General Discussion

Ruby the Liberal

(26,665 posts)

132. When she moved out of her original state of residence 20 years ago

Mon Apr 9, 2012, 01:52 AM

Apr 2012

she refused all medical followup. Repeated attempts to get her medical records transferred to her new doctor were denied and once medical records were actually sent, she set them on fire on her stovetop because she didn't want the diagnosis (stigma?).

She has been untreated for this disease for 2 decades now.

I wouldn't trust her to care for a pet rock much less an elderly man who couldn't get by on his own means.

My grandfather was confined to a walker for mobility and could not prepare his own meals. He relied on her for that, and she decided a few weeks ago that she didn't want food in the house because she was on a "diet". This came out on the 2nd of 3 ER visits when he told the staff that he hadn't eaten in days, and was too weak to get himself to the facility dining room.

I am sorry my anger about this saddens you, but this was not how this man should have passed. He deserved better. This could have been prevented.

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I get HIPAA, but sometimes it sucks. My Grandfather died this morning. [View all] Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 OP

... gateley Apr 2012 #1

Thanks Gateley. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #12

Mine too. Ken Burch Apr 2012 #49

I'm so sorry for your loss. And yes, there needs to be some CurtEastPoint Apr 2012 #2

Thank you for getting my point within the rambling rant. nt Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #13

When there are too many laws the first casualty is good old fashioned American common sense bluestateguy Apr 2012 #3

This message was self-deleted by its author Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #16

This made me cry lunatica Apr 2012 #4

Lunatica - thank you for getting this. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #17

Fuck, indeed. elleng Apr 2012 #5

Elleng, I don't recall. I give HIPAA much credit Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #18

Thanks, Ruby. elleng Apr 2012 #20

Once an attorney, always an attorney. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #38

i am sorry for your loss nt bart95 Apr 2012 #6

Thank you. nt Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #19

I'm very sorry for your loss REP Apr 2012 #7

REP, honestly, I am not grieving. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #21

This message was self-deleted by its author REP Apr 2012 #23

Medical guardianship (not medical power of attorney) REP Apr 2012 #27

Thats my girl. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #39

get a lawyer. there are remedies. they are not easy. I am doing it right now in my family. robinlynne Apr 2012 #87

Thank you. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #92

My sister and I had to do it. Mimosa Apr 2012 #146

Ruby, I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. Firebrand Gary Apr 2012 #8

Thank you Gary. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #22

Thank you for sharing this story. Behind the Aegis Apr 2012 #9

Thanks BtA Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #25

Ruby you already know where I stand with you. William769 Apr 2012 #10

Thanks you Bill Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #26

The only thing you can do is try to get older loved ones to sign a waiver authorizing you to have MADem Apr 2012 #11

This message was self-deleted by its author Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #28

It seems to me that maybe the doctors might be clueless. LiberalFighter Apr 2012 #74

I think she is mistaken about having POA. The doctors have to abide by the law. If she has POA, she robinlynne Apr 2012 #90

doesn't sound like you have power of attorney then. Have you read your documents carefully? robinlynne Apr 2012 #89

This message was self-deleted by its author Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #94

Then she DOES NOT HAVE POA. She will have POA in the future IF your grandma is deemed incapacitated. robinlynne Apr 2012 #102

This message was self-deleted by its author Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #107

start with the alzheimers associaiton. Read verything on tehir webiste. robinlynne Apr 2012 #110

sorry for all the typos. robinlynne Apr 2012 #111

LOL! I read you just fine. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #114

the first interviews with the attorney re generally free. robinlynne Apr 2012 #116

Have you tried going to court and getting guardianship or something on those lines? MADem Apr 2012 #127

Nothing has been tried along those lines Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #128

Pace yourself, and try to stay calm. I know, easier said than done. MADem Apr 2012 #130

Actually, getting all of this off my chest with you all Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #133

Well, that's a small bright spot in a bucket of misery, I guess. Get enough sleep, too, though. MADem Apr 2012 #134

Actually you dont need any medical records. You need an elder attorney. robinlynne Apr 2012 #88

I am sorry for your loss nadinbrzezinski Apr 2012 #14

Thanks Nadin. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #29

I'm so sorry. :( That's so sad. joshcryer Apr 2012 #15

This message was self-deleted by its author Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #31

Thats just awful Marrah_G Apr 2012 #24

Well, here is one from my family for offering. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #32

This happened in an assisted living facility? with people supposedly watching, taking care of them? robinlynne Apr 2012 #91

They didn't know until the 2nd hospital trip (of 3) Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #97

In assisted living the meals are watched by the staff. Sounds like you mean independent living? robinlynne Apr 2012 #100

This message was self-deleted by its author Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #101

the point is, she is in the wrong kind of place. This does not happen in assisted living (theoretic robinlynne Apr 2012 #108

Damn, those "unintended consequences"! WillowTree Apr 2012 #30

Thank you, WillowTree. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #33

Oh Ruby, I'm so sorry. ornotna Apr 2012 #34

Your response helps loads. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #44

System Dupe Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #44

Yes, HIPAA can be a real problem when a family member is mentally ill. pnwmom Apr 2012 #35

Thank you for this. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #41

Your feelings are completely understandable, after what you and your family pnwmom Apr 2012 #57

Oh, dear Ruby, I don't know what to say....Please accept my deepest sympathies for your grandpa Ecumenist Apr 2012 #36

Sweet sister, Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #42

Ruby I'm so sorry for your loss *hugs* steve2470 Apr 2012 #37

Thank you, Steve. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #43

all I can suggest is reading the law from cover to cover and getting a good lawyer steve2470 Apr 2012 #72

Thanks. We are dealing with this now also. glinda Apr 2012 #109

As suggested to me above as well, I am going to Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #115

The right to privacy and independance in medical cases has become an excuse by health authorities to Monk06 Apr 2012 #40

Thank you for pointing this out. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #51

but if they were in an assisted living facility and a man starved to death, isn't that criminal? robinlynne Apr 2012 #93

They eat in public if they go to the dining hall. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #99

It is not assisted living then. It is independent living. if they can eat at home. robinlynne Apr 2012 #103

sounds like your Grandma needds assisted living and is in the worng place, if she made decisions robinlynne Apr 2012 #104

I am just sick that no one had any idea this was happening. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #112

That I understand. completely. robinlynne Apr 2012 #113

He may not have spoken up Alcibiades Apr 2012 #121

The point is at least in Canada people who are mentally ill cannot be committed to mandatory Monk06 Apr 2012 #143

I'm so sorry, Ruby. pacalo Apr 2012 #44

Sister - there are so many 'goods' and 'bads' about this law Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #58

This message was self-deleted by its author pacalo Apr 2012 #44

That is awful. My sincerest condolensces. We just had a major debate about HIPAA here. Snake Alchemist Apr 2012 #50

I strongly have to say that hippa has nothing to do with this family's situation. nothing at all. robinlynne Apr 2012 #117

I am so sorry. He didn't deserve this. There is no way to express how badly I feel for you and him. roguevalley Apr 2012 #52

Thanks for sharing your story, Ruby. kag Apr 2012 #53

I am very sorry about your loss LeftishBrit Apr 2012 #54

((((Ruby)))) LadyHawkAZ Apr 2012 #55

Aw Ruby. Your poor grandfather. uppityperson Apr 2012 #56

i'm sorry for your loss. barbtries Apr 2012 #59

Oh, Ruby, that is just heartbreaking. Morning Dew Apr 2012 #60

Really sad malaise Apr 2012 #61

Wow, what a horrible situation. Zalatix Apr 2012 #62

I am sorry for this unnecessary loss. ProfessionalLeftist Apr 2012 #63

I am so sorry for your loss. Ilsa Apr 2012 #64

That infuriates me. YellowRubberDuckie Apr 2012 #65

Just awful. I'm so sorry. ((hug)) MerryBlooms Apr 2012 #66

my dad made my two sisters his health proxy. ejpoeta Apr 2012 #67

I understand your pain and frustration susanr516 Apr 2012 #68

I can definitely appreciate what you are dealing with. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #78

Ruby, I am so, so sorry. polly7 Apr 2012 #69

The system doesn't function. ellisonz Apr 2012 #70

This is so sad to hear Generic Other Apr 2012 #71

how unimaginably sad renate Apr 2012 #73

kick for evening crowd nt steve2470 Apr 2012 #75

I am sorry for your loss, but I think elder abuse/neglect trumps HIPAA elias7 Apr 2012 #76

He was - but only overnight all 3 times. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #79

Self-delete Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #80

Thanks, Ruby, I understand better now elias7 Apr 2012 #120

You just posted a ray of hope for me. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #122

I agree with every word of your post Number23 Apr 2012 #83

I have not spoken to her. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #86

I almost have sympathy for her as well. She is obviously quite ill Number23 Apr 2012 #135

me too. hippa is not the issue. If there is elder abuse you bring it to a judge to investigate. robinlynne Apr 2012 #95

Ruby this breaks my heart proud2BlibKansan Apr 2012 #77

Ruby, I'm very sorry for your loss... one_voice Apr 2012 #81

Thanks for all of he well wishes and vibes, everyone. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #82

How sad. But any expert you consulted to "treat" grandma COULD have gotten Honeycombe8 Apr 2012 #84

Tried almost 15 years ago. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #85

Ruby, I really dont think you need past medical history to prove there is a current problem. robinlynne Apr 2012 #98

This message was self-deleted by its author Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #105

the past is over. you can act now. Your fmaily needs to hire an elder attorney. and get your grandma robinlynne Apr 2012 #106

This problem with treating the mentally ill predates HIPAA by decades. yardwork Apr 2012 #137

Okay, there's something odd about that. That dr. could lose her license for destroying Honeycombe8 Apr 2012 #139

Would it make a difference in what you just said Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #140

You have my sympathy...and my admiration. Cerridwen Apr 2012 #96

Thank you. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #118

I am so sorry for your loss, Ruby. yardwork Apr 2012 #119

That was my mistake, Yardie. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #123

But the question remains just why on earth did the hospital release him? azurnoir Apr 2012 #124

Thank you Az. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #125

It sounds like a lot of things went wrong - a perfect storm. yardwork Apr 2012 #136

Thats pretty much it, right there in a nutshell. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #142

I suspect that the retirement community and hospital may be citing HIPAA to cover themselves. yardwork Apr 2012 #148

I'm so sorry. Terra Alta Apr 2012 #126

Very sorry for your loss, but I'm confused frazzled Apr 2012 #129

When she moved out of her original state of residence 20 years ago Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #132

:( :::::: WillyT Apr 2012 #131

ruby and your mom irisblue Apr 2012 #138

Thanks. Ruby the Liberal Apr 2012 #141

Ah, Ruby -- my heart aches for you. Amaril Apr 2012 #144

In case this happens to anybody else... Mimosa Apr 2012 #145

I'm so sorry for your grandfather's experience RainDog Apr 2012 #147