Your frustration came through loud and clear.
Self-destructive and other urges can lead people to very bad places. Usually this is only apparent with hindsight. How fortunate for you and your sister that you were able to see the terrible patterns and gradually break free of them.
Don't be too hard on yourself, or your sisters. Just because you made some bad choices doesn't mean anybody has the right to exploit them and hurt you. Doing that makes them terrible people--not you. And, guess what? Even the most heinous abuser has or had some quality that drew the victim. Nobody's all good or all bad. Twenty years on, I can share a meal with my former abuser, for the sake of the daughter we raised. I can do this because I learned how to set boundaries, and how to forgive. That last one took a long time. Now he's the damaged one, and I'm sorry for him.
I wish you healing on your journey. 
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