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lunatica

(53,410 posts)

32. Tell him there are things about him that you find offensive too

Sat Jul 5, 2014, 08:42 PM

Jul 2014

Then watch his mouth drop open in shock. Don't bother to tell him what those things are. If he demands to know what 'things' you find offensive just answer, 'things'. Let him wonder. He'll feel the sting and that might make him think twice before saying such things to you again.

I did it to my grandfather who criticized everyone. I said it when he started criticizing me in front of everyone in the family. You could have heard a pin drop after everyone gasped and held their breath. He was obviously shocked that anyone would say such a thing to him and in front of everyone too. He never criticized me again either in public or in private. And to top it off our relationship improved immensely. It was as if he suddenly respected me. Go figure.

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On being fat [View all] Aerows Jul 2014 OP

You are beautiful however you choose to be...let the haters hate they have no soul. Drew Richards Jul 2014 #1

It was my father Aerows Jul 2014 #3

And his mindset is still in the 50's unfortunately...the only thing you could reply safely is Drew Richards Jul 2014 #9

Martinis went out?? tavernier Jul 2014 #45

Your father is just extremely critical. My dad was, too. kwassa Jul 2014 #14

Same with me Aerows Jul 2014 #15

just remember, it is about him, not about you. kwassa Jul 2014 #27

I was in the garden, and he yelled at me about everything under the sun Aerows Jul 2014 #31

He must be a very sad and tormented man. Tolerating him must be difficult. Remain strong. Scuba Jul 2014 #43

He is my father Aerows Jul 2014 #48

That is why friends are better, you get to pick and choose your friends snooper2 Jul 2014 #94

Thank god for that. Aerows Jul 2014 #98

that's verbal abuse. Iris Jul 2014 #80

His mental illness is not your fault. If he won't get help, make him some passionflower infused MADem Jul 2014 #128

It's psychological abuse... ReRe Jul 2014 #37

Thank you for that Aerows Jul 2014 #40

Tell dad he's not only a jerk(and that's polite) for calling you fat, but also mnhtnbb Jul 2014 #23

My father is very critical Aerows Jul 2014 #47

I hope you don't have to live with him. Hekate Jul 2014 #67

My mother is the same Mojorabbit Jul 2014 #81

OMG, you keep bees? Aerows Jul 2014 #83

Turn it right back around on him next time. Quantess Jul 2014 #92

No, he's trying to lose weight Aerows Jul 2014 #100

You're at a good weight. Have 840high Jul 2014 #2

Fuck them. They watch too much TV, it makes their brains and sensibilities 'flabby'. NYC_SKP Jul 2014 #4

are you sure he didn't say Phat? whistler162 Jul 2014 #5

What I wouldn't give to weigh 115 lbs. again... The Velveteen Ocelot Jul 2014 #6

Yes. I haven't weighed that since I was 17. Fat??? How absurd. Just absurd. It is the opposite. anneboleyn Jul 2014 #41

I think it's because people know it will hurt. LisaLynne Jul 2014 #7

My father is extremely critical of Aerows Jul 2014 #10

115 at 5'4" sounds pretty healthy to me. Gidney N Cloyd Jul 2014 #8

My goodness shenmue Jul 2014 #11

You're on the thin side at your height, since 110 - 140 is considered pnwmom Jul 2014 #12

You got told that by a very sick person. WinkyDink Jul 2014 #13

Don't worry, when you turn 50, you'll get your invisibility cloak Warpy Jul 2014 #16

I love my cloak! PasadenaTrudy Jul 2014 #19

I'm 61. I don't dress provocatively and I still get it cali Jul 2014 #26

Don't be so sure. Aristus Jul 2014 #20

I've met some super sexy 50+ lesbians Aerows Jul 2014 #24

A super-sexy lesbian DID knock my socks off when I was 23. Aristus Jul 2014 #34

You sound like you wish you had Aerows Jul 2014 #51

Delete. nt Snotcicles Jul 2014 #132

Ick.. PasadenaTrudy Jul 2014 #57

Well, not everyone's outlook is going to be the same. Aristus Jul 2014 #90

agreed Skittles Jul 2014 #125

Well, that's 'cause you'll kick their asses if they don't compliment you. Aristus Jul 2014 #131

well, I won't be IGNORED, you see? Skittles Jul 2014 #135

Definitely not!... Aristus Jul 2014 #136

Take back your power, Aerows pleinair Jul 2014 #17

Thank you Aerows Jul 2014 #50

I don't understand why parents are critical of their children angstlessk Jul 2014 #18

Mothers are especially guilty Warpy Jul 2014 #21

Oh yes, my mother loved the public angstlessk Jul 2014 #25

If you aren't perfect Aerows Jul 2014 #36

Who told you that you were fat? flvegan Jul 2014 #22

My father Aerows Jul 2014 #28

That's terrible for him to say. flvegan Jul 2014 #30

I'm trying Aerows Jul 2014 #33

I've heard if you take a spray bottle and whistler162 Jul 2014 #42

That is an absolutely fantastic idea! I'm going to try it. BrotherIvan Jul 2014 #49

This message was self-deleted by its author Aerows Jul 2014 #52

I tried that, but the only spray bottle I had was selzter water. winter is coming Jul 2014 #85

even better! BrotherIvan Jul 2014 #89

Is your father ADD or ADHD? His attacks on you (and that's what they Nay Jul 2014 #101

Thank you for the advice Aerows Jul 2014 #112

This message was self-deleted by its author former9thward Jul 2014 #29

Tell him there are things about him that you find offensive too lunatica Jul 2014 #32

It's rough to be in a family where Aerows Jul 2014 #35

Criticism like that never means "I care." It is always meant to be Nay Jul 2014 #102

^^^^^!!!!! magical thyme Jul 2014 #129

Lunatica, an excellent response! Aerows, I'd try this. nt Nay Jul 2014 #105

It's more about them than you - they're the ones with the problem. LiberalElite Jul 2014 #38

My comment is not a reference to your father, Jenoch Jul 2014 #39

It's a horrible thing to do Aerows Jul 2014 #44

I have an almost 44 year old niece, Jenoch Jul 2014 #55

I hesitate to classify myself Aerows Jul 2014 #56

This message was self-deleted by its author Jenoch Jul 2014 #61

My intent was not to imply you were suffering from anorexia. Jenoch Jul 2014 #65

It's okay Aerows Jul 2014 #70

My maternal grandmother seemed to Jenoch Jul 2014 #76

I've already been down the eating disorder route Aerows Jul 2014 #46

Here in Korea they are ALL about looks davidpdx Jul 2014 #53

Good luck to you! Aerows Jul 2014 #54

I'm 5'11 and weigh 140 and have been told blueamy66 Jul 2014 #58

It shocked me Aerows Jul 2014 #64

Move on. blueamy66 Jul 2014 #68

Nothing is worth it Aerows Jul 2014 #72

Right now, at my age... blueamy66 Jul 2014 #75

He just wants to hurt you and used a common insult for women to do it. Shrike47 Jul 2014 #110

it doesn't matter what his excuse was, because there was no magical thyme Jul 2014 #130

I'm your height and at that weight my ribs all showed Hekate Jul 2014 #59

I have shoulders Aerows Jul 2014 #60

LOL Hekate Jul 2014 #73

LOL. You could be related to my dad. Mom called him The Buttless Wonder. n/t winter is coming Jul 2014 #87

If there was a butt shortage Aerows Jul 2014 #88

I NEED a belt Aerows Jul 2014 #119

Envy and/or low self-esteem LittleBlue Jul 2014 #62

My willpower is strong to STAY Aerows Jul 2014 #66

Haha, no kidding LittleBlue Jul 2014 #69

I just got interrupted by Aerows Jul 2014 #71

Your father is psychologically abusive nobodyspecial Jul 2014 #63

After reading this thread (oops, long, sorry)... laundry_queen Jul 2014 #74

Thank you so much Aerows Jul 2014 #77

Have you done any searches about laundry_queen Jul 2014 #82

Thank you Aerows Jul 2014 #84

People just love to judge others and more often than not in MHO those that do so are simply AuntPatsy Jul 2014 #78

The ugly part of humanity. Phlem Jul 2014 #79

Thank you Aerows Jul 2014 #86

It crosses political aisles too maced666 Jul 2014 #91

You work out three days a week and get off on gardening? nolabels Jul 2014 #93

Yes :) Aerows Jul 2014 #95

I know you care for your father but... steve2470 Jul 2014 #96

He's pretty domineering Aerows Jul 2014 #97

I hope before he dies, you two can come to some sort of an agreement steve2470 Jul 2014 #99

I am so sorry this happened to you. TDale313 Jul 2014 #103

It was sort of a double edged sword Aerows Jul 2014 #109

I can imagine. TDale313 Jul 2014 #115

According to some, every woman is supposed to LWolf Jul 2014 #104

It was hot, I was working in my garden Aerows Jul 2014 #108

Who said that to you? Cleita Jul 2014 #106

My father Aerows Jul 2014 #107

I am sorry it was someone so close to you. Cleita Jul 2014 #117

My garden is growing very well Aerows Jul 2014 #122

You aren't fat. Whoever said that was mean. abelenkpe Jul 2014 #111

it was her own father, which makes it much worse nt steve2470 Jul 2014 #113

From a perspective of what the average male finds attractive rufus dog Jul 2014 #114

I've come to terms with that in this thread Aerows Jul 2014 #126

What's the ugliest part of your body? MrMickeysMom Jul 2014 #116

My mind and my father's mind repeatedly clash Aerows Jul 2014 #124

Aerows I'm so sorry you have to hear that crap Hippo_Tron Jul 2014 #118

He's a good man Aerows Jul 2014 #123

I know the feeling. I've asked my mom on several occasions to ecstatic Jul 2014 #120

too thin Aerows Jul 2014 #121

My garden still has great tomatoes and peppers growing Aerows Jul 2014 #127

Quote, Antonio Porchia: When you made me into another, I left you with me. nt Snotcicles Jul 2014 #133

The fatty days theexwife Jul 2014 #134