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tblue37

(68,379 posts)

32. Furthermore, the woman might have been raised in a family

Tue Sep 9, 2014, 11:52 AM

Sep 2014

where abuse is not only present, but also justified--and often in the same way that her abuser justifies it. Then, of course, she is exposed to a society in which many people, including those with power and prestige, downplay or even excuse abuse.

Oh, and then she might also admire famous women whose partners control or abuse them, yet who stay with the abuser or go back after having left him.

Even now that we finally have some public discussion and condemnation of such abuse, the condemnation is nowhere near unanimous, so she is still receiving plenty of messages excusing or justifying her abuser--and quite a lot of messages blaming *her* for everything.

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Physical violence is a *late* sign of an abusive relationship. [View all] moriah Sep 2014 OP

Thank you moriah. lovemydog Sep 2014 #1

This is a very important & valuable post. WhiteAndNerdy Sep 2014 #2

Abuse by corporate politicians/parties and their propaganda machines works much the same way. woo me with science Sep 2014 #3

VERY true! n/t Triana Sep 2014 #9

Agreed Sherman A1 Sep 2014 #13

Hearing opinions you don't like isn't abuse. Pointing out someone is an ideologue or not pragmatic KittyWampus Sep 2014 #23

I agreed, but the fact that it kicked the thread and gave it some visibility made it where.... moriah Sep 2014 #25

There's a difference between being butthurt over politics and being hit by a hulking man. Dreamer Tatum Sep 2014 #28

Right?!? one_voice Sep 2014 #31

Be careful where you link. KitSileya Sep 2014 #33

Be careful with untrue smears that can be easily disproved. woo me with science Sep 2014 #40

Wow! On two different occasions, you were falsely accused of linking to a rw site? merrily Sep 2014 #41

What are the odds, indeed? woo me with science Sep 2014 #45

It is not necessary even to check the edits at all. merrily Sep 2014 #46

That's true re: jury results, but woo me with science Sep 2014 #50

This is also the 2nd alert I've seen today that accused a poster of linking to malware. seaglass Sep 2014 #52

Your post has a list of 22 edits. KitSileya Sep 2014 #42

But your juror comment was that woome had removed the link. merrily Sep 2014 #44

Every word so true. silverweb Sep 2014 #4

My favorite: "I'm sorry YOU were hurt by that" Triana Sep 2014 #5

Yep, exactly. moriah Sep 2014 #6

He did the right thing - apologized for HIS behavior. Triana Sep 2014 #47

Bingo. moriah Sep 2014 #55

Usually, it's--AT MOST-- "I'm sorry, but you provoked me." merrily Sep 2014 #43

Truth BrotherIvan Sep 2014 #7

Absolutely true. If abusive types were abusive at the start Triana Sep 2014 #8

Yeah. They ordinarily try to sweep you off your feet at first. moriah Sep 2014 #11

thanks for the post redruddyred Sep 2014 #10

they start by picking the kind of partner they think they can dominate Skittles Sep 2014 #12

That's true to an extent, but it can happen to anyone, even if you think it'd never happen to you. moriah Sep 2014 #17

the first time a guy tries to give me orders Skittles Sep 2014 #18

Yep. Same here. Now, at least. moriah Sep 2014 #21

I think that's often true, but is not a universal distantearlywarning Sep 2014 #22

I know enough to not know enough. Well said. randome Sep 2014 #24

Yeah, the whole sanctimoniousness from people who've never been abused pisses me off. moriah Sep 2014 #27

I disagree. This implies that the victim is at fault. It's a process and it's complex. merrily Sep 2014 #48

K&R Sherman A1 Sep 2014 #14

YES! And if he had never hit her before, he would have been beside himself pnwmom Sep 2014 #15

I noticed that, too. moriah Sep 2014 #19

I think that's why seeing the video made a difference for some people. pnwmom Sep 2014 #20

It should not have made a difference. merrily Sep 2014 #49

K^R me b zola Sep 2014 #16

Someone who married after knowing the gal a very short time bragged to me that merrily Sep 2014 #26

Wow. How did you respond to a disclosure like that? pnwmom Sep 2014 #34

Point is, violence is not always at the far end of a long chain. merrily Sep 2014 #35

It only took 4 months of marriage before my sister got hit. moriah Sep 2014 #36

She was a beautiful woman, much lovelier a woman than he was a man. merrily Sep 2014 #38

What kind of monster would say that to an eleven year old? Of course you didn't say anything. pnwmom Sep 2014 #37

You don't want to know. merrily Sep 2014 #39

OMG strawberries Sep 2014 #29

K&R for important info n/t LadyHawkAZ Sep 2014 #30

Furthermore, the woman might have been raised in a family tblue37 Sep 2014 #32

My favorite: I was really drunk, you know I didn't do it on purpose. Avalux Sep 2014 #51

HUGE k&r with thanks. This is very important to understand and too many do not uppityperson Sep 2014 #53

Well stated, moriah. Feral Child Sep 2014 #54