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liberal_at_heart

(12,081 posts)

47. There is no guarantee for anybody. I refuse to let those on here who hate the idea of being married

Mon Oct 27, 2014, 11:29 PM

Oct 2014

and staying home with children scare me. My husband has a friend who was just divorced and he is paying temporary alimony. I have looked into the law in my state and I am entitled to temporary alimony. I am not afraid to fight for my rights and I know there are job training programs in my area. I have already looked into a program at one of my local community colleges that I am interested in. It's job training for being a lab technician. My children are getting older and I am interested in finding something that I am interested in to occupy my time. I plan on going back to community college part time to study both chemistry and finance. I have always loved science and over the years I have found I am better with the family money than my husband is. So, I wouldn't mind going to school to learn how to invest. I'm not sure which one I enjoy more so I will take some classes from both to help me figure it out.

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Stay-at-Home Mom Facing Divorce? Don't Expect Alimony - Forbes article [View all] FLPanhandle Oct 2014 OP

Articles Reveal The Perils Of Stay At Home Moms. In 3 Words. In Such Arrangement "You're Screwed." TheMastersNemesis Oct 2014 #1

I'd like to see the numbers on this, by decade. grasswire Oct 2014 #6

I'd like to see the ideologic background of these judges. Is this trend only a big victory Hortensis Oct 2014 #13

Interesting the lawyers were most concerned when it's a female judge. FLPanhandle Oct 2014 #14

Perhaps, but I think mostly women tend to be more clear eyed about, and certainly less Hortensis Oct 2014 #19

You should watch a documentary done by the Canadian Film Board tech3149 Oct 2014 #20

You should post this in its own thread AwakeAtLast Oct 2014 #48

Rather ironic isn't it? Lancero Oct 2014 #24

It's why even older Boomer women who didn't have to work Warpy Oct 2014 #227

Opportunities for ANYONE without recent employment are NIL! napi21 Oct 2014 #2

Exactly abelenkpe Oct 2014 #8

Must be something new, I got divorced 3 years ago and pay alimony. dilby Oct 2014 #3

I'm a stay at home mom who hasn't worked in 20 years. I would hope I would get a chance to at least liberal_at_heart Oct 2014 #4

You might hope for it, but in many regions most job training programs were canceled during the Hortensis Oct 2014 #18

There is no guarantee for anybody. I refuse to let those on here who hate the idea of being married liberal_at_heart Oct 2014 #47

Hi, Lib. I missed your post before and just wanted to say good for you. Hortensis Nov 2014 #238

Staying home to take care of your kids can be a real detriment to your career, Sheldon Cooper Oct 2014 #5

I have a family member who is a stay at home dad. grasswire Oct 2014 #7

Geez AndreaCG Oct 2014 #10

this year the youngest is in kindergarten grasswire Oct 2014 #11

Even while married, I worked full-time at night and took care of the kids during the day Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #78

I was headed down that road... Sen. Walter Sobchak Oct 2014 #233

When I worked in state government I noticed we hired many women with no recent work history. Shrike47 Oct 2014 #9

I'm wondering how many of those enabling jobs might have been canceled by right wing budget cuts...? Hortensis Oct 2014 #16

"Nearly every state is revisiting its laws on alimony � or �maintenance� � in divorce cases" KamaAina Oct 2014 #12

Hardly. Daemonaquila Oct 2014 #15

wow Liberal_in_LA Oct 2014 #17

A prenuptual agreement should be mandatory for the state to recognise a marriage. Donald Ian Rankin Oct 2014 #21

actually a very good idea etherealtruth Oct 2014 #32

I'd go with that. I think marriage is quite worthless nowadays anyway. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #68

I help middle aged women going through divorce Sienna86 Oct 2014 #128

that type of agreement makes sense. samsingh Oct 2014 #182

One reason I oppose marriage. alarimer Oct 2014 #22

I think this would be more a case for opposing having children FLPanhandle Oct 2014 #23

Not entirely GummyBearz Oct 2014 #39

In life we all take some risk and sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things liberal_at_heart Oct 2014 #25

But what would happen if you weren't granted AndreaCG Oct 2014 #29

It's certainly not a bad idea for everybody to be aware of the divorce and alimony laws in their liberal_at_heart Oct 2014 #30

Plus you'll split marital assets, so it's not like you'd be in the gutter. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #105

Always have been against alimony. Always will be. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #26

What a shock n/t kcr Oct 2014 #31

ya. isnt it. nt seabeyond Oct 2014 #33

I wonder if that poster, GummyBearz Oct 2014 #41

What is silly about a father getting custody? n/t kcr Oct 2014 #42

"a good father a chance at primary custody of a child in a divorce" Scout Oct 2014 #171

Until Equal Pay for Equal Work Liberalynn Oct 2014 #27

It has been the law for 51 years. lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #44

Then until that law actually starts being actually enforced Liberalynn Oct 2014 #45

I wonder if this works when it's the man LibertyLover Oct 2014 #28

Yes, I've read articles about women wanting alimony reform bc they pay it. tammywammy Oct 2014 #35

The odds of a man getting alimony certainly has to be lower. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #55

This message was self-deleted by its author kcr Oct 2014 #57

Hopefully child support is a different matter bhikkhu Oct 2014 #34

Child support is separate from alimony. n/t tammywammy Oct 2014 #36

Kids can't just be put aside, though. kcr Oct 2014 #37

I doubt anyone agreed to the arrangement of supporting anyone after divorce. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #38

Of course they didn't. Most people don't expect to divorce when they marry. kcr Oct 2014 #40

It doesn't matter if they agreed to it or not. kcr Oct 2014 #85

How is that implicit at all? LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #113

Planned or not, the divorce happens. How is it right for one to leave the other hanging kcr Oct 2014 #119

I answered. It's not my fault if you don't like the answer. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #133

Both. So why does only one face the consequence? kcr Oct 2014 #134

Because in the real world choices have consequences. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #135

Choices have consequences. kcr Oct 2014 #136

Am I not typing in English or something? LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #137

Are people forced to marry stay at home spouses? kcr Oct 2014 #138

What the hell are you even talking about? LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #143

You have not answered why the working spouse doesn't have to face any consequences kcr Oct 2014 #144

Why does the working spouse own the SAHP anything? LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #148

Because taking care of children isn't work? IdaBriggs Oct 2014 #145

It's more of a parental duty. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #149

Child care and care giving do have monetary value. IdaBriggs Oct 2014 #164

Slap all that on a resume then... LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #169

Here's a clue. They don't. kcr Oct 2014 #203

Because one partner didn't voluntarily choose to remove themselves from the workforce. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #220

How do you figure? kcr Oct 2014 #221

Have we gotten to the point that you are so impervious to reason... LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #224

I'm not the one impervious to reason kcr Oct 2014 #225

And, now you have to moved to just making things up. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #228

It is not implicit that one will be left in poverty because of that lack of buildup in work history kcr Oct 2014 #230

How are the results of not having a work history... LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #231

Then why not abolish all divorce laws by that logic? kcr Oct 2014 #232

Because that would be idiotic. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #235

That's really selfish. Feral Child Oct 2014 #154

That's an excellent summation of an argument you just made up in your head. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #170

part of that SAHP/worker bargain is the SAHP is tying retirement into the future of the worker. seabeyond Oct 2014 #172

Why wouldn't that be covered... LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #177

here is the thing lost, and i am gonna actually take the time to spell it out the best i can. seabeyond Oct 2014 #180

Except instead of boxes, the guy in the green shorts... lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #188

no he isnt. cause the little ones have gotten on each side lifting the big one up.... seabeyond Oct 2014 #190

"hardly any part of the conversation though, is it?" lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #192

o... mg. i am washing my dog. done. seabeyond Oct 2014 #193

priceless graphic!! n/t deek Oct 2014 #209

Well, that was a fairly respectful answer... LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #234

just about there. not quite. actually, i am not the fan of maintenance/alimony. seabeyond Oct 2014 #236

Retirement <> another person's wages. lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #185

It's the internet. Feral Child Oct 2014 #173

Apparently. LostInAnomie Oct 2014 #174

Even with 50/50 physical custody, child support is used as a proxy alimony. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #56

Because children don't cost anything? kcr Oct 2014 #61

Don't start that crap. READ what I posted. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #62

It isn't arbitrary. It's a formula based on salary. kcr Oct 2014 #63

Even with near equal salaries, support can be up to 25% of a person's net income. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #64

Can be up to. You say it yourself. kcr Oct 2014 #67

Again, you didn't read my post. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #70

Find an example n/t kcr Oct 2014 #71

FUCKING ME! Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #75

No one is a fake feminist kcr Oct 2014 #77

In some cases, it's NOT necessary. Sorry, child support should not be any parent's right of passage Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #80

So, what mythical child requires no food, clothing or medical expenses? kcr Oct 2014 #88

Are you deliberately being obtuse? Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #91

I'm reading you loud and clear n/t kcr Oct 2014 #93

No, you're not. You've retrench into your "man must pay" attitude. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #96

No, mine is childen shouldn't starve attitude kcr Oct 2014 #97

Post removed Post removed Oct 2014 #99

I'm only responding to what you're typing in this thread kcr Oct 2014 #103

Because they make 2/3 of the joint income treestar Oct 2014 #122

Tell that to the men that went to jail for it davidn3600 Oct 2014 #126

Always anecdotes claiming this happens, but never actual evidence kcr Oct 2014 #127

No you have not treestar Oct 2014 #150

No, it is not treestar Oct 2014 #120

Good. Alimony is the ultimate expression of patriarchy. lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #43

Equality laundry_queen Oct 2014 #46

+1. Perfectly illustrated. Nt seabeyond Oct 2014 #49

! Bobbie Jo Oct 2014 #50

My new favorite pic. N/t. Whiskeytide Oct 2014 #72

Only when it's convenient. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #66

It's gender neutral now treestar Oct 2014 #162

And people wonder why the marriage rate keeps falling AwakeAtLast Oct 2014 #51

If alimony is granted, it should be for a very limited amount of time. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #52

It doesn't mean a lifetime. That is rarely granted. n/t kcr Oct 2014 #54

My cheating, abusive ex-wife tried to get alimony. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #53

remember that old saying you'd never die wishing you'd spent more time at the office? Skittles Oct 2014 #58

Not sure where you went with that. LMAO! n/t Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #59

lots of gals fall short of retirement savings / social security Skittles Oct 2014 #60

So the men that used to be in their life should be on the hook for how long as a result? ;) Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #65

If the man doesn't want to be on the hook, don't have a wife that stays home to raise his kids. n/t kcr Oct 2014 #69

So the wife has no control over her decisions and therefore is expunged of any personal choice she.. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #73

Oh, so men are forced to marry and have stay at home wives? They have no say in this? kcr Oct 2014 #74

So women are incapable of making their own decisions or having a thought in their brain? Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #76

Nice to know you think they can be tossed aside like garbage and left on the street. kcr Oct 2014 #79

So how long does a man need to pay extortion (alimony) after a marriage? Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #82

At least until the ex can get on their feet. kcr Oct 2014 #86

Depends on the exit. If the wive was cheating.... tough shit. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #89

But what if it was the husbun... not tough shit then I'm guessing? kcr Oct 2014 #90

The husband doesn't usually ask (or granted if they ask) alimony anyway. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #94

Oh, really? kcr Oct 2014 #95

That's your opinion AndreaCG Oct 2014 #92

So, I should pay my ex-wife (who was a lazy sack the entire marriage) Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #98

If you stayed in the marriage and let her stay home to raise your kids, yes. kcr Oct 2014 #101

Post removed Post removed Oct 2014 #102

Do you know what this thread is about? kcr Oct 2014 #104

My goodness you're a bitter person AndreaCG Oct 2014 #106

Isn't it ridiculous? kcr Oct 2014 #107

I'm bitter because I don't think a husband should be on the hook forever (or near forever) Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #109

They are almost never on the hook forever. This is a nonexistent problem being solved. kcr Oct 2014 #110

I read your post perfectly well AndreaCG Oct 2014 #112

That's not the law treestar Oct 2014 #123

I think in most cases individual circumstances and behavior outweigh any stereotypes bhikkhu Oct 2014 #165

Yours is a more reasonable post AndreaCG Oct 2014 #167

This message was self-deleted by its author seabeyond Oct 2014 #168

The kids love their mother bhikkhu Oct 2014 #207

Sounds like she was and probably still is depressed kcr Oct 2014 #211

Good point AndreaCG Oct 2014 #213

That's not what he said. AndreaCG Oct 2014 #83

No he twisted mine but thanks for playing. Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #84

So how did you react when your husband ordered you out of the house and into paid work? lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #176

because you gave nothing in the partnership when you were SAHP and your wife worked? really? seabeyond Oct 2014 #181

Certainly no more than my wife was giving. lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #183

O k ... . So? right there puts you on a level playing field for dividing assets, right? seabeyond Oct 2014 #184

So my contribution to the household while a SAHP... lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #186

i asked you, that yes, you gave as much as she gave, in this partnership. at this point, seabeyond Oct 2014 #187

In my case it's simple. We both spent time as SAHPs lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #189

twice now, you still did not answer a simple question. because things are not equal at that point, seabeyond Oct 2014 #191

You're not hearing me. lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #194

so... reality does not matter, you have your position and unequal works for you. seabeyond Oct 2014 #195

What I hope I'm making clear is my opinion of slavery. n/t lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #196

for you to define is as slavery, really does not put you in a good light. i know you are seabeyond Oct 2014 #198

Maybe employers can start using that flawed logic. kcr Oct 2014 #208

Since we are in a thread about divorce, I would assume you would be aware that it exists. kcr Oct 2014 #212

Let me get this straight. lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #214

If they don't want to be married to a SAHM kcr Oct 2014 #215

Because equality! and self determination! I am woman, hear me roar... for alimony! n/t lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #175

What about the determination of men? As I've asked before. Who made them marry stay at home wives? kcr Oct 2014 #202

What if that wasn't brought up at the time of the marriage? davidn3600 Oct 2014 #205

Who cares if it wasn't brought up at the time of the marriage? kcr Oct 2014 #210

did I fucking say that? Skittles Oct 2014 #81

Our boomers who did not divorce JustAnotherGen Oct 2014 #147

You stay home for 25 years and raise the kids. SheilaT Oct 2014 #87

So marital assets are split. That could be a lot of money. n/t Darkhawk32 Oct 2014 #100

Why shouldn't they be split? treestar Oct 2014 #124

Agreed. laundry_queen Oct 2014 #108

I left out the moving part. SheilaT Oct 2014 #115

Another thing laundry_queen Oct 2014 #117

But that's not the way it works in 2014 davidn3600 Oct 2014 #116

And those same courts are cheerfully SheilaT Oct 2014 #118

Yes. It's older women being hit hardest by this. kcr Oct 2014 #132

Yeah, it's a great deal for the high income spouse. Not so great for the kids. pnwmom Oct 2014 #111

If he provides a house, can he sell it when the kids turn 18? davidn3600 Oct 2014 #129

And yet they do kcr Oct 2014 #130

Why should he? He was rolling in money. Don't you think his young adult kids would care pnwmom Oct 2014 #140

That's the thing right there... davidn3600 Oct 2014 #146

who raises the kids? seabeyond Oct 2014 #156

Television and XBOX? davidn3600 Oct 2014 #157

wrong answer. an adult is needed, but then you know that. you just like to sit with your seabeyond Oct 2014 #166

Women's issues to you is women being protected from accepting responsibility davidn3600 Oct 2014 #178

what a fuckin bullshit, insulting, anti woman statement thru out your post. seabeyond Oct 2014 #179

Why are the men/working partner protected from the same decision? Why no responsibility for them? kcr Oct 2014 #204

Who benefited? davidn3600 Oct 2014 #217

Seriously? kcr Oct 2014 #218

In exchange for possibly lifetime alimony? Not a bad deal, really davidn3600 Oct 2014 #222

No one is stopping them, dude. In fact, there are more SAHDs. kcr Oct 2014 #223

how does a husband benefit with a wife staying at home? seriously? if you can actually ask that seabeyond Oct 2014 #237

Sure. Just remember who picks your nursing home. Starry Messenger Oct 2014 #151

Isn't there a division of assets and property when a couple splits? Violet_Crumble Oct 2014 #139

The US does not have much in the way of social safety nets kcr Oct 2014 #141

He was a lawyer who knew how to work the system, pnwmom Oct 2014 #142

So this is what institutional slavery looks like... Kalidurga Oct 2014 #114

Baloney, show me a state that has actually changed its law treestar Oct 2014 #121

A few years ago Kansas changed the formula they used SheilaT Oct 2014 #158

. . . treestar Oct 2014 #159

Kansas law is similar. SheilaT Oct 2014 #160

another one (Pennsylvania) treestar Oct 2014 #161

"It's ripping your heart out through your wallet" davidn3600 Oct 2014 #125

"staying at home" is always a dicey proposition.. SoCalDem Oct 2014 #131

I wonder where the author of this article got her facts? merrily Oct 2014 #152

My Ex Got Zip Sparhawk60 Oct 2014 #153

But what if the wife stayed at home by choice malaise Oct 2014 #155

The laws try to get the parties started again treestar Oct 2014 #163

You're on the wrong narrative. lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #197

this sounds like... oh, i dont know, reading an MRA site. seabeyond Oct 2014 #199

You have a point malaise Oct 2014 #200

of course there are bad bad women. i am sorry i did not put that forefront in each seabeyond Oct 2014 #201

It's not about bad women. It's about bad society. lumberjack_jeff Oct 2014 #216

No it is not Jeff. But that is what you wanted to hear about, seabeyond Oct 2014 #219

The author cites a couple cases known to one attorney. Not exactly stellar research. WinkyDink Oct 2014 #206

Military men? READ THIS AND DUMP LAZY ASSESS before it's too late! boatsfra Oct 2014 #226

My SO was a stay at home mom when she was married to her ex Ex Lurker Oct 2014 #229