Here Are 4 Ways We’re Accidentally Teaching Kids That Consent Doesn't Matter [View all]

[eridani]

http://www.upworthy.com/here-are-4-ways-were-accidentally-teaching-kids-that-consent-doesnt-matter?c=upw1

The third way that we sometimes teach kids that consent isn't important is through forced hugs and kisses and this is all in the [guides] of teaching politeness. We want them to give Uncle Joe a hug and kiss when you see him because he's their elder, and it's important to respect him in that way, and because he wants a hug and a kiss, regardless of how your child is feeling. And the idea of being that if they don't go give Uncle Joe a hug and a kiss it reflects poorly on you, that your kids are rude or, you know, standoff-ish or whatever. And we worry about that as parents and so then we end up, you know, whether it's by force or coercion getting our kids to hug and kiss someone that they don't want to.

This is a huge red flag. You know, we don't want our teen daughters or our teen sons to be in a sexual situation where they're feeling like they don't really wanna continue, but they feel like they can't say anything because they've come this far and it would be rude to stop or that type of thing. That is exactly the problems that we get in young adults with not asking for consent but also not being bale to give it because you don't feel that you have that place to say no, I'm not comfortable with this, we need to stop right now. So it's very important not to make your kids hug and kiss, or you know, shake hands or anything like that, you know. "You know Uncle Joe, you saw him last year," and if Uncle Joe asks for a hug or kiss, you can say, "Do you want to give him a hug or a kiss or just wave hi?" And then have a wave hi or, you know, blow a kiss or whatever is comfortable in your family for some type of non touching related greeting.

And also, you don't have to force your kid to greet someone that they don't want. We often are forcing our kids to hug relatives that to them they don't even remember, very distant relatives, and we wonder why sexual abuse is so frequently a family member and why the kids didn't tell mom and dad when they've been taught their whole lives that they should respect their elders, that they should be giving physical affection to family members, so it becomes very hard for them to say 'I was touched in in an inappropriate way.' So this one has a very big implication right now for child sexual abuse. You really want your kids to know that they could say no and they never have to be touched in a way that they don't wanna be touched, and also for when they're older so that they feel like whenever they get that feeling in their stomach that 'I don't wanna do this next thing. I don't wanna be touched in this way" that they know that they can say no.