I just wrote to a lawyer about this gift card I have for Hobby Lobby

[jberryhill]

58. Let me tell you about some of the things I get

Every attorney gets a fairly regular stream of "interesting things in the mail" or email, of varying degrees of decipherability.

They fall into two broad categories:

1. Handwritten or manually type written letters from inmates who have access to limited facilities for composing and sending mail, and they are looking for help with an appeal of their conviction for reasons which are generally unclear. They go through attorney directories and crank these things out because they have a lot of time on their hands, and send them to attorneys who, like me, have never been within a mile of a criminal case of any kind.

2. Someone who is REALLY PISSED OFF about something which is essentially trivial, would require gobs of time and attention to deal with. The fact that the only thing an attorney has to sell is his or her time is immaterial, spending the next 1000 hours of my life pursuing a federal lawsuit over a $50 claim will bring me all kinds of publicity, fame and attention. Somehow, those three things will pay for my food and heating oil, but I never seem to be able to convince my grocer or fuel dealer to accept my publicity, fame and attention in exchange for those things.

Then there are the truly cynical who think any sort of legal claim at all is a ticket to untold riches. I went back and forth via email with some guy for waaaaay too much time a while back because I was having a hard time wrapping my head around just what it was he wanted me to do about his claim which was worth something on the order of $15. The really weird thing is that he could have completely remedied his problem on his own for maybe $10. I couldn't figure out what he wanted from me until I told him, "Okay, you want to pay me for about 20 hours of my time minimum, to pursue a claim worth $15?"

"But it was really egregious, don't you think we can get some kind of punitive damages?"

He thought that, basically, lawyers take any case at all for free because there is some pot of gold at the end of every litigation rainbow. I was really pissed that he wasted my time. I'm in the business of helping people solve actual problems, and not making problems for profit.

Of course lawyers aren't expected to actually get paid for their time or services, because we have magic keys that unlock fountains of money from whomever we file suit against. Because, yeah, apparently everyday commercial disputes are just like slip and fall cases.

But aren't lawyers supposed to take pro bono cases?

Yes, we are, and yes we do. But the type of case that qualifies for that sort of arrangement is not generally about making a point. One doesn't have to look very hard to find people who are facing grave injustice which will actually do them harm if they don't get appropriate legal help. For example, given a choice between a mom & pop business that is the sole and meager income of some family, who is threatened with a frivolous intellectual property claim... yeah, I'll look into that LONG before someone who wants me to spend my time to make a political point of some kind.