Author Wants Southern States To Secede Over Gay Rights, Name New Country 'Reagan'

[jmowreader]

40. Actually, I think they should if they want

There are conditions they must meet, though.

First condition: They must pay for the relocation of all US Government-owned properties that can be moved. You know all those huge Army bases down there like Fort Bragg? They have to build equivalent facilities outside of Jesusland at their own expense.

Second condition: A circle of land with 50 miles radius centered on Cape Canaveral, FL, will not be ceded to this new country because Cape Canaveral (on edit: the rocketry center, not just the little hunk of land) has to be where it is.

Third condition: They must pay for the relocation of any individual or business that does not want to be located in Reagan - and the "relocation expense" will include furnishing the requester with a home or business facilities equivalent to those being vacated. This means, you fools, that if Boeing only wants to make planes in America the Reagan government has to build a new airplane factory in America at their complete expense. And they must agree to pay this fee at any time - if someone decides they've had it five years after the country breaks away, they still have to fund the move.

Fourth condition: As Reagan is not a signatory to NAFTA its exports to America will be subject to tariff. And no, we won't let them join.

Fifth condition: The import duty on any product containing any percentage of Reagan-grown tobacco will be set to 100 percent of the price of the product in the most expensive convenience store in Atlanta, GA, and we can increase it if that doesn't reduce smoking by the expected amount.

Sixth condition: Reagan will not be eligible for foreign aid.

Seventh condition: They must buy the Tennessee Valley Authority at full fair market value.

Eighth condition: We won't take y'all back when you figure out your region can't survive without the Yankees propping it up.