General Discussion

BainsBane

(57,642 posts)

52. You have to do what is best for yourself

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:36 PM

Jul 2014

and of course opening your home to her would expose you to danger, depending on how violent the man is.

The mindset is that she has been with that man for years. He doesn't treat her that way all the time. In fact, at other points he is probably very loving. She believes she doesn't deserve anything better. She has probably always had low self-esteem and was likely raised in a home where she was abused and/or devalued. Psychologically, these situations are complex. No one can force her to leave. She has to make that decision for herself.

Click here to purchase valentine hearts!

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

56 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Never dismiss Domestic Abuse!! [View all] raptor_rider Jul 2014 OP

Been there, done that. polly7 Jul 2014 #1

Thank you polly7!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #2

I meant to say right at the start, I'm very sorry for what you've been through. polly7 Jul 2014 #3

Polly, that brakes my heart!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #13

You're awesome for doing this stuff. A lot of people couldn't handle it. nomorenomore08 Jul 2014 #36

Saw my mother put up with this for years Scootaloo Jul 2014 #4

+1000. Fuck them. I'm sorry. :( polly7 Jul 2014 #5

Oh Polly!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #16

I'm so very sorry!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #34

What does "PIT'ed him" mean? nt awoke_in_2003 Jul 2014 #6

It's a raptor_rider Jul 2014 #9

Ah, OK... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2014 #11

I never heard of it, either. Jim Lane Jul 2014 #41

Honestly, WTF is wrong with people who treat other human beings like this? smirkymonkey Jul 2014 #7

He only got probation!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #10

It's unreal. smirkymonkey Jul 2014 #53

Some people are just sadists, I guess. n/t nomorenomore08 Jul 2014 #37

I guess so. I just don't get it. smirkymonkey Jul 2014 #54

Agree completely. I really don't understand that mindset - despite having written about fictitious nomorenomore08 Jul 2014 #56

It's a way of controlling somebody else and they know (or believe) they can get away with it. nt raccoon Jul 2014 #47

I think that if we start fighting back they will stop thinking that they can get away with it. smirkymonkey Jul 2014 #55

K&R Solly Mack Jul 2014 #8

Thank you for posting this. F4lconF16 Jul 2014 #12

God bless your girlfriend!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #19

I did! F4lconF16 Jul 2014 #24

She is amazing!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #31

+1000000000 Phlem Jul 2014 #14

I'm so sorry for your mom!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #20

I don't know what she thinks. Phlem Jul 2014 #23

WTF??? raptor_rider Jul 2014 #32

Really just what I said, Phlem Jul 2014 #35

Oh sweetie!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #38

Kicked and recommended. Uncle Joe Jul 2014 #15

Thank you raptor_rider Jul 2014 #39

I am my wife's second husband. Half-Century Man Jul 2014 #17

Thank you Half-Century raptor_rider Jul 2014 #40

Been there done that too. littlemissmartypants Jul 2014 #18

That's ironic, Uncle Joe Jul 2014 #21

Totally. I started a secret bank account in my name, littlemissmartypants Jul 2014 #25

Love, peace and the righteous fight. Uncle Joe Jul 2014 #29

Record! sheshe2 Jul 2014 #22

That's shit!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #28

"I am the man and I can do what ever I want." I think that is the philosophy of many, if not most, raccoon Jul 2014 #48

its the root of most violence. like us feminists have been saying for a couple decades- mopinko Jul 2014 #26

I protected my child raptor_rider Jul 2014 #33

Raptor_rider, I wish I could take away the pain of those experiences that Squinch Jul 2014 #27

I took myself and my 4 month daughter out of it!!! raptor_rider Jul 2014 #30

I have been thru a lot of emotional abuse. Manifestor_of_Light Jul 2014 #42

I'm very sorry. How sad:(. polly7 Jul 2014 #43

What would you do? PowerToThePeople Jul 2014 #44

All you can do is let her know you are there for her BainsBane Jul 2014 #45

I have been thinking I may PowerToThePeople Jul 2014 #46

"I do not understand the mindset a person must be in to put up with such things " redqueen Jul 2014 #49

You have to do what is best for yourself BainsBane Jul 2014 #52

It's not easy watching from the outside raptor_rider Jul 2014 #51

And he only got probation. redqueen Jul 2014 #50