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In reply to the discussion: Stay-at-Home Mom Facing Divorce? Don't Expect Alimony - Forbes article [View all]bhikkhu
(10,715 posts)I always assumed that my wife would go back to college or pursue something useful when the kids got to school age; she basically refused to do either. For most of that time, I got up early to fix them breakfasts and get them ready for school, drove them to school, picked them up from school, and ferried them around to sports activities and so forth. I honestly don't know what she did with her days, except that she was basically angry all the time. To alleviate that, she cultivated drinking buddies and credit card debts (hidden from me), while I also cooked our dinners, did the dishes and kept the house up. While working as close to full time as I was able.
So she does find herself in her 40's with out of date skills, probably discriminated against in the job market, and no particular skills or ability to support herself, but its very difficult for me to feel sorry for her. I can't conceive of having so carelessly having spent an unplannned life, with no apparent effort at all toward self-support. All inclination to remain "married" ended long before the actual divorce - I had no interest in marriage to someone I couldn't respect.
Of course, that's one side of the story, and it wasn't all entirely bad, as is usually the case in divorce accounts. There's a good reason courts sort things out. I was fortunate in being able to manage things decently, I think, and in being able to cut the cord. I don't know how she will fare, but any help or guidance I would have had was always rejected. I would have happily paid for her to go back to college at one time, but the decision not to, and to remain jobless, was hers.