An internet truth regarding sexist/misogynist comments

[MADem]

184. Look--I can't stand all that back-and-forth gun bullshit. It sets my teeth on edge.

I could DEMAND that the admins take that away entirely, and they'd probably laugh like hell behind their hands and tell me to pound sand. Why should they remove a popular group where the shitflinging reaches epic levels, just to satisfy ME? I do have the ability to just ignore that stinkfest. Now, if the admins DID remove it for me, would that mean that those kinds of conversations would be removed from the web at large? Of course not. That stuff would crop up at other sites I visit, and it does. How do I handle it when I see it? I "navigate AWAY."

If I see something at another site advocating hate or violence, I don't get all up in it with an idiot, I hit the button and report it. Most places have this--Youtube, newspaper comment areas, etc. I don't whine about things I simply disagree with, but I will challenge hate speech or exhortations to violent conduct. You just can't fix stupid and that's not my job, anyway.

If you want a site that is "presentable to all readers" you will end up with a place that sucks. I mean, what does that even MEAN? What's "presentable" to YOU might not be presentable to someone else. No one shares every single view that YOU hold. No one shares every single view that I hold, either.

What's "presentable" in polite society? No talk of SEX, RELIGION or POLITICS. And let's add no GUN talk either. No JOKES, because some humor can be viewed as offensive by some. No talk of race or ethnicity. No talk of WAR, or national defense issues. Definitely OUT with the WOO--because that drives people nuts. Can't talk about science, it might offend the people who think Jesus rode dinosaurs. I suppose we could try talking about the weather, but then the contrail folk might get all up in it.

So I guess, no, I don't want a site that's "presentable" for everyone--that would be a site with a blank page....and even then you'd find people who want the page filled up with words and pictures. In sum, that's an impossibility.

Look, people come here to exchange views. Some like to exchange them with no small degree of passion. If we were all on the same page, we could all sing from the same sheet music. And the song would get boring in no time.

If stuff bothers you, you CAN avoid it. You can IGNORE people, you can just NOT RESPOND to assholes (that pisses them off more than responding to them, often as not), you can hide threads (I use that trick a lot), you can hide entire groups if they bug you that much, you can use that little alert button, and if the alert doesn't produce a HIDE, maybe that's because the jurors are sick of the drama the alerter is bringing to the table, or maybe the "offense" isn't as bad as the alerter thinks it is.

The point is, it's just not necessary to fight every frigging battle. This site is a buffet--take a plate, realize you can only put so much on it before you become overloaded, and use those tongs WISELY.

I've seen many cases where people DELIBERATELY misconstrue what a person is saying to try to paint them in a certain (negative) way. Even when the person being attacked says "No, no--that's not what I meant, you aren't taking my point" there will often be a pile-on and the person is maligned and berated, and it can, at times, be unfair.

I think if we all spend a little more time LISTENING to each other, clicking on the links and actually reading the articles instead of being FIRST to respond, and if we take the time to say "What did you mean by this comment?" before assuming the worst, we'd all be better off.

Probably too much to hope for--but this is what it is, it's the INTERNET....not my front parlor!

And speaking of that, and speaking generally--I speak for MYSELF. I don't expect this website to "be" something for others to view that's always pretty and nice and I don't take responsibility for the behavior of jerks, either--that's on THEM, not me. If someone says an assholish thing, well, what's wrong with saying "Wow, what a shitty thing to say" and moving on. It's not our job to present some kind of false face to the world, here--this is a PRIVATE site with rules, and people can join and engage in spirited discussion with the group, or get tossed out on their asses if they can't behave.

I think what pisses some people off is that, in the old days, the "mods" would run around like busy little mothers, sweeping up after the elephants and hiding away all the unpleasantness, down to censoring entire subthreads with good information in them. You'd be in the middle of a great conversation, and because some asshole jumped in halfway through a chat, you're entire discussion, with links, pictures, etc., would just go POOOOF. Good people would get punished along with the asshole.

This system, with the juries, isn't perfect, but the "mod" system wasn't perfect either. It just HID some of the ugliness--it didn't really make it go away, it just made it less obvious.

I think if people want to talk on the internet, they need to defend their POV and take a few hits and realize that they're going to not always have people agreeing with their every thought. That's LIFE. It's not the end of the world if someone says something I don't like. Really. I'm not going to demand that the admins censor them--if I can have a reasoned conversation with them, I will, otherwise I'll just state my case and move on and figure their attitude is their problem, not mine.