Men need to feel less entitled and more empowered [View all]

[Recursion]

So, anyways, that's where I am right now. Rape culture is the result of men* feeling entitled but not empowered.

What got me thinking along these lines was an MRA talking point: "it's only harassment if the man is not attractive." For all I know, that has a factual basis: attractive men probably can get away with things that unattractive men can't, just like attractive women can vice unattractive women. But clearly this misses the real point. It misses the real point because it still has an adolescent rather than adult view of sex: it treats sex as a commodity that women "have" and favor or deny men with (quite unjustly denying them, as many MRA's would claim), rather than treating sex as an inherently mutual action.

I don't like bringing my own life into DU when I don't have to, but as an addict seeking recovery I can't help pointing out some similarities here. It's a narcissistic injury, just like when a drunk can't get booze or a fiend can't get coke. It causes a kind of panic: "if I can't get it now, I can never ever get it again". Been there; have the keyring.

The narcissistic injury is subtle and yet incredibly powerful. It makes you lie. Specifically, it makes you project everything bad about you onto someone -- anyone -- else. You're a drunk? You're not a drunk. Your old man was a drunk; you are just trying to get by (been there). You're an addict? Hell no. You've been using coke for 20 years and you're not addicted. That "addiction" talk is bullshit. You're a rejected PUA? It couldn't be that you are rejecting women right and left who don't meet your qualifications: no, you are in fact unjustly rejected at every step.

Empowerment is the opposite of privilege, and empowerment is what the MRA's of the world need. They need to realize that their worth is not based on which women do or do not want to sleep with them. They need to realize that sex is not a commodity; it's something they own just as much as the woman at the bar next to them does. They need to realize that the one common feature of their failed hook-ups is them.

Anyways. We need a lot more empowerment and a lot less entitlement in our talk about sex. Just wanted to throw that out there. I am in fact calling for a massive wave of male empowerment here. I think we should all get behind that.

* if your reaction was to say "but not all men" please step back for a slapping. We have more important things to deal with than you.