General Discussion

Kber

(5,043 posts)

77. It was an gender thing, not a racial thing

Sun Aug 31, 2014, 06:19 PM

Aug 2014

Let's see, my dad had one lady ask him if his wife knew he was hanging out with a younger woman (dad wears his wedding ring everywhere. I, being 15, didn't.).

I had one youngish man of about 22 pull me aside at the grocery store and ask if I was OK, or if I needed him to call my parents. I was extremely confused as I was with my parents.

He had the grace to be extremely embarrassed, as well as obviously relieved when I explained the situation.

I swear, we weren't acting any different than a somewhat bored teenager and a slightly annoyed father.

Maybe it had something to do with being a girl that made complete strangers feel the had a right / need to ensure I was being appropriately protected.

I think it was generally motivated less by judgmental impulses than by "soft" sexism. I also think it was generally well meaning.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

151 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

I was taking pictures of my daughters. A stranger thought I was exploiting them. [View all] Generic Other Aug 2014 OP

HS is invested in making the ugliest assumptions about all of us based on profiling suffragette Aug 2014 #1

I find that white people who find themselves profiled in this way Generic Other Aug 2014 #4

The scary thing is that most people think that other people are like themselves. LiberalArkie Aug 2014 #97

You do frequently see that kind of projection. One of the biggest weasles I know always thinks he's brewens Sep 2014 #129

OK, I'm torn, here. MADem Aug 2014 #2

Fuck that Generic Other Aug 2014 #6

Go back and re-read--I edited a bit. Do we know the HS guy was white? MADem Aug 2014 #9

I don't even know what to say to this Generic Other Aug 2014 #12

I don't understand why you are more "offended" than the guy who wrote the article. MADem Aug 2014 #17

I have been profiled many more times than I care to list Generic Other Aug 2014 #25

Offended, enraged, outraged! etherealtruth Aug 2014 #47

So have I. Your experience, and mine, are not germane to this story, though. MADem Aug 2014 #60

It's a story of a man photographing his daughters. Demit Aug 2014 #82

She wasn't there. Neither was I. Neither were you. MADem Sep 2014 #114

But you don't see how assuming a guy's adopted daughters might be sex slaves nomorenomore08 Sep 2014 #132

The HS guy was assuming that the WHITE guy might be a human trafficker. MADem Sep 2014 #137

Regardless of what color the HS guy was, it's still a case of being profiled (or stereotyped). nomorenomore08 Sep 2014 #140

Profiling does happen in criminal investigations, and even when a LEO sees something a bit odd. MADem Sep 2014 #142

Of course you have a right to be offended by the offensive behavior and the iemitsu Aug 2014 #86

Citizens are not allowed to use their cameras in the new police state Generic Other Aug 2014 #89

Move along, nothing to see or to photograph. iemitsu Aug 2014 #92

Indeed. I just can't believe people are that gullible. Has to be something more at work IMO. n/t nomorenomore08 Sep 2014 #136

In things like this, people can be wrong treestar Aug 2014 #31

One of the "real" cases? Generic Other Aug 2014 #41

Some people here never 'get it' Rex Aug 2014 #48

So there never is any sex trafficking treestar Aug 2014 #66

Please post statistics for number of Asian girls Generic Other Aug 2014 #103

Well, he's a white fellow, and this kind of thing has never happened to HIM before. MADem Aug 2014 #65

There's a point where treestar Aug 2014 #67

Well, the crime that HS guy was ostensibly concerned about would have been committed by MADem Aug 2014 #79

Try being a male sitting next a woman on the train RandySF Aug 2014 #75

If there are no other seats left, you aren't a creep and no one thinks that. MADem Aug 2014 #78

Funny, I've never really gotten that vibe. Maybe I'm too busy minding my own business, I dunno. nomorenomore08 Sep 2014 #139

No, I'm pretty sure we have to err on the side of MYOFB. mattclearing Sep 2014 #110

No, we don't. MADem Sep 2014 #111

I read the article clearly. mattclearing Sep 2014 #112

You're believing the father's version of events. MADem Sep 2014 #113

That's really condescending. mattclearing Sep 2014 #116

It's not "condescending," unless you happen to have found the HS agent and interviewed him. MADem Sep 2014 #117

What a bunch of self-serving nonsense. mattclearing Sep 2014 #120

One more time--the guy asked ONE question, apologized (did you catch that? APOLOGIZED) MADem Sep 2014 #121

That's not even true. mattclearing Sep 2014 #122

OK, now I know you did NOT read the piece. MADem Sep 2014 #124

So pedantic. n/t mattclearing Sep 2014 #125

Pedantic, really? You might want to look up that word. MADem Sep 2014 #126

Really? Because I thought he, "hunted him down and started an argument" mattclearing Sep 2014 #127

I think the reason the wife wanted the guy to let it go is because she saw what he couldn't see. MADem Sep 2014 #135

Great post. mattclearing Sep 2014 #146

I think if the HS guy did get a sense that something was genuinely awry he could have MADem Sep 2014 #148

So if someone sees two men with kids The Straight Story Sep 2014 #118

He asked a question. He got an answer. He APOLOGIZED. He left. MADem Sep 2014 #119

I know you probably don't mean to defend racial profiling/stereotyping, but that's what this nomorenomore08 Sep 2014 #131

Yes, this HS guy (of unknown race) was, indeed, profiling the father. MADem Sep 2014 #141

Why the HELL would he be doing it OUTDOORS in a PUBLIC PLACE rocktivity Aug 2014 #3

It happens ProudToBeBlueInRhody Aug 2014 #18

Oh, I think this should be an interesting thread.... ProudToBeBlueInRhody Aug 2014 #5

I am considering putting people on ignore Generic Other Aug 2014 #7

Yes, as I said upthread-there's a tension at play. Judgments can be well meaning and they can also MADem Aug 2014 #21

So why is it minorities who are always the ones being judged? Generic Other Aug 2014 #33

Those girls were NOT being judged. Their caucasian father was being profiled as a pervert and MADem Aug 2014 #42

Excuse me if my dad is being accused of being a pervert Generic Other Aug 2014 #55

Well, you can parse it that way if you'd like, but being categorized as a potential victim is not MADem Aug 2014 #58

Glad you know more about being Asian than Asians do Generic Other Aug 2014 #83

Now this conversation is getting unproductive, because you're "talking down" to me. MADem Aug 2014 #85

If my white father was profiled by cops because I look Asian Generic Other Aug 2014 #88

One. More. Time. MADem Aug 2014 #106

I don't think it's racial as much sa a bias against male parents. RandySF Aug 2014 #73

It takes a DUer dying to have a civil thread. Usually. Eleanors38 Sep 2014 #147

I would have politely told the guy to fuck off. trumad Aug 2014 #8

What is the penalty for throwing a HS guy overboard? Generic Other Aug 2014 #10

I question if the guy was HS. trumad Aug 2014 #32

Would you care if he targeted your daughter? Generic Other Aug 2014 #34

I think you read me wrong... trumad Aug 2014 #43

Yes Generic Other Aug 2014 #90

Does Scott Brown have another brother? MADem Aug 2014 #63

You would have, too n/t ReRe Aug 2014 #53

It is amazing how often things like this happen etherealtruth Aug 2014 #11

... the only answer you are going to get from me is "the most beautiful child in the world" 3catwoman3 Aug 2014 #15

Bi-racial families deal with this all the time Generic Other Aug 2014 #29

Without doubt ... my children are now grown ... etherealtruth Aug 2014 #44

Yes, too often laundry_queen Aug 2014 #54

Sadly, I think you start to get used to abject stupidity launched in your direction etherealtruth Aug 2014 #64

Racial Profiling: It's not just for black people any more. rocktivity Aug 2014 #13

Is it not exploitive to put photos of them online? oberliner Aug 2014 #14

To show how innocent the photos were. GoneOffShore Aug 2014 #16

Still doesn't seem like a good idea oberliner Aug 2014 #24

Alrighty then. GoneOffShore Aug 2014 #100

I think he should have taken a pic of the HS guy. With or without binoculars...! nt MADem Aug 2014 #20

Yes, agreed oberliner Aug 2014 #23

Only if they didn't want him to. Mariana Aug 2014 #40

They're minors. He makes the decision. nt MADem Sep 2014 #115

Tell'em to mind their own damn business meow2u3 Aug 2014 #19

I once read an article about a white man who was stopped by the police tblue37 Aug 2014 #22

It happens. And it happens that black men who have light bright children or white stepchildren take MADem Aug 2014 #28

I suspect that some PDs do psych profiles--specifically looking for the tblue37 Aug 2014 #38

happens to white males in uk with non white kids, they are profiled as child molesters Liberal_in_LA Aug 2014 #56

Mark my words, the DHS will make Hoover's FBI look like boy scouts in years to come. Rex Aug 2014 #26

Apparently white guys, black guys, asian guys, hispanic guys and native american guys are all... lumberjack_jeff Aug 2014 #27

Ah you see this as gender profiling Generic Other Aug 2014 #39

What the photographer looks like physically, beyond race, would also come into play ProudToBeBlueInRhody Aug 2014 #102

A shlubby, balding man with glasses and a few extra pounds Generic Other Aug 2014 #104

Exactly ProudToBeBlueInRhody Aug 2014 #107

He's a public figure--he is a graphic artist who does "Both Political Parties SUCK" photoshops MADem Sep 2014 #123

Well, you've kinda proven my point. ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #130

Well, his appearance wasn't the only point of contention. MADem Sep 2014 #144

It's that privilege that leads to men doing those things treestar Aug 2014 #70

Getting stopped by concerned strangers while out with my biological father Kber Aug 2014 #30

What the hell? Generic Other Aug 2014 #35

I actually got my dad a tee shirt that read Kber Aug 2014 #61

This is amazing to me. cwydro Aug 2014 #74

It was an gender thing, not a racial thing Kber Aug 2014 #77

Let me ask you a serious question ProudToBeBlueInRhody Aug 2014 #105

High Cheek Bones fredamae Aug 2014 #36

You are an "unofficial" generic other Generic Other Aug 2014 #45

Ha! Yep--- fredamae Aug 2014 #50

i have empathy... blue sky at night Aug 2014 #37

So how come the purity ball fathers aren't questioned? Generic Other Aug 2014 #46

Those are scary photos. iemitsu Aug 2014 #87

Reminds me of the time JustAnotherGen Aug 2014 #49

I would be remiss if I didn�t ask if you were okay.? Helen Borg Aug 2014 #51

You know, I can cope with all sorts of members of the human zoo Warpy Aug 2014 #52

Nowadays I think that men in generally get profiled if they are with young children or tblue37 Aug 2014 #57

IMO that's the paranoia that would have been at work here treestar Aug 2014 #69

I wish he had asked for a business card. A few of his questions might have been answered. Raine1967 Aug 2014 #59

Questioning Looks jorgebob28 Aug 2014 #62

LOL RandySF Aug 2014 #72

:) Your way of handling the situation reminds me of iemitsu Aug 2014 #91

Welcome Jorgebob to DU! Generic Other Aug 2014 #108

I have been stopped before walking my daughter home from daycare Generic Brad Aug 2014 #68

This would have upset me very much as a child Generic Other Aug 2014 #93

I had a similar incident once at the playground. RandySF Aug 2014 #71

Yes! Who seems to be the creep in that case? Generic Other Aug 2014 #98

Why would anyone make that leap to "questionable photos". Something is really messed up still_one Aug 2014 #76

Because all Asian women with white men are... Generic Other Aug 2014 #94

Actually if he identified himself as HS, you should get his name and report him. My wife is Chinese still_one Aug 2014 #99

West Coasters vs Jersey Shore Generic Other Aug 2014 #101

The white man who wrote the article didn't ask for the HS man's business card. MADem Sep 2014 #128

appreciate the perspective still_one Sep 2014 #134

On one hand, I see the point re: profiling, but cyberswede Aug 2014 #80

Makes me angry! frogmarch Aug 2014 #81

That's what I am talking about Generic Other Aug 2014 #95

If I happened to see the same, THAT would have been the LAST thing I would have thought,,,, benld74 Aug 2014 #84

That HS guy is a complete moron LittleBlue Aug 2014 #96

White male complaining about being profiled? ncjustice80 Sep 2014 #109

My father's reaction is not his reaction Generic Other Sep 2014 #133

should have given them Uzis. That would have been left alone Doctor_J Sep 2014 #138

I am a white father with a black daughter, and we have been on the Cape May ferry ... kwassa Sep 2014 #143

+1 to We should all watch out for each other. It's a good sentiment. nt MADem Sep 2014 #145

No. If the officer doesnt have proof of a crime he should ncjustice80 Sep 2014 #149

You have a nice day. nt MADem Sep 2014 #150

A similar thing occurred to my husband several years ago in a Sam's Club parking lot LibertyLover Sep 2014 #151