My Battle Has Been Won (Update Photo Of My Car After Crash)

[Flatulo]

41. Yup, I hear you about feeling like a loser, too. I was the chief bread winner in my family

for 35 years. When I stopped working 3 years ago, I went from making over $100K to 1/5 of that (I was approved for SSDI on my first application), and for the first time in her life, my wife was the chief earner. She hadn't saved a single penny in 35 years, and spent her entire paycheck on lavish vacations, spas, clothes, etc., while I covered all our living expenses.

That all came to a screeching halt for her.

Thankfully, I was a good earner, so I get the maximum SSDI benefit, and with just a few sacrifices, money isn't too big a problem. But I had the advantage of being mortgage-free, and also had my son's college bills all paid up. I also had a very good pool of savings and a 401K to draw from. The only expense that really hurts is property taxes, which I pay from my savings. We have a modest home, but it's still the single biggest expense we have.

But still... It kills me to ask her to help pay for groceries and other bills. And...

I can't carry a gallon of milk upstairs.
I can't have sex. The morphine puts the kibosh on that.
I can't go anywhere more than an hour away (sitting in a car is too painful)
I can't go to a movie.
I can't lift a snow shovel.
I can't pick up my little nieces and nephews.
I can't even walk 2 blocks.

My wife has been a trooper through all of this, after an initial period of horror that she'd need to pitch in for expenses. Like you, I've told her to seek out a healthier man, but she seems committed to me, bless her.

My biggest fear is where I'll be in 10 or 15 years. I just can't imagine...

I do think it's important to give yourself little victories to maintain your self-esteem. You've obviously had a major win with kicking the meds, and you should be very proud of yourself.

I've found great joy in tutoring local kids in pre-calculus and physics. I don't even charge for it; it just makes me feel good to give something back to the community, and I thrive on that look of comprehension when a kid finally understands a difficult concept. I'm proud to say that I've steered a handful of kids into persuing an engineering education.