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LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)

9. Abusers are also extremely good at getting their victims to blame themselves and apologize!?!?!??

Mon Sep 8, 2014, 01:07 PM

Sep 2014

They'll center their whole lives around not provoking their abuser and then when abuse happens anyway they'll blame themselves and focus on avoiding that particular trigger the next time. And often the people who surround them will encourage this.

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Dynamics of Domestic Abuse [View all] sufrommich Sep 2014 OP

Thanks for Posting! Sherman A1 Sep 2014 #1

I think so too. Thanks for commenting. nt sufrommich Sep 2014 #2

If this is an attempt to educate based on another thread... IdaBriggs Sep 2014 #3

It's very hard for victims who have been beaten and berated sufrommich Sep 2014 #4

She walked into the relationship with her own baggage. IdaBriggs Sep 2014 #12

........ daleanime Sep 2014 #26

I wasn't there so I don't know the facts surrounding your sisters' situation but I can say this from justiceischeap Sep 2014 #27

Sometimes the victim wants out but sees no way to do that. Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #6

She got comfortable with it, until the end. IdaBriggs Sep 2014 #14

Got comfortable with it? Then she was a rare bird. Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #21

That particular relationship lasted about five years. IdaBriggs Sep 2014 #29

Well, if there's serious dysfunction in a family the likelihood of considering abuse acceptable or Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #34

Co-Dependent-Land is a weird, weird place lapislzi Sep 2014 #37

I am sorry that this happened to your family. lapislzi Sep 2014 #7

"Every domestic violence survivor I have ever met has performed minor acts of heroism every day." sufrommich Sep 2014 #8

Aw, shucks, thanks :-) lapislzi Sep 2014 #15

"when your secret wish is for the abuser to get hit by a bus" -- IdaBriggs Sep 2014 #24

Thank you for your kind words. IdaBriggs Sep 2014 #16

I honestly "got" your "getting it." lapislzi Sep 2014 #28

Victim blaming is what terrible people do. nt LeftyMom Sep 2014 #10

Indeed. Lots of words went into that victim blaming post. PeaceNikki Sep 2014 #13

Yup. I can see why you think I am a terrible person. IdaBriggs Sep 2014 #19

My stepson beats his girlfriend .. SummerSnow Sep 2014 #33

Well, what are you waiting for? derby378 Sep 2014 #42

the cops were called.he went to jail.they're back together.back at ya. SummerSnow Sep 2014 #44

Ugh - sorry to hear that. derby378 Sep 2014 #45

Get a clue. PeaceNikki Sep 2014 #17

best post in this thread! bettyellen Sep 2014 #22

Unfortunately, that blog does not match with my "real life" experience. IdaBriggs Sep 2014 #23

And I am free to tell you I think it's terrible. BTW, I have "real life experience" as well. PeaceNikki Sep 2014 #25

You are right - I didn't read it. I apologize for that. IdaBriggs Sep 2014 #30

I can feel the pain in your posts on this thread,Ida. sufrommich Sep 2014 #32

+ 1 zillion lapislzi Sep 2014 #5

Abusers are also extremely good at getting their victims to blame themselves and apologize!?!?!?? LeftyMom Sep 2014 #9

Very true. nt sufrommich Sep 2014 #11

"look what you made me do" nt justabob Sep 2014 #18

Thank you for this post me b zola Sep 2014 #20

K&R and K&R and K&R..nt riderinthestorm Sep 2014 #31

Been there, done that & got the t-shirt! Melurkyoulongtime Sep 2014 #35

Welcome to DU Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #38

hey, lady fizzgig Sep 2014 #39

Thank you Melurkyoulongtime Sep 2014 #40

The relief period is commonly called "the honeymoon phase." Warpy Sep 2014 #36

Thank You for the OP rbrnmw Sep 2014 #41

K&R Tuesday Afternoon Sep 2014 #43