If you've ever been depressed you "understand" the thought of suicide.

[annm4peace]

63. it is like something is pulling you to the other side

it is so hard to explain if you have never gone through it.. you can feel the love of others, and know the love others but what is pulling you to the dark side isn't enough for your love to stop it. sort of like how love can't stop cancer, or diabetes, or other illnesses.

you know rationally the pain you feel shouldn't be happening.. you know that what you are going through.. others have felt worse.. it is just this despair feeling that is so incredibly strong.. Like you are in a riptide and it is dragging you further out.. and often you swim out of the current.. or the rope that someone tosses you, you are able to pull yourself to shore.. but sometimes you don' t make it.

sadly we often don't know that something small that can make us sad.. can grow very fast into horrible despair.. we have to watch ourselves.. how we react to things.. to know it is dangerous for us to get sad.. that despair can take over so quickly.

and if there are drugs involved..it can make it so much worse. and that certain drugs both prescription or not can bring on despair and suffering.

there is so much judging.. both on the person who died and on ourselves who weren't able to stop it. we have to let go of the judging and the suffering.

I'm sorry for your lose and I wish it didn't happen..