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countryjake

(8,554 posts)

103. I thought of you the very first night he had the "choplifter" in his monologue...

Mon Oct 6, 2014, 03:21 PM

Oct 2014

and even came in here last week with the intention of posting the story, but there was so much serious stuff I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I herd that the judge at his first arraignment grilled him hard, but the thief was finally able to round-up a lawyer who'd work pro bovine and steered him to make a mooving plea.

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Police: Worker Hid $1,200 Worth Of Meat In His Pants [View all] Capt. Obvious Oct 2014 OP

So many opportunities for humor in this... MineralMan Oct 2014 #1

Is that a boneless rib-eye in your pants? frazzled Oct 2014 #2

He better get a lawyer. The steaks are too high! Beakybird Oct 2014 #3

LOL..... sendero Oct 2014 #21

The steaks seem rather too low for my money alcibiades_mystery Oct 2014 #59

Now you're really hitting below the belt pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #72

Captain Obvious� the jokes off the headline are too�. obvious. KittyWampus Oct 2014 #4

He thought the job came with porks; sadly, he was misteaken. pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #5

You always give a good ribbing. pintobean Oct 2014 #9

I loined it in my tenderized youth pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #34

You're not being a ham. pintobean Oct 2014 #48

I am always at your serving--just shine the bratsignal pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #67

I wonder if he'll be served with a garnish after he's grilled. adirondacker Oct 2014 #6

This guy? Tierra_y_Libertad Oct 2014 #7

You win!! n/t Whiskeytide Oct 2014 #13

Is that cod piece from the fish department? Sancho Oct 2014 #55

He shoulda dressed up as Lady Gaga. Rozlee Oct 2014 #8

Like a meat-and-greet Spirochete Oct 2014 #23

* Rozlee Oct 2014 #24

How much meat did he walk INTO the store with? Barack_America Oct 2014 #10

"Is that a porterhouse in your pants or are you happy to see me?" nt stevenleser Oct 2014 #11

Huh? ProfessorGAC Oct 2014 #12

All the theft occurred on one day, but not necessarily on one trip (per OP excerpt). nt pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #14

I Saw That, But. . . ProfessorGAC Oct 2014 #16

inflation pintobean Oct 2014 #15

Prime beef was going for $45/lb the last time I got up kestrel91316 Oct 2014 #28

No Way! ProfessorGAC Oct 2014 #33

Oh yeah. High prices for any animal flesh played a big role in my going mostly vegan of late. kestrel91316 Oct 2014 #70

I can buy lancer78 Oct 2014 #99

In that case... pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #102

I don't know, a 3 lb package of ground chuck is running about $15.00 these days notadmblnd Oct 2014 #61

If your ground chuck is still running, you may want to shop at a different store pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #71

He'll fry for this pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #17

That must have been some malaise Oct 2014 #18

Hauled him off in the patty wagon Blue Owl Oct 2014 #19

Well done! pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #36

A rare compliment from pinboy3niner. randome Oct 2014 #37

I don't mind being outflanked... pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #38

Due, no doubt, to your gristly personality. randome Oct 2014 #40

That's an offal thing to say pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #42

A sizzling wit, you are! randome Oct 2014 #43

I herd a good chuckle can braise your spirits, so I appreciate a gaggle now and then... pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #47

A good chuckle, yes... But a ground chuckle, no... Blue Owl Oct 2014 #65

Such tripe! n/t Aerows Oct 2014 #81

I think we have the new name for a Sunday Talk Show, Meat in his Pants. MohRokTah Oct 2014 #20

Meet the Meat. randome Oct 2014 #45

He had a tender loin. lpbk2713 Oct 2014 #22

Depending upon the store, mutt'n pants or mutton pants. lonestarnot Oct 2014 #25

He exceeded the maximum of one package per pair of pants pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #82

I assume he was strip searched. scarletwoman Oct 2014 #83

They even checked his skirts pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #84

Oh no! Did they filet him up as well? scarletwoman Oct 2014 #85

Well, the horny perverts put him into a private room and got pretty fresh... pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #87

Were they checking to see how well he was marbled? scarletwoman Oct 2014 #89

His USDA stamp would tip them off pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #90

So, the rest was just gravy. scarletwoman Oct 2014 #91

It's a marrow distinction but that's aboat the size of it pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #92

Ah. Shanks for that. scarletwoman Oct 2014 #93

Sir, yer loins are hang'n. lonestarnot Oct 2014 #104

Any wieners? 840high Oct 2014 #26

He was a pretty high end gigolo, I guess........ kestrel91316 Oct 2014 #27

Well done, A&P security staff NBachers Oct 2014 #29

A 1%er. Most of us guys only have a couple of bucks worth in our pants. Kaleva Oct 2014 #30

1200 dollars? Rod Beauvex Oct 2014 #31

Where's the Beef?! GReedDiamond Oct 2014 #32

And now for the gross one. randome Oct 2014 #35

Is that a sausage in your pants or are you happy to see me? davidpdx Oct 2014 #39

Maybe both were true. randome Oct 2014 #41

Trooper Melissa McMorris described the growing investigation... Sancho Oct 2014 #44

Further investigation revealed that the suspect was covered in tattoos. randome Oct 2014 #46

That's a veritable stampede of ink pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #49

That doesn't sound right meow2u3 Oct 2014 #50

Gives "Fruit of the Loom" a whole new meaning pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #51

Home of the Whopper PeoViejo Oct 2014 #63

He never sausage an opportunity before he got a job at A&P. nt pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #64

... PeoViejo Oct 2014 #78

K&R to help put this on the Greatest :) pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #52

Looks like he's roast treestar Oct 2014 #53

Not a good sign when your sentence begins, "Marinate overnight and dredge in flour..." pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #56

He was too chicken to try to steal that amount in poultry treestar Oct 2014 #58

Well, duh! He was eradicating cowmunism... pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #96

The evidence was lean. But they had a prime suspect so they beefed up security. GreatCaesarsGhost Oct 2014 #54

They grilled him, but he just clammed up and wouldn't talk turkey to the pigs. nt pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #62

He wasn't in the mooed to be cowed. His tongue would tell no tail. GreatCaesarsGhost Oct 2014 #66

The now ubiquitous identity: "worker." woo me with science Oct 2014 #57

He was charged with a strip in New York! Sancho Oct 2014 #60

Update: thief escapes arrest, is now on the lamb Blue Owl Oct 2014 #68

Roundup the usual suspects! pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #69

When told he was being charged with a felony rather than a misdemeanor, a small smile emerged. rug Oct 2014 #73

A cucumber would have been cheaper NoGOPZone Oct 2014 #74

But the look he was going for was tri-tip pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #75

The moyel slipped? Hekate Oct 2014 #100

Funny story about the origin of the word 'brisket'... pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #101

And now he's in the penile system Mister Nightowl Oct 2014 #76

UPDATE: The prisoner escaped... pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #77

Sounds like he had a beef with the store. SummerSnow Oct 2014 #79

As the song says, "Don't do the prime if you can't do the time, don't do it..." pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #80

This thread needs more cowbell. GreatCaesarsGhost Oct 2014 #86

this gives new meaning to the term Bombero1956 Oct 2014 #88

Last week, Letterman had almost as much fun with this story as Pinboy countryjake Oct 2014 #94

Busted, LOL! Did you really expect me to resist a LOLcattle thread? :) pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #95

I thought of you the very first night he had the "choplifter" in his monologue... countryjake Oct 2014 #103

He's hoping to get off, or get a light sentence, claiming it was all Bottom Round pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #105

Cops had to round him up at his other address because he mooved. nt pinboy3niner Oct 2014 #97

That's what they all say. WinkyDink Oct 2014 #98