[50 Shades] What two consenting adults do in their bedroom is NEVER your business.

[Zorra]

282. Good question.

My longest relationship, (13 years), was with a woman who was raised in a very strict religion. She liked to be tied up and blindfolded during sex. When I asked her why, (and we had many deep discussions about many things) she told me that she was taught that unmarried women who had sex were evil, that sex was evil, that society itself holds a double standard, one we all well know ~ women who have sex outside marriage, have frequent sex with one or more partners, or who simply enjoy sex, are negatively labeled as sluts, while men who enjoy sex, have sex outside of marriage, and have frequent sex with one or more partners, are positively labeled as studs.

She said she believed that she enjoyed sex more when she was tied up, blindfolded, and under complete control of another person primarily because it relieved her of the responsibility and any subsequent guilt of having sex, because she could feel powerless to stop it, and therefore having sex under these conditions did not make her feel guilty.

I totally understand this, inherently, and believe many or most other women who can think freely do as well, and know that the desire to be bound, gagged, and controlled during sex is a common fantasy and/or frequent activity for quite a large number of women.

I tried being held in bondage by my partner a few times, and found the anticipation, lack of control, and randomly timed surprise touches and teases and other various stimulation done to me by my partner to be pleasant and novel, but not something I needed, or wanted to engage in with any frequency.

There's a big difference between healthy play/variety/experimentation, and unhealthy needs. In the "50 Shades of Grey" series, the male antagonist, Mr. Grey, appears to have developed an unhealthy need to administer pain and have control due to the circumstances of his very warped childhood.

So to answer your question, yes, in some cases, the desire to be bound, gagged, and completely out of control during sex is completely understandable as stemming from an institutionalized guilt trip, but the fun trust teasing during bondage that you described is not intended or received as "humiliation" in my worldview. Not at all.