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moriah

(8,312 posts)

11. Between episodes of abuse, abusers are EXTREMELY manipulative.

Tue Sep 9, 2014, 12:27 AM

Sep 2014

EXTREMELY.

They will buy flowers, promise never do it again, woo the person, etc.

But by that time they've also subtly destroyed their self-esteem and self-confidence. They think that they're with a good guy who just has a few flaws. That he has to be a good guy, or he wouldn't do all the nice things they do before and after they knock you out cold. That they must have done something to deserve it. That it's their fault, because otherwise why would this "nice guy" hurt them?

By the time an abusive relationship has gotten to the point of actual physical violence, they've brainwashed their victims via emotional abuse into believing that there's no way they could ever do better.

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Don't ask why Janay Palmer married him. Ask why anyone would blame a victim. [View all] Triana Sep 2014 OP

thank you for this bettyellen Sep 2014 #1

I want to hug her. Here's this beautiful girl apologizing for 'her role' roguevalley Sep 2014 #21

100% Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #35

Not being an NFL fan- I missed this story. Sooo fucked up on so many levels and brought to you by bettyellen Sep 2014 #38

First off, what does her relative physical appearance have to do with anything. DrewFlorida Sep 2014 #39

"First of all" she looks just like my neice. Secondly, she is beautiful. roguevalley Sep 2014 #41

Your comment that she is beautiful is incredibly sexist, are you suggesting if she was... DrewFlorida Sep 2014 #43

The man is empowered by the owners and the fans of pro sports. I refuse to support them. NYC_SKP Sep 2014 #2

Keith Olbermann made a great point exboyfil Sep 2014 #3

Dear Gawd, sheshe2 Sep 2014 #4

People often like to judge what they clearly do not understand. And when a woman is involved... Triana Sep 2014 #5

I thought that as well. Skidmore Sep 2014 #28

No one is blaming her ann--- Sep 2014 #6

Re: "It's not "blame" to wonder why a woman who has been so horribly hurt would marry such a man" 951-Riverside Sep 2014 #8

Shame on me? ann--- Sep 2014 #10

read up on the psychology of abuss, ann---. It is strange but real. roguevalley Sep 2014 #22

No it isn't blame Demobrat Sep 2014 #12

It is not blaming Quantess Sep 2014 #33

I never agree with Ann---, but she is correct here. HERVEPA Sep 2014 #51

You are wrong on this. KarenS Sep 2014 #52

Between episodes of abuse, abusers are EXTREMELY manipulative. moriah Sep 2014 #11

In the Jekyll/Hyde personality of an abuser, the monster is the only real one. Triana Sep 2014 #16

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #18

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #24

No, that's exactly what you're doing. LeftyMom Sep 2014 #20

Your rambling ann--- Sep 2014 #26

you wish they were rambling. LeftOfWest Sep 2014 #31

HI LeftyMom. I want to interject my feelings on this because I AM a black woman who's survived Ecumenist Sep 2014 #32

I too was abused by my father as a kid justiceischeap Sep 2014 #34

Hi Justice, I agree with your assessment of the the fact that not everyone is as Ecumenist Sep 2014 #40

No, it's not blaming TexasMommaWithAHat Sep 2014 #37

It helps if daughters have a good male role model justiceischeap Sep 2014 #42

I agree. TexasMommaWithAHat Sep 2014 #44

Yep, TexasMommaWithA Hat, I cannot get my head around this. I didn't have much of a choice when I Ecumenist Sep 2014 #48

Glad to meetcha back! TexasMommaWithAHat Sep 2014 #53

I had a problem with my self worth for a little while when I was a young teen but a STRONG mom, Ecumenist Sep 2014 #54

I am so, so, terribly sorry you've been put thru all that. AverageJoe90 Sep 2014 #55

How do you know this? Your quote below; cwydro Sep 2014 #45

Because that's how abusers work, and note my use of the word almost. LeftyMom Sep 2014 #47

OK, I agree with how abusers work. cwydro Sep 2014 #50

What's with your screen name? LeftOfWest Sep 2014 #30

Seriously? cwydro Sep 2014 #46

Whatever they think their reasons are BainsBane Sep 2014 #7

Yes. KitSileya Sep 2014 #9

The answer to that question is simple ann--- Sep 2014 #13

Questioning why she doesn't leave makes it more difficult for the victim to leave. KitSileya Sep 2014 #14

How? ann--- Sep 2014 #15

Our shelter here is building pet space because the abusers kill the roguevalley Sep 2014 #23

It is victim blaming BainsBane Sep 2014 #17

I'm not blaming her - far from it MaggieD Sep 2014 #19

It was so creepy how he prompted her to apologize for her "role in the incident" SunSeeker Sep 2014 #25

Blaming the victim is disgusting get the red out Sep 2014 #27

Why someone chooses to stay with someone else.. sendero Sep 2014 #29

This message was self-deleted by its author Threedifferentones Sep 2014 #36

Ida know Capt. Obvious Sep 2014 #49