Don't ask why Janay Palmer married him. Ask why anyone would blame a victim.

[justiceischeap]

34. I too was abused by my father as a kid

and at the age of 15 finally fought back by telling my father if he ever touched me again, I was going to have his ass arrested. The physical abuse stopped but the verbal never has. My father is a hateful man and I can understand why he is but that doesn't excuse it.

Then before coming out I was briefly married to a man who decided the best way to make me stay with him as I was moving out was to beat my head upon a wooden box. With my childhood experience firmly implanted in my mind, I walked away. It was easy though because I had already decided to leave him.

You're right when you say people have a choice: the abuser has the choice not to abuse. Ray Rice chose not to keep his hands to himself. If you watch the video carefully, he hits her twice in the elevator, the first time is what brings her walking towards him and lands that knock out punch. He chose to convince her to apologize for her abuse.

Why did she marry him? We don't know the reasons for that. Maybe it's love, maybe coersion. I know my mom threatened to leave my dad when I was little and his response was that he'd take me and my mom would never see me again. She believed him and stayed. I believe he would have made good on his threat.

So, we don't know the why and probably never will but it isn't always simple. If a rich, powerful man says you're going to marry me or I'll make sure you never see that baby you're carrying, what would you do? My dad wasn't rich but my mom believed his threats.

The better question is why isn't he in jail? Why is he being sent the message that what he did (up until yesterday) has no real consequences? Is he going to blame the woman he punched in video for losing his career? If so, in what form does his blame take? Does he beat her or the child? Why not ask that question?

The point to this long ramble is this: you and I were both victims of abuse and we had the courage of our convictions to stand up for ourselves and say no more. My point is that not everyone is like you and I. We reached the point our abuse cycle much quicker than other women that are abused and their reasons for staying May be bewildering to you and I but they do have reasons, some of which we may never understand. It's not our place to question their journey but to encourage them with the strength or our experience and convictions.