Dynamics of Domestic Abuse

[lapislzi]

37. Co-Dependent-Land is a weird, weird place

It is absolutely amazing and horrifying what people come to accept as "normal." Especially if that's all you've ever known. There's a certain perverse comfort in the familiar, no matter how bad it is. At least you know what to expect.

If you come from a family where the paradigm is that the dominant male is a substance abuser, and who regularly hurts pets and other family members, some part of you views this as The Way Things Are. You might not necessarily believe you deserve to be hurt, and you might be angry at the unfairness, but you also might accept this as your lot in life.

Growing up in an abusive home, I remember hearing the word "love" spoken elsewhere--outside my home, where it was not used. And I thought to myself that this might be a nice thing, and maybe some day I could find out what that meant. Or, you know, maybe not. I thought, maybe not everybody gets to be loved, and maybe my lot in life is to be hurt.

It took me many years, an abusive husband, and many therapists to unlearn those "truths" I absorbed growing up.