On white male, hetro privilege.

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56. in order to feel american, if not human

i had to leave this country. while i was in italy, i had this amazing out-of-body experience that i recall reading about...it was something written by richard wright or some other black expatriate. the experience was: feeling normal. the experience was: the absence of the weight of being black in america. i was walking down a street in rome, when suddenly, i had the feeling of seeing myself...as if my soul had escaped and was watching me from above. and what i remember thinking was this: this is what it feels like to be a person, not a black person.

and just as suddenly, my bubble was burst. i happened to walk by an older, white american couple. i brushed by the woman, and accidentally hit her tacky, vinyl purse, and she snatched it away as if i was trying to steal it...as if! i wouldn't be caught dead with a tacky, white vinyl purse but it brought me back to the reality of my black self. still...i am glad i had the fleeting experience of not feeling the weight of my blackness, because it was something i never felt in america.
and i never felt american...never really knew i was american until i left this country.