General Discussion

laundry_queen

(8,646 posts)

82. Have you done any searches about

Sat Jul 5, 2014, 10:58 PM

Jul 2014

'narcissistic' or 'toxic' parents? After my parents pulled a fast one on me after my divorce (it's quite the story) and a friend of mine through a divorce support group sent me a book about narcissists with regards to my ex, I realized the narcissist term fit my parents more than it fit my ex (my ex, btw, is a sociopath, which the therapist, who had to deal with him with the billing, agrees he shows troubling signs of it). Anyway, I looked up narcissistic/toxic parents and found a lot of good information which explained a LOT of what I was dealing with and why. It also helped me learn to deal with them and their toxic comments. The cool thing is - they are completely and utterly predictable once you 'get' what is going on. I can now immunize myself against their comments and attacks before I go for a visit. It helps a lot.

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On being fat [View all] Aerows Jul 2014 OP

You are beautiful however you choose to be...let the haters hate they have no soul. Drew Richards Jul 2014 #1

It was my father Aerows Jul 2014 #3

And his mindset is still in the 50's unfortunately...the only thing you could reply safely is Drew Richards Jul 2014 #9

Martinis went out?? tavernier Jul 2014 #45

Your father is just extremely critical. My dad was, too. kwassa Jul 2014 #14

Same with me Aerows Jul 2014 #15

just remember, it is about him, not about you. kwassa Jul 2014 #27

I was in the garden, and he yelled at me about everything under the sun Aerows Jul 2014 #31

He must be a very sad and tormented man. Tolerating him must be difficult. Remain strong. Scuba Jul 2014 #43

He is my father Aerows Jul 2014 #48

That is why friends are better, you get to pick and choose your friends snooper2 Jul 2014 #94

Thank god for that. Aerows Jul 2014 #98

that's verbal abuse. Iris Jul 2014 #80

His mental illness is not your fault. If he won't get help, make him some passionflower infused MADem Jul 2014 #128

It's psychological abuse... ReRe Jul 2014 #37

Thank you for that Aerows Jul 2014 #40

Tell dad he's not only a jerk(and that's polite) for calling you fat, but also mnhtnbb Jul 2014 #23

My father is very critical Aerows Jul 2014 #47

I hope you don't have to live with him. Hekate Jul 2014 #67

My mother is the same Mojorabbit Jul 2014 #81

OMG, you keep bees? Aerows Jul 2014 #83

Turn it right back around on him next time. Quantess Jul 2014 #92

No, he's trying to lose weight Aerows Jul 2014 #100

You're at a good weight. Have 840high Jul 2014 #2

Fuck them. They watch too much TV, it makes their brains and sensibilities 'flabby'. NYC_SKP Jul 2014 #4

are you sure he didn't say Phat? whistler162 Jul 2014 #5

What I wouldn't give to weigh 115 lbs. again... The Velveteen Ocelot Jul 2014 #6

Yes. I haven't weighed that since I was 17. Fat??? How absurd. Just absurd. It is the opposite. anneboleyn Jul 2014 #41

I think it's because people know it will hurt. LisaLynne Jul 2014 #7

My father is extremely critical of Aerows Jul 2014 #10

115 at 5'4" sounds pretty healthy to me. Gidney N Cloyd Jul 2014 #8

My goodness shenmue Jul 2014 #11

You're on the thin side at your height, since 110 - 140 is considered pnwmom Jul 2014 #12

You got told that by a very sick person. WinkyDink Jul 2014 #13

Don't worry, when you turn 50, you'll get your invisibility cloak Warpy Jul 2014 #16

I love my cloak! PasadenaTrudy Jul 2014 #19

I'm 61. I don't dress provocatively and I still get it cali Jul 2014 #26

Don't be so sure. Aristus Jul 2014 #20

I've met some super sexy 50+ lesbians Aerows Jul 2014 #24

A super-sexy lesbian DID knock my socks off when I was 23. Aristus Jul 2014 #34

You sound like you wish you had Aerows Jul 2014 #51

Delete. nt Snotcicles Jul 2014 #132

Ick.. PasadenaTrudy Jul 2014 #57

Well, not everyone's outlook is going to be the same. Aristus Jul 2014 #90

agreed Skittles Jul 2014 #125

Well, that's 'cause you'll kick their asses if they don't compliment you. Aristus Jul 2014 #131

well, I won't be IGNORED, you see? Skittles Jul 2014 #135

Definitely not!... Aristus Jul 2014 #136

Take back your power, Aerows pleinair Jul 2014 #17

Thank you Aerows Jul 2014 #50

I don't understand why parents are critical of their children angstlessk Jul 2014 #18

Mothers are especially guilty Warpy Jul 2014 #21

Oh yes, my mother loved the public angstlessk Jul 2014 #25

If you aren't perfect Aerows Jul 2014 #36

Who told you that you were fat? flvegan Jul 2014 #22

My father Aerows Jul 2014 #28

That's terrible for him to say. flvegan Jul 2014 #30

I'm trying Aerows Jul 2014 #33

I've heard if you take a spray bottle and whistler162 Jul 2014 #42

That is an absolutely fantastic idea! I'm going to try it. BrotherIvan Jul 2014 #49

This message was self-deleted by its author Aerows Jul 2014 #52

I tried that, but the only spray bottle I had was selzter water. winter is coming Jul 2014 #85

even better! BrotherIvan Jul 2014 #89

Is your father ADD or ADHD? His attacks on you (and that's what they Nay Jul 2014 #101

Thank you for the advice Aerows Jul 2014 #112

This message was self-deleted by its author former9thward Jul 2014 #29

Tell him there are things about him that you find offensive too lunatica Jul 2014 #32

It's rough to be in a family where Aerows Jul 2014 #35

Criticism like that never means "I care." It is always meant to be Nay Jul 2014 #102

^^^^^!!!!! magical thyme Jul 2014 #129

Lunatica, an excellent response! Aerows, I'd try this. nt Nay Jul 2014 #105

It's more about them than you - they're the ones with the problem. LiberalElite Jul 2014 #38

My comment is not a reference to your father, Jenoch Jul 2014 #39

It's a horrible thing to do Aerows Jul 2014 #44

I have an almost 44 year old niece, Jenoch Jul 2014 #55

I hesitate to classify myself Aerows Jul 2014 #56

This message was self-deleted by its author Jenoch Jul 2014 #61

My intent was not to imply you were suffering from anorexia. Jenoch Jul 2014 #65

It's okay Aerows Jul 2014 #70

My maternal grandmother seemed to Jenoch Jul 2014 #76

I've already been down the eating disorder route Aerows Jul 2014 #46

Here in Korea they are ALL about looks davidpdx Jul 2014 #53

Good luck to you! Aerows Jul 2014 #54

I'm 5'11 and weigh 140 and have been told blueamy66 Jul 2014 #58

It shocked me Aerows Jul 2014 #64

Move on. blueamy66 Jul 2014 #68

Nothing is worth it Aerows Jul 2014 #72

Right now, at my age... blueamy66 Jul 2014 #75

He just wants to hurt you and used a common insult for women to do it. Shrike47 Jul 2014 #110

it doesn't matter what his excuse was, because there was no magical thyme Jul 2014 #130

I'm your height and at that weight my ribs all showed Hekate Jul 2014 #59

I have shoulders Aerows Jul 2014 #60

LOL Hekate Jul 2014 #73

LOL. You could be related to my dad. Mom called him The Buttless Wonder. n/t winter is coming Jul 2014 #87

If there was a butt shortage Aerows Jul 2014 #88

I NEED a belt Aerows Jul 2014 #119

Envy and/or low self-esteem LittleBlue Jul 2014 #62

My willpower is strong to STAY Aerows Jul 2014 #66

Haha, no kidding LittleBlue Jul 2014 #69

I just got interrupted by Aerows Jul 2014 #71

Your father is psychologically abusive nobodyspecial Jul 2014 #63

After reading this thread (oops, long, sorry)... laundry_queen Jul 2014 #74

Thank you so much Aerows Jul 2014 #77

Have you done any searches about laundry_queen Jul 2014 #82

Thank you Aerows Jul 2014 #84

People just love to judge others and more often than not in MHO those that do so are simply AuntPatsy Jul 2014 #78

The ugly part of humanity. Phlem Jul 2014 #79

Thank you Aerows Jul 2014 #86

It crosses political aisles too maced666 Jul 2014 #91

You work out three days a week and get off on gardening? nolabels Jul 2014 #93

Yes :) Aerows Jul 2014 #95

I know you care for your father but... steve2470 Jul 2014 #96

He's pretty domineering Aerows Jul 2014 #97

I hope before he dies, you two can come to some sort of an agreement steve2470 Jul 2014 #99

I am so sorry this happened to you. TDale313 Jul 2014 #103

It was sort of a double edged sword Aerows Jul 2014 #109

I can imagine. TDale313 Jul 2014 #115

According to some, every woman is supposed to LWolf Jul 2014 #104

It was hot, I was working in my garden Aerows Jul 2014 #108

Who said that to you? Cleita Jul 2014 #106

My father Aerows Jul 2014 #107

I am sorry it was someone so close to you. Cleita Jul 2014 #117

My garden is growing very well Aerows Jul 2014 #122

You aren't fat. Whoever said that was mean. abelenkpe Jul 2014 #111

it was her own father, which makes it much worse nt steve2470 Jul 2014 #113

From a perspective of what the average male finds attractive rufus dog Jul 2014 #114

I've come to terms with that in this thread Aerows Jul 2014 #126

What's the ugliest part of your body? MrMickeysMom Jul 2014 #116

My mind and my father's mind repeatedly clash Aerows Jul 2014 #124

Aerows I'm so sorry you have to hear that crap Hippo_Tron Jul 2014 #118

He's a good man Aerows Jul 2014 #123

I know the feeling. I've asked my mom on several occasions to ecstatic Jul 2014 #120

too thin Aerows Jul 2014 #121

My garden still has great tomatoes and peppers growing Aerows Jul 2014 #127

Quote, Antonio Porchia: When you made me into another, I left you with me. nt Snotcicles Jul 2014 #133

The fatty days theexwife Jul 2014 #134