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DesertDiamond

(1,616 posts)

149. I've learned even very attractive people can look terrible in photos, so don't worry! I'm an actress

Reply to Drunken Irishman (Original post)

Sat Jun 28, 2014, 12:13 PM

Jun 2014

and although I'm considered attractive in person, it takes an extremely skilled photographer to take a photo of me that doesn't make me feel like a gargoyle for at least a couple of months.

On the other hand, this is also a great opportunity to strengthen your ability to not give a whit about someone else's opinion. That's the great value of this experience!

Nevertheless, I am so sorry you went through that! I've never heard of a woman insulting a man's appearance that way -- even in private with just other women around, women don't talk that way. Sorry to say, there are plenty of men who have no problem insulting a woman's appearance within the woman's hearing distance. When that has happened to me, it's hurt, but in the end I used it to strengthen my self value, and I no longer get that two-month gargoyle feeling.

And one other thing you can take away from this. Maybe this can help you to have some empathy for what it feels like for us as women, to be judged by our looks all the time.

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I had the most humiliating experience of my life today at work. [View all] Drunken Irishman Jun 2014 OP

Don't worry about it! polly7 Jun 2014 #1

"Some people are shallow." Enthusiast Jun 2014 #180

And with manners from the gutter to boot! Cal33 Jun 2014 #182

Sorry you had to deal with that. NaturalHigh Jun 2014 #2

Exactly... ReRe Jun 2014 #61

+1 n/t IL Lib Jun 2014 #87

Yep. She's the one who needs to be embarrassed by her ugly behavior, not you. raccoon Jun 2014 #131

/\ THIS ChairmanAgnostic Jun 2014 #142

This is so true. liberalmuse Jun 2014 #179

Well said! nt Mojorabbit Jun 2014 #181

assholes do ass-holey things madokie Jun 2014 #3

+1000 nomorenomore08 Jun 2014 #27

plus one. she's nobody to u. forget it. she's ugly on the inside Liberal_in_LA Jun 2014 #59

and damned ugly on the outside madokie Jun 2014 #62

So sorry you had that terrible experience, but it is more about "her" than you. MoonRiver Jun 2014 #4

I agree. She's a crappy person, not you. n/t FSogol Jun 2014 #19

Hell, mine looks like circa-1969 Charles Manson! nomorenomore08 Jun 2014 #29

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Jun 2014 #122

I'd made an appointment days in advance, so the wait was very short. nomorenomore08 Jun 2014 #126

I completely agree. It's more about her. I mean, who does something like that? FourScore Jun 2014 #36

Turn around is fair play homegirl Jun 2014 #153

Wow, really? ladyVet Jun 2014 #200

+1 troublesome_mind Jun 2014 #205

She was so wrong to do that to you. CaliforniaPeggy Jun 2014 #5

I'm so sorry to hear that A Little Weird Jun 2014 #6

Oh, fuck her and the horse she rode in on. Sheldon Cooper Jun 2014 #7

... nomorenomore08 Jun 2014 #38

I'm thinking the horse would be a better lover, though. Ken Burch Jun 2014 #108

But in which order? It matters. ChairmanAgnostic Jun 2014 #143

What you said wryter2000 Jun 2014 #162

I accepted long ago that true beauty is below the surface. Kaleva Jun 2014 #8

You're over thinking this Cali_Democrat Jun 2014 #9

yeah, it's a lame pickup type line similar to "is that your daughter, i thought you were sisters" JI7 Jun 2014 #14

He said she looked repulsed at the photo while she was looking at it. woolldog Jun 2014 #31

+1 Brisk Jun 2014 #47

she was exaggerating as a way to compliment or come on to your friend JI7 Jun 2014 #10

So, the opinion of these shallow women matters to you? Xipe Totec Jun 2014 #11

That occurred to me gratuitous Jun 2014 #116

It's easy to do that in the abstract. Ken Burch Jun 2014 #190

Some of us have had a lot of practice... Xipe Totec Jun 2014 #210

She's a cruel woman JustAnotherGen Jun 2014 #12

I agree with JustAnotherGen! nt Mojorabbit Jun 2014 #57

Sounds like she was trying to flirt with your coworker, in a clumsy and thoughtless way. winter is coming Jun 2014 #13

Maybe, just maybe she will realize what a shallow based judgment she made. Jefferson23 Jun 2014 #15

I'm sorry, that totally sucks - what a shallow person petronius Jun 2014 #16

Well said, petronius ailsagirl Jun 2014 #35

Please, please, please don't perserverate over this. She's not worth it. cali Jun 2014 #17

It is only humiliating if you accept her thoughtless judgment as true. kwassa Jun 2014 #18

Exactly right. GoCubsGo Jun 2014 #54

Please don't let this get to you, DI. sheshe2 Jun 2014 #20

That's horrible and soul sucking. I am sorry that happened to you, and I hope you msanthrope Jun 2014 #21

Let it go. GentryDixon Jun 2014 #22

Don't let her affect you or your gym habits steve2470 Jun 2014 #23

What a jerk she is. She wasn't even looking at your photo, she would have made LiberalLoner Jun 2014 #24

Dude. Really? R. Daneel Olivaw Jun 2014 #25

She sounds very superficial and not a nice person.... SummerSnow Jun 2014 #26

For men, as well as for women, beauty is largely on the inside bhikkhu Jun 2014 #28

Hard to see now, DI.. but it was totally the girl's problem. Too bad when Cha Jun 2014 #30

Can't help you here. I'm 64, and I still feel crappy over remarks made to and about me from decades WinkyDink Jun 2014 #32

That spiteful feeling? Leverage it. flvegan Jun 2014 #33

lol redqueen Jun 2014 #41

Anything else? flvegan Jun 2014 #49

Be careful what you pray for. IrishAyes Jun 2014 #71

LOL flvegan Jun 2014 #94

Seriously. The Red Queen can pretty much mop up the floor with anyone. I've seen her do it. IrishAyes Jun 2014 #101

LOL flvegan Jun 2014 #109

"I could say more here about the subject female" redqueen Jun 2014 #93

Posts 39 and 69 covered it. flvegan Jun 2014 #96

Riiiiiiight. redqueen Jun 2014 #100

"the subject female"??? cwydro Jun 2014 #189

Yes? flvegan Jun 2014 #201

All I can say is . . . Brigid Jun 2014 #34

Right there with you BrotherIvan Jun 2014 #124

You can not let others define you emsimon33 Jun 2014 #37

Like R. Daneel Olivaw said, it's just stupid high school bullshit. redqueen Jun 2014 #39

I'm Sorry That It Happened to You Leith Jun 2014 #40

I know that exact feeling - the overwhelming sense of being some grotesque, hideous freak. nomorenomore08 Jun 2014 #42

If that's the most humiliating experience of your life, woo me with science Jun 2014 #43

I wouldn't be so literal. Seems like he was using deliberate hyperbole. nomorenomore08 Jun 2014 #70

A general Irish cultural tradition. We don't expect to be taken literally, IrishAyes Jun 2014 #76

says nothing about you Skittles Jun 2014 #44

Amen! nomorenomore08 Jun 2014 #73

a good friend recently gave me this advice (he heard it from a navy seal) Justice Jun 2014 #45

The only *troll* in this story is her. I've only had such an experience once or twice, and I know it freshwest Jun 2014 #46

I like that: raccoon Jun 2014 #132

This may be a consolation. Chan790 Jun 2014 #48

I have had more days like that than I can recall. blogslut Jun 2014 #50

This is not a *you* problem. It's a HER problem. Triana Jun 2014 #51

People are not alike all over rebe303 Jun 2014 #52

Hi DI, I am so sorry this happened to you. smirkymonkey Jun 2014 #53

Slim men never turned me off; but then neither did heavier ones. IrishAyes Jun 2014 #84

There are a LOT of sexy heavier men around. smirkymonkey Jun 2014 #216

And of course the snappy comeback Lifelong Protester Jun 2014 #55

"no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" pleinair Jun 2014 #82

Looks like she just showed you two good folks what Ilsa Jun 2014 #56

Albert Ellis' REBT helped me a lot with these kind of issues phil89 Jun 2014 #58

REBT? elucidate, my dear Watson. nt raccoon Jun 2014 #133

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy steve2470 Jun 2014 #137

That's not trivial at all. She's repulsively ugly, imo... Violet_Crumble Jun 2014 #60

Dear heart, IrishAyes Jun 2014 #63

Don't let them take power over you... PasadenaTrudy Jun 2014 #64

My partner works for a "mean girl" yellerpup Jun 2014 #65

I'm pretty old. babylonsister Jun 2014 #66

Some people are just jerks - TBF Jun 2014 #67

Crappy junior high school behavior. She was one of the Mean Girls in hi school, too Hekate Jun 2014 #68

fuck her.... seabeyond Jun 2014 #69

May I add that your friends here at DU LOVE you - Marie Marie Jun 2014 #72

Desperately wicked. That girl. raging moderate Jun 2014 #74

Hey, Drunken Irishman, don't let someone else's bad behavior cause you to feel badly Samantha Jun 2014 #75

I am a substitute teacher. My badge photo is LibDemAlways Jun 2014 #77

Do not give her that kind of power in your life.. abakan Jun 2014 #78

+10000. polly7 Jun 2014 #81

That quote from Maya Angelou is priceless Hekate Jun 2014 #106

Thanks.. abakan Jun 2014 #140

So called 'attractive' people customerserviceguy Jun 2014 #79

Look at this thread-you are loved, and you did that. Go with it! nt babylonsister Jun 2014 #80

Dear Drunken Irishman madaboutharry Jun 2014 #83

I've met physically beautiful people Unknown Beatle Jun 2014 #85

Well said BainsBane Jun 2014 #115

Don't give up on what you are doing to improve yourself davidpdx Jun 2014 #86

Okay. Can we assume that you're over 40? GoneOffShore Jun 2014 #88

Aw damn. So sorry for this, Drunken Irishman. calimary Jun 2014 #89

Please don't tell me you go to the gym to please shallow little twits in their early 20s. Warpy Jun 2014 #90

You've been sexually harrassed and might want to consider going after those coworkers... JVS Jun 2014 #91

No, he was not. former9thward Jun 2014 #193

Thanks, everyone! Drunken Irishman Jun 2014 #92

I've put on more and more weight the last few years davidpdx Jun 2014 #207

"I actually had people openly complimenting my looks" Shankapotomus Jun 2014 #214

At least you don't have a big bro clowning on your hairline Jamaal510 Jun 2014 #95

�Beauty is nothing, beauty won�t stay." bluedigger Jun 2014 #97

I felt your story in my gut Union Scribe Jun 2014 #98

So what? doug1105 Jun 2014 #99

Laaaaaaaame. ZombieHorde Jun 2014 #102

Sorry you had to go through that, DI. Ken Burch Jun 2014 #103

Mean girls BainsBane Jun 2014 #104

Some people get a rush out of making someone else feel shitty. Rhiannon12866 Jun 2014 #105

You're among friends here. Say what you need to say. Ken Burch Jun 2014 #107

Sounds like you didn't receive approbation from a very nasty person. Aristus Jun 2014 #110

I would have said something about my mug shots. Spitfire of ATJ Jun 2014 #111

Don't sweat it, Drunken Irishman = Tuesday Afternoon Jun 2014 #112

Please do not let this bother you. SheilaT Jun 2014 #113

Dearest Drunken Irishman, liberalmuse Jun 2014 #114

She's an idiot and a jerk, so her opinion is worth NOTHING. pnwmom Jun 2014 #117

OMG dude, women DO NOT CARE ABOUT LOOKS like guys do grahamhgreen Jun 2014 #118

She was just hitting on the other guy. pamela Jun 2014 #119

Maybe DI should leave a note on her desk about it...something like this: Ken Burch Jun 2014 #184

One, sorry you went through that. Warren DeMontague Jun 2014 #120

A thoughtful response BainsBane Jun 2014 #129

had a similar experience and it also hurt....but spanone Jun 2014 #121

I like the advice implied here Shankapotomus Jun 2014 #202

Use this pain. Notafraidtoo Jun 2014 #123

Looksism--not just about women anymore n/t eridani Jun 2014 #125

What a vapid thing to do! MADem Jun 2014 #127

Someone with the emotional maturity of an 8th grader is controlling your thoughts? alphafemale Jun 2014 #128

We all have self doubt within us..... bobGandolf Jun 2014 #130

I really think that ID photographers seek out... ananda Jun 2014 #134

Don't let that skank rob you of your motivation to take care of you, Irish. TheKentuckian Jun 2014 #135

Aw, hon, that sucks elehhhhna Jun 2014 #136

Keep up the hard work and have a new badge made. ileus Jun 2014 #138

I personally don't understand why people are bashing this woman Harmony Blue Jun 2014 #139

It's not bashing her-it's empathy with him. Ken Burch Jun 2014 #191

She knew it was someone at work and made a superficial and unnecessary judgement about them to stevenleser Jun 2014 #208

Yo, why do you think the Irish drink? ChairmanAgnostic Jun 2014 #141

I've had things like that happen dozens of times in my life hfojvt Jun 2014 #144

As both a photographer and a horribly un-photogenic person Schema Thing Jun 2014 #145

You aren't the one who should feel embarrassed. leftyladyfrommo Jun 2014 #146

She'll be dead someday like everyone else... Tom_Foolery Jun 2014 #147

r u a guy or a girl? Laura PourMeADrink Jun 2014 #148

I've learned even very attractive people can look terrible in photos, so don't worry! I'm an actress DesertDiamond Jun 2014 #149

She's the repulsive one. davidthegnome Jun 2014 #150

Looks Scarsdale Jun 2014 #151

Don't let an incidental character in your life control it by what stupid comments they make. Rex Jun 2014 #152

DI ------ DO NOT let this affect your gym regimen! pablo_marmol Jun 2014 #154

My ID photo story Fortinbras Armstrong Jun 2014 #155

Some people are just fucking jerks. It's nothing you did to deserve that. Quantess Jun 2014 #156

Sorry it happened. StoneCarver Jun 2014 #157

Were these girls or women? LeftyMom Jun 2014 #158

The reason they call it self esteem is because it doesn't require anyone's permission. lumberjack_jeff Jun 2014 #159

What a twisted brain! Man, that sounds like a script right out of a Disney high school bully scene. C Moon Jun 2014 #160

Don't let that superficial idiot bother you Erda Jun 2014 #161

All bullies are scared little kids inside. That goes for the Kochs, too. And fascists. McCamy Taylor Jun 2014 #163

Petty people, etc... Bobbie Jo Jun 2014 #164

Cheer up. I look drunk in my driver's license photo. Vinca Jun 2014 #165

I had a similar experience at a Hollywood party maybe 20 years ago yurbud Jun 2014 #166

So, what? Nothing happened, really. Helen Borg Jun 2014 #167

Hi DI...honest truth..this young lady was poorly raised...and odds are she will continue.. Tikki Jun 2014 #168

I had that in spades happen to me at the worst possible age. Done to me by my peers, and in print DFW Jun 2014 #169

Actually... In an odd backhanded way, she has shown you that your efforts paid off. Xyzse Jun 2014 #170

I feel for you as well. kchamberlin25 Jun 2014 #171

Water. Duck's back. matt819 Jun 2014 #172

Don't let assholes like that get you down. Iggo Jun 2014 #173

"Anyway, sorry to vent. I just hit rock bottom on something that maybe you'll all find trivial; greiner3 Jun 2014 #174

That's ok ybbor Jun 2014 #175

The hideous one is the girl lunatica Jun 2014 #176

she probably gets the same look when she finds out the clothes you are wearing JI7 Jun 2014 #186

I'm so sorry that happened to you, but remember this-- she has a problem, not you! ColesCountyDem Jun 2014 #177

dude, do NOT play her game!! ellennelle Jun 2014 #178

Don't let it get you down. People are just mean. JDPriestly Jun 2014 #183

It would have been nice had your friend ejbr Jun 2014 #185

I've gone pictures of myself that I'd NEVER show, but after working out Babel_17 Jun 2014 #187

Lots of assholes out there... FiggyJay Jun 2014 #188

My bet is... PosterChild Jun 2014 #192

For openers, Drunken Irishman Iwillnevergiveup Jun 2014 #194

Accept what you can't change, Change what you can, & Get wiser at telling the difference. Bernardo de La Paz Jun 2014 #195

this one helped me get through a whole lot of nasty: hopemountain Jun 2014 #196

Worse case scenario Shankapotomus Jun 2014 #197

Post your pic and age, and then tell us his Reter Jun 2014 #198

When I was 16 my father apologized to me because it was his fault my face was "so ugly." magical thyme Jun 2014 #199

Hi MT...where do these people come from? My mother used to ask me to walk ten steps behind her... Tikki Jun 2014 #204

I don't get them at all.... magical thyme Jun 2014 #215

Sounds like she was just trying to flirt with the other guy. LisaL Jun 2014 #203

I do hope you're feeling better about yourself now. herding cats Jun 2014 #206

Think about it this way, we all get old and much less attractive eventually... stevenleser Jun 2014 #209

Don't know if you saw this downthread, but in response to someone else's post Ken Burch Jun 2014 #211

Have you seen this, DI? This OP was precepitated by yours and it's very Awesome! top of Greatest Cha Jun 2014 #212

Are you trying to lose weight? Marr Jun 2014 #213