General Discussion

pnwmom

(110,179 posts)

151. Of course you can. In both situations, a significant part of the pay package is the free room

Sun Sep 28, 2014, 01:47 AM

Sep 2014

and board.

And the adult who needs live-in care might well have family members who could potentially have done it, but they don't want to leave their jobs.

So the situations are comparable.

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Nannies: something needed? Or should parents who choose to have children also rear them? [View all] Coventina Sep 2014 OP

So you would deny a person a job! whistler162 Sep 2014 #1

Not the question, obviously . orpupilofnature57 Sep 2014 #11

No that is exactly the question. whistler162 Sep 2014 #174

"Should" is the wrong way to look at it. If it works for them and they are happy with it, then it uppityperson Sep 2014 #2

Nothing wrong with three people taking care of their kids instead of two. Iggo Sep 2014 #3

I don't know the culture where they live, ZombieHorde Sep 2014 #4

It's often just trying to be conscientious. They could put their child in daycare, like pnwmom Sep 2014 #23

My wife has a degree in sociology. ZombieHorde Sep 2014 #27

Sounds like an urban myth to me. Who watches their neighbors put things into the garbage? pnwmom Sep 2014 #31

They would be set out so all passing by could see. ZombieHorde Sep 2014 #36

That's why my next self-help book will be "The $19.95, two step program to live a happy life" Warren DeMontague Sep 2014 #150

Ha! ZombieHorde Sep 2014 #203

And, I just gave it away for free. Warren DeMontague Sep 2014 #206

As long as the kids are cared for and healthy in body and mind, I mind my own business aikoaiko Sep 2014 #5

Nobody "needs" a helicopter Aerows Sep 2014 #6

Analogy fail brooklynite Sep 2014 #116

I know someone who has three children, and she and her husband are both full-time workers. CaliforniaPeggy Sep 2014 #7

Well, there are other childcare options, so the nanny isn't a necessity. kcr Sep 2014 #9

If you have multiple children, a nanny is often less expensive than putting pnwmom Sep 2014 #24

I don't believe it kcr Sep 2014 #34

They do in NYC Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #40

Oh, NYC. That place known for economical living. kcr Sep 2014 #41

It's true for most of the large metro areas. pnwmom Sep 2014 #48

Right. Large metro areas are swarming with low/middle class people who hire nannies. kcr Sep 2014 #49

No. But in those places, it's often less expensive to hire a live-in nanny, part of whose pay pnwmom Sep 2014 #52

If this were true, then lower income women would hire nannies. But they don't. kcr Sep 2014 #53

Wrong. Lower income women are forced to make do. pnwmom Sep 2014 #56

Forced to make do? Well, why don't they hire nannies? kcr Sep 2014 #57

Because many can't afford either licensed daycare or nannies. Both are out of reach. nt pnwmom Sep 2014 #59

Right, because it's only the fact that a daycare is licensed kcr Sep 2014 #63

So why do you call good care -- the kind every baby should be entitled to -- a luxury? pnwmom Sep 2014 #67

I don't. kcr Sep 2014 #70

Care options Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #166

Lots of unlicensed "day care" is actually one caregiver watching 3-6 kids in a home- pooling bettyellen Sep 2014 #72

I'm not talking about unlicensed daycare kcr Sep 2014 #74

for my friends, good day care is an absolute necessity. the thing about nanny s, tht FT live in can bettyellen Sep 2014 #76

Good child care is a necessity. I'm not arguing that. kcr Sep 2014 #77

It IS cheaper than sending two kids to day care though. I know loads of people who switched after bettyellen Sep 2014 #81

I know loads of people who did it, too. kcr Sep 2014 #84

Did anybody argue that? Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #167

I was a nanny for two families they were both poor both single parents Kalidurga Sep 2014 #95

Was this in the US? kcr Sep 2014 #98

Yes it was in the US but a rural area Kalidurga Sep 2014 #99

Lots of class issues going on, for sure. kcr Sep 2014 #101

I don't have stats, but I wouldn't be shocked if it turned out most child care is informal Kalidurga Sep 2014 #104

I'm sure it is kcr Sep 2014 #106

It should be a top priority Kalidurga Sep 2014 #124

But there are millions who still live here. And work. Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #165

Plenty of people do. And with live-in nannies, part of their pay/benefits pnwmom Sep 2014 #47

Luxury. kcr Sep 2014 #51

Why is it more of a luxury than paying thousands a month for three daycare tuitions? pnwmom Sep 2014 #54

Oh, that's some fine straw. kcr Sep 2014 #55

No, it isn't. Live-in nannies aren't as expensive as you think they are. pnwmom Sep 2014 #58

I'm fully aware of what "good" daycare means. kcr Sep 2014 #62

Why should you call it a luxury for them to choose the less expensive option for multiple children? pnwmom Sep 2014 #65

Why shouldn't I? kcr Sep 2014 #66

Because you're making no sense. The more economical option isn't, by definition, more luxurious. pnwmom Sep 2014 #82

It's only more economical because you're comparing luxurious options kcr Sep 2014 #86

Your Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #168

I often disagree with you but not this time. I do not understand what kcr's issue is, am in agreemen uppityperson Sep 2014 #195

Yes, we can agree. And the irony is pnwmom Sep 2014 #197

You're out of touch. Daycare for one child is AT LEAST 150 a week, add ecstatic Sep 2014 #139

Yep. laundry_queen Sep 2014 #159

And no one is calculating the cost of career damage from sitting out a few years of work.... bettyellen Sep 2014 #79

That poster couldn't care less. S/he thinks it's a luxury for a woman to have a career. n/t pnwmom Sep 2014 #80

Oh no? No one is calclulating that? kcr Sep 2014 #87

I did not see anyone post in consideration of that, but it was definitely a huge concern of bettyellen Sep 2014 #93

I'm sorry, but I think this is a matter of privilege kcr Sep 2014 #96

I hired a live in helper for my Mom that was cheaper than anyone would take for 3 hours/ day. bettyellen Sep 2014 #107

I don't think you can compare live in adult care to hiring a nanny kcr Sep 2014 #109

hell yes I can. because as a woman- I was forced to make the choice to be her caregiver or not.... bettyellen Sep 2014 #114

Caring for a sick person isn't the same. Yes, I agree. The fact this burden falls on women is unfai kcr Sep 2014 #117

the impact on many women's careers are identical though. insurance would only get her bettyellen Sep 2014 #121

Nope. Sorry. Not the same thing. kcr Sep 2014 #123

meh, many would say I had a choice. It sure felt like a choice, as everyone posed t to me as a bettyellen Sep 2014 #127

Look it up kcr Sep 2014 #129

Of course you can. In both situations, a significant part of the pay package is the free room pnwmom Sep 2014 #151

loads of people do nanny shares, and it increases the flexibility you need to work these days... bettyellen Sep 2014 #108

People do timeshares, too. Also a luxury, but less so then flat out buying a second home n/t kcr Sep 2014 #110

I consider vacations a necessity. and cars a luxury. it's all about prioritizing/ tradeoffs bettyellen Sep 2014 #118

Vacations, yes. Owning a second home? No. kcr Sep 2014 #120

nannies can save money if you have 2 plus kids. they are just another option. bettyellen Sep 2014 #122

Nannies can save money if you have two plus kids and don't want to pay the high costs kcr Sep 2014 #126

day care is limited hours, and prices are very regional. as are costs of nannies. bettyellen Sep 2014 #130

I know you are sincere in your belief it is an economical choice. kcr Sep 2014 #131

Economical and a keep your sanity and career choice. Which is another economic benefit. bettyellen Sep 2014 #133

Plenty of people keep their sanity and career without a nanny. Even in NYC. kcr Sep 2014 #134

not when the cost less than day care, they aren't. bettyellen Sep 2014 #135

Right kcr Sep 2014 #136

More assumptions. If you have great credit, sometimes the ecstatic Sep 2014 #140

? Maybe some parents are willing to sacrifice to give their kids 1-on-1 care? Barack_America Sep 2014 #145

That's a great Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #169

methinks there is some bitter envy involved and it's sad elehhhhna Sep 2014 #178

It is if parents mrs_p Sep 2014 #170

Sure it's a perfect question for a GD forum orpupilofnature57 Sep 2014 #13

Maybe they like their jobs leftstreet Sep 2014 #8

This is not related to the "luxury" argument Beringia Sep 2014 #112

I most vociferously endorse the use of nannies to raise the children of the rich. Jackpine Radical Sep 2014 #10

+1 jberryhill Sep 2014 #15

haha! Now there's a positive spin on it! Coventina Sep 2014 #20

Should women with medical degrees not have any children then? Why can't they choose both? n/t pnwmom Sep 2014 #22

My ob/gyn "quit" with her first pregnancy, and then started practicing again Coventina Sep 2014 #33

They aren't "raised by someone else". Sheldon Cooper Sep 2014 #46

Well, maybe it's a problem of perception, then. Because to me a live-in nanny means Coventina Sep 2014 #181

Yeah, and when the kid turns 5 or 6, he/she gets sent off to school for a full day. Sheldon Cooper Sep 2014 #210

Why are you being so judgmental of women with careers? This attitude belongs in freeperville, pnwmom Sep 2014 #50

I am not judgmental of women with careers. Yeesh. Coventina Sep 2014 #180

You are judgmental of MOTHERS with careers, which means you are judgmental pnwmom Sep 2014 #191

No, I never said that either. Coventina Sep 2014 #192

"Beyond any economic need." So if the family doesn't need two incomes, pnwmom Sep 2014 #196

OK, I apologize. I'm DU's WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD. Coventina Sep 2014 #199

No need for that, and you are far, far, from DU's worst. Not even close. pnwmom Sep 2014 #201

Yep customerserviceguy Sep 2014 #30

It's okay for women (and men) to be both parents AND employees. Sheldon Cooper Sep 2014 #12

My daughter was a professional nanny for several families LiberalEsto Sep 2014 #14

There are stay-at-home parents who are also lousy parents. pnwmom Sep 2014 #19

I wasn't trying to prove any particular point LiberalEsto Sep 2014 #193

Sometimes the children end up liking the nannies better than their own parents bluestateguy Sep 2014 #91

There have been "nannies" since long before there were Humans. DRoseDARs Sep 2014 #16

It takes a pack to raise a cub. Jackpine Radical Sep 2014 #39

And this is any business of you or anyone else how? AngryAmish Sep 2014 #17

Never said it was. And I never intended to ever say anything about it to her. Coventina Sep 2014 #25

just because Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #43

Yes it is, elleng Sep 2014 #156

We have a similar situation Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #164

Yes, OP is silly. elleng Sep 2014 #188

It's the assumption that's created. Coventina Sep 2014 #185

Because Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #208

women should never be dependent on their husbands Skittles Sep 2014 #64

The sixties called, they want your sexism back. joeglow3 Sep 2014 #138

Hubby is less likely to need a shelter Skittles Sep 2014 #163

Because men are tougher and can live outside? joeglow3 Sep 2014 #179

LOL Skittles Sep 2014 #204

Ahhh. Guilt by association joeglow3 Sep 2014 #211

FWIW, Skittles, I totally agree with you. Coventina Sep 2014 #186

Women are just as entitled to careers as their husbands. Welcome to the 21st century. pnwmom Sep 2014 #18

This DemocratSinceBirth Sep 2014 #60

To each their own JustAnotherGen Sep 2014 #21

You mentioned " position and earning power " twice in a row, never mentioned kids orpupilofnature57 Sep 2014 #29

You sound like a freeper. Most progressives support women in their career and family choices. n/t pnwmom Sep 2014 #68

I know I do! JustAnotherGen Sep 2014 #75

I didn't say that about you. I said it to the person you've been arguing with. pnwmom Sep 2014 #132

Thanks for the insult, I do support women as my posts the last 9yrs will orpupilofnature57 Sep 2014 #172

Just saying people I know in this situation JustAnotherGen Sep 2014 #73

Your right, and as far as the woman in SC , Hats off . n/t orpupilofnature57 Sep 2014 #171

See, when I read your first sentence I thought it would be followed by kcr Sep 2014 #45

I'm in a different place JustAnotherGen Sep 2014 #78

Just saying, those who project their place to others miss the mark kcr Sep 2014 #83

Yes I can JustAnotherGen Sep 2014 #88

It's not judging to simply state something is a luxury when it is kcr Sep 2014 #90

Well of course it's a luxury JustAnotherGen Sep 2014 #94

I never said anyone shouldn't. kcr Sep 2014 #103

I was a stay-at-home mom for 20 years! YarnAddict Sep 2014 #26

I am pro-choice and non-judgmental on this issue. Nye Bevan Sep 2014 #28

bingo Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #44

Would you be as disgusted if the kids spent the day with a grandparent? LeftyMom Sep 2014 #32

I don't think a grandparent is at all equivalent to a nanny. Coventina Sep 2014 #38

A nanny would probably be more energetic, know CPR, etc REP Sep 2014 #61

The grandmother of the children in question is highly medically trained in CPR & first aid Coventina Sep 2014 #182

How many nannies have you personally known? I'd prefer a cheerful, energetic young nanny pnwmom Sep 2014 #71

Old, tired grandparent? kcr Sep 2014 #137

As I said, and you ignored, there are good caregivers in every category. pnwmom Sep 2014 #142

Full-time live-in? I guess I'm the only one that I know. Coventina Sep 2014 #183

Happy, rested parents XemaSab Sep 2014 #128

I would love to have children yeoman6987 Sep 2014 #35

Me too, so if you had kids and felt like us, then what ? orpupilofnature57 Sep 2014 #37

To some children are status symbols as much as their cars are notadmblnd Sep 2014 #42

It's 'disgusting' for both parents to work, but OK if they have to? kiva Sep 2014 #69

Society would be poorer without women doctors, teachers, engineers, lawyers mainer Sep 2014 #187

Exactly. kiva Sep 2014 #190

How about the parents who SheilaT Sep 2014 #85

In some cultures it does take a village, or a nanny... JCMach1 Sep 2014 #89

I had one, she picked us up from school, watched us from 3pm-6pm weekdays, and on Saturday nights Hippo_Tron Sep 2014 #92

i was a live in, one summer in college. mom was divorced, back in college Liberal_in_LA Sep 2014 #154

My black daughter had a white English nanny ... kwassa Sep 2014 #97

I think the parents can decide what's best for their family gollygee Sep 2014 #100

My parents did, and we weren't wealthy. politicat Sep 2014 #102

thank you for sharing that. Very touching and thought provoking. I find a lot of people don't get bettyellen Sep 2014 #143

seems a bit judgmental to me. Just because you would have decided to do something different doesn't liberal_at_heart Sep 2014 #105

None of your business, focus on yourself and not others. Pisces Sep 2014 #111

so you would deny some people employment? brooklynite Sep 2014 #113

Women, I presume. One of the reasons poverty is so high among women. Barack_America Sep 2014 #148

I quit working when my daughter was born. The job I left was LibDemAlways Sep 2014 #115

What, you think the kiddies can be rolled in cotton batting Warpy Sep 2014 #119

I think the first thing anyone underthematrix Sep 2014 #125

I'm of two minds on this. Liberal Veteran Sep 2014 #141

Being away for 8 hrs per day is ceasing to rear a child? Barack_America Sep 2014 #144

Good questions. n/t pnwmom Sep 2014 #152

live in nanny allows more flexibility for the high powered couple Liberal_in_LA Sep 2014 #146

And it's often less expensive than paying for multiple children in daycare, pnwmom Sep 2014 #149

I think people should live their own lives and make their own decisions. Warren DeMontague Sep 2014 #147

It sounds as if you might be resenting them because you weren't able to have kids pnwmom Sep 2014 #153

Some nannies double as maids and/or cooks haele Sep 2014 #155

I'm wary of having a nanny for this reason.. RandySF Sep 2014 #157

We never 'let our sitter go' in such a fashion, elleng Sep 2014 #158

I think it depends. laundry_queen Sep 2014 #160

Thanks for adding so much to this discussion, Laundry_queen. pnwmom Sep 2014 #161

So easy to judge. I would have loved a nanny instead of some of the babysitters my kids had Hekate Sep 2014 #162

Economics and taxes of nannies exboyfil Sep 2014 #173

... TBF Sep 2014 #175

Why don't you reserve your opinions for things that are your business? Shivering Jemmy Sep 2014 #176

Outside of things that are TRULY harmful, I like to mind my own business CBGLuthier Sep 2014 #177

I don't mind if parents have nannies bigwillq Sep 2014 #184

If every woman stayed home to rear her children, we'd have no women professionals. mainer Sep 2014 #189

Which is exactly why right-wingers write TBF Sep 2014 #200

This is in the marvelous category of MadrasT Sep 2014 #194

I guess it depends on LWolf Sep 2014 #198

Another way to look at it: would you suggest that really rich couples both give up work muriel_volestrangler Sep 2014 #202

My daughter in law is a nanny. nolabear Sep 2014 #205

There's nothing wrong with a live-in nanny slinkerwink Sep 2014 #207

"these kids were planned, not accidents." Trillo Sep 2014 #209