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Ghost in the Machine

(14,912 posts)

33. I was diagnosed in 2002 with "Severe Clinical Depression" & 10 yrs untreated PTSD....

Mon Aug 11, 2014, 09:33 PM

Aug 2014

... but the ONLY times I EVER had thoughts of suicide was when they had me on anti-depressants. I quit taking them and just went back to my old credo of "just suck it up and keep moving on". It works just fine for me.

I tell people all the time that "as much as I've been through in my life, the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I want to hang around and see what the hell is going to happen next! It's been one hell of a white-knuckle ride, but I've got a one-way ticket on this rollercoaster and I damned sure ain't jumping off early... I'm riding it all the way to the end!"

I wish everyone could think like this, as I've lost friends and family to suicide, and it hurts not having all the answers and wondering if you could have done something to help stop it.

Peace,

Ghost

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If you've ever been depressed you "understand" the thought of suicide. [View all] NightWatcher Aug 2014 OP

So true and Skidmore Aug 2014 #1

Often with clowns and comedians ripcord Aug 2014 #27

But, Doctor, I am Pagliacci! Orsino Aug 2014 #84

I've never been there sharp_stick Aug 2014 #2

+1 YoungDemCA Aug 2014 #4

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255 steve2470 Aug 2014 #3

K & R +1,000,000 nt ChisolmTrailDem Aug 2014 #5

You dont want to kill yourself...You just want the pain to stop. Rhinodawg Aug 2014 #6

true nt steve2470 Aug 2014 #8

That's it... whathehell Aug 2014 #14

a person isn't thinking rationally annm4peace Aug 2014 #24

Those are good, sobering thoughts.. whathehell Aug 2014 #32

I'm thinking this may be a classic case of covering up an overdose.... Spitfire of ATJ Aug 2014 #94

I think that's probably not the case, but I could be wrong.. whathehell Aug 2014 #104

You have hit this nail squarely... MrMickeysMom Aug 2014 #67

Been there,done that and got the T shirt. Rhinodawg Aug 2014 #70

I just wish I could 'rec' your reply. mwooldri Aug 2014 #81

Suicide as a treatment option ashling Aug 2014 #89

I lost a brother to suicide, 29 years ago, and it still hurts Siwsan Aug 2014 #7

'Silent Grief' is a good book I have read several times, it helped. nt Mnemosyne Aug 2014 #37

I lost my husband this past Dec this way. Devastating. nt Mojorabbit Aug 2014 #42

I am so very sorry for your loss. May the Lady bless and keep you, and may your husband niyad Aug 2014 #50

Thank you. This news hit me hard today. Mojorabbit Aug 2014 #52

how unspeakably sad and awful that must have been. I am truly, truly sorry renate Aug 2014 #71

My brother-in-law hanged himself 15 years ago. Part of me still really hates him for it. Throd Aug 2014 #55

you need to forgive him and let it go Skittles Aug 2014 #61

it is like something is pulling you to the other side annm4peace Aug 2014 #63

Been there also. ncliberal Aug 2014 #9

In my youth I learned that suicide was very bad rurallib Aug 2014 #10

Well said n/t MissDeeds Aug 2014 #40

I have been depressed, and I got help. CaliforniaPeggy Aug 2014 #11

yes too young steve2470 Aug 2014 #12

Well I DO Understand! ChiciB1 Aug 2014 #13

I've battled the feeling many times. BlancheSplanchnik Aug 2014 #15

I've been close a dozen times, and understand--understand that it won't mean any damn *peace* MisterP Aug 2014 #16

Yep obxhead Aug 2014 #17

Depression can be overcome. Don't give up. Vattel Aug 2014 #18

I've been there Marrah_G Aug 2014 #19

Been there as well. nt GliderGuider Aug 2014 #20

I have, and I do, liberalhistorian Aug 2014 #21

Thank you for getting it NightWatcher Aug 2014 #22

Been there. zappaman Aug 2014 #23

when I was in that same place I thought annm4peace Aug 2014 #26

Lost my mother to suicide LittleBlue Aug 2014 #25

He was probably self-medicating an underlying mental health disorder REP Aug 2014 #28

And other elements of modern life can affect people as well. truedelphi Aug 2014 #91

Williams had a documented history of BPD REP Aug 2014 #93

The two situations, being bi polar, & having a diet that includes foods laced with MSG, truedelphi Aug 2014 #105

Thank you for this, NightWatcher MissDeeds Aug 2014 #29

For US Veterans.. yuiyoshida Aug 2014 #30

Not only understand it, but refrain from condemning the choice. Loudly Aug 2014 #31

"Reality. What a concept!" MustBeTheBooz Aug 2014 #69

I was diagnosed in 2002 with "Severe Clinical Depression" & 10 yrs untreated PTSD.... Ghost in the Machine Aug 2014 #33

The way I describe it to people jeff47 Aug 2014 #39

Thank you. LoisB Aug 2014 #34

Yes, how true. NaturalHigh Aug 2014 #35

Very different. Like a dark aura around you that you want to be away from. harun Aug 2014 #92

I've been there - LiberalElite Aug 2014 #36

Been there, but never thought of ending my life. n/t RebelOne Aug 2014 #38

my first comment AnAzulTexas Aug 2014 #41

welcome to DU, and thank you very much for sharing that with us renate Aug 2014 #72

Struggled with major depression since I was a child. At the darkest times, suicide is an idea for keopeli Aug 2014 #43

I hope you can stop this from happening. Is therapy any solace for you? CTyankee Aug 2014 #103

I've been there as well. Iron Man Aug 2014 #44

I'm glad you are doing better. LisaLynne Aug 2014 #46

Thank you. Iron Man Aug 2014 #53

There are treatments, but artists struggle with knowing that the treatments rhett o rick Aug 2014 #45

Spot on. Duer 157099 Aug 2014 #51

That change whathehell Aug 2014 #77

What change? I have seen what treatment can do first hand. Do you have any rhett o rick Aug 2014 #79

I'm referring to the comment made by you.. whathehell Aug 2014 #83

Then it seems you contradicted yourself. The "change" I was referring to dealt with rhett o rick Aug 2014 #108

No, it seems we've misinterpreted each other. whathehell Aug 2014 #112

^^This^^ SammyWinstonJack Aug 2014 #88

I have peered into the abyss... GreenEyedLefty Aug 2014 #47

Thank you for this thread. LisaLynne Aug 2014 #48

And so often a comic, catrose Aug 2014 #49

I detest people who call suicides cowards and the "easy way out" Skittles Aug 2014 #54

agreed ! nt steve2470 Aug 2014 #56

I agree OwnedByCats Aug 2014 #75

it's not cowardice OR courage Skittles Aug 2014 #107

+1000. And they don't know what they're talking about. nt raccoon Aug 2014 #78

He seemed so not depressed oberliner Aug 2014 #57

some people are able to smile and hide it steve2470 Aug 2014 #58

It just seems so incongruous oberliner Aug 2014 #60

Self-medication comes in many forms. jeff47 Aug 2014 #64

He spoke about his struggles with depression over 20 years ago, has been a long time thing uppityperson Aug 2014 #73

But he always said he was not clinical depressed oberliner Aug 2014 #76

There are times when life can feel really hopeless fujiyama Aug 2014 #59

Absolutely davidpdx Aug 2014 #62

It's a tricky feeling. gulliver Aug 2014 #65

A close friend attempted to kill herself last week. F4lconF16 Aug 2014 #66

Some struggle much more than anyone knows... marew Aug 2014 #68

Been there too. lovemydog Aug 2014 #74

you put it well. BlancheSplanchnik Aug 2014 #90

It is a lifelong struggle magical thyme Aug 2014 #80

I understand now that what I considered mild depression wasn't even close. tridim Aug 2014 #82

Low seratonin, dopamine, or acetyl-choline levels will make you depressed... grahamhgreen Aug 2014 #85

Both of us at this household use the 5-Htp, and it can be remarkable. truedelphi Aug 2014 #96

Tyrosine is the precursor for dopamine... grahamhgreen Aug 2014 #98

Thanks for the information. truedelphi Aug 2014 #99

Tyrosine is an amino acid, not a b-vitamin. You may be thinking of thiamine. grahamhgreen Aug 2014 #110

Preferably while being monitored by some sort of health professional Blasphemer Aug 2014 #109

preferably, if you can find one that belives in nutrition and not just drugs. grahamhgreen Aug 2014 #111

A friend of mine shot herself. hamsterjill Aug 2014 #86

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline mahatmakanejeeves Aug 2014 #87

Sadly, we all share part of the responisbility for this event Thunderbeast Aug 2014 #95

So you had a chance to speak with his doctors? sybylla Aug 2014 #100

He DID talk about it through his entire career Thunderbeast Aug 2014 #102

Twice. n/t Triana Aug 2014 #97

I hope nobody here feels the urge to make jokes about this. redstatebluegirl Aug 2014 #101

Kind Of I Suppose colsohlibgal Aug 2014 #106