Don't ask why Janay Palmer married him. Ask why anyone would blame a victim.

[LeftyMom]

20. No, that's exactly what you're doing.

"I would have had him arrested and put in jail" is a fine thing to say if you haven't been there. That's already wrong because it implies that the victim is Doing It Wrong and you, the woman who has never been dragged around in her shoes, are going to tell her the right way to be victimized. Needless to say that's already some bullshit.

But it's also a great leap of faith in the police and the courts that experience would likely teach you was unjustified. Keep in mind that in this, the most prosecutable of cases, with the eyes of the media upon them, with two camera angles of video, with an act of tremendous violence beyond any doubt at all, she did not get justice. The man who knocked her cold and spat on her unconscious body got pretrial diversion. If he keeps out of court for the next year he'll get his record expunged. Like her abuse never happened. Could she see that coming? Likely. She knows that he's an enormous fish in a small pond, and a wealthy man. She likely knew that she would get no justice even if she advocated for herself, she should not be judged for understanding this reality. This is especially true because not only is she a woman in a world that does little to protect women, but she is a black woman in a world that does even less for black women. This is an angle that should not be forgotten in this matter.

It's also disregarding the simple fact that abusers spend a great deal of time selecting and grooming their victims before they do something this overt. Quite likely he was interested in her because some previous trauma had ground her down, and then he molded her further to his needs. He didn't walk up to a confident woman on the street and ask how she'd like to get knocked around by a professional football player for the rest of her life. He almost certainly found a woman with downcast eyes and manipulated her with alternating flattery and cruelty until she needed him to fill the widening gaps in herself.

Let's not forget that she had a head injury.

Bottom line: You don't know what the hell you're talking about and you need to stop. If you want to pin some Strong Woman Who Knows Better Than All Those Victim Women button on yourself and strut around go right ahead, but you need to do it in the privacy of your own home because otherwise you're further victimizing women whose abusers don't really need an assist from you, thanks.