For those of you criticizing (victim-blaming) Janay Palmer for marrying Ray Rice:

[pnwmom]

33. Here's an article that might explain it better than some of us have been doing.

Does this make it clearer? The author talks about how two lovers become emotionally bound to each other. When the author talks about a "betrayal," one of the examples she gives is of the abuser punching the other person.

http://www.commdiginews.com/sports/why-janay-rice-and-other-domestic-violence-victims-dont-leave-18179/

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As a result of these betrayals, the victim experiences confusion, shock, and trauma. A new type of bond is formed: a betrayal bond often referred to as a trauma bond. The victim does not see these betrayals and traumas for what they are due to the immediate onset of cognitive dissonance. In this state of confusion and dissonance, the victim attempts to make sense of two co-occurring yet opposing bonds: the love bond and the betrayal bond. And because the love bond feels better and is perceived and preferred by the victim to be “the bond” that holds the couple together, victims, in a state of hypervigilance, attempt to dismiss and minimize the betrayal bond and do whatever they can to build, nurture, and maintain the love bond.

Therefore, it can be concluded that by the time the first betrayal or trauma event takes place, the victim is already an addict. The betrayal and trauma event simply seals the addiction, making it that much harder to quit the relationship.

This can explain why Janay Rice may have married Ray Rice. Not only did she desperately want to prove her love and devotion to Ray, she wanted to minimize the betrayal, and marrying Ray meant Janay would no longer be obligated, under the law, to testify against him. Essentially, if she is not obligated to address the assault/offense against her, the sooner the offense, the betrayal, can be forgotten and put in her past.

Ironically, instead of blaming the abuser for the betrayal and abuse, the victim blames him/herself for causing the betrayal, “I did not show him/her enough love. That’s why this happened. What can I do to make up for this? How can I make sure this doesn’t happen again? I want to be seen as his/her soul mate and the love of his/her life again! I need to get back to that place in his/her heart.”


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