Physical violence is a *late* sign of an abusive relationship.

[moriah]

17. That's true to an extent, but it can happen to anyone, even if you think it'd never happen to you.

Telling the story of leaving a man who tried to control me has scared off more than one guy who I suspect realized I wasn't an easy target.

And yes, I left long before it hit the physical violence stage, because I knew the warning signs, thanks to it happening to my sister -- another person who never thought she'd get suckered in by an abuser. She didn't even want to admit that he finally hit her and that's why she left -- she just said she saw him hit his mother and sister. That was true as well, but she felt shame for having fallen into the trap, even for a short while. But she told me how it started, and I'm grateful.

All it takes to fall in love with an abuser is to be a caring person who gets tricked by a manipulative asshat. It's not the victim's fault that she was deceived into thinking he was a nice guy. They try very hard to come across that way.