General Discussion

JoePhilly

(27,787 posts)

158. My wife and youngest daughter pretended ...

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 10:44 AM

Dec 2014

... my wife pretended not to know that my youngest daughter knew, that Santa was not real.

... and my youngest daughter pretended to still believe, even though she knew Santa was not real, and she knew that her mom knew she knew.

Me and our other two older kid thought it was hilarious. My wife and youngest daughter both pretending Santa was real.

I think it went on for 3 years in a row. To this day, I don't think either of them has acknowledged that Santa is not real. My daughter is 13.

Oh ... the correct response to the question "Is Santa real" , is "Why, what did you hear?"

Its like when a kid asks, "Where do babies come from?" ... You don't just jump to "Well, a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina ... and then ... "

You start by asking them questions to get a sense of what they've heard, and what they already know.

That way, you can determine at what level of detail and specificity you should use when you respond.

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Should a child be told that Santa is real? [View all] edhopper Dec 2014 OP

They will find out soon enough Gman Dec 2014 #1

friends kid was 8 years old, hadn't figured it out yet. kids at school were teasing her, Liberal_in_LA Dec 2014 #170

Yup, that is the point you tell them Gman Dec 2014 #171

Or a fairy trades currency for teeth? Socal31 Dec 2014 #2

It's hard for me to remember (25-30 years ago when I was losing baby teeth) but I don't think I MillennialDem Dec 2014 #70

Seems we often accept and rationalize the imaginary as real when it suits us... LanternWaste Dec 2014 #182

There is really nothing similar about those things and Santa edhopper Dec 2014 #186

Great question and I think it really depends on the child and situation. hrmjustin Dec 2014 #3

I don't think a belief or disbelief in Santa is going to really change the course of a child's life ScreamingMeemie Dec 2014 #4

Good point. The answer could be "what do you think?" immoderate Dec 2014 #21

.... 840high Dec 2014 #134

some people who take the approach of telling them upfront that Santa is make believe the same Douglas Carpenter Dec 2014 #5

That's what we did with our son. But we did tell him that other kids had Nay Dec 2014 #122

No. I just prepares them to believe other bullshit later. FiveGoodMen Dec 2014 #6

As to Santa, you knew different from your peers. Whether you knew "better" is complicated. merrily Dec 2014 #46

The reverse happened to me. ChazII Dec 2014 #78

I did the opposite. Let them believe in Santa while they could.. deurbano Dec 2014 #188

If they outright ask they have had doubts for awhile. Tell the truth. alphafemale Dec 2014 #7

I asked because my spoilsport of an older cousin told me and I desperately merrily Dec 2014 #50

That Noah thing? alphafemale Dec 2014 #68

Thanks for the gratuitous, condescending sarcasm--and on a Santa thread, of all places. merrily Dec 2014 #138

Not this one. raccoon Dec 2014 #111

When Santa is unable to put presents under the tree Laughing Mirror Dec 2014 #8

. ScreamingMeemie Dec 2014 #10

That's one of the cruel things. alphafemale Dec 2014 #17

True, which is why so many contribute very gladly to toy drives this time of year. merrily Dec 2014 #48

Yes, charity, always the solution Laughing Mirror Dec 2014 #144

Where did I say that charity is always the solution? merrily Dec 2014 #145

Make sure you get that receipt for such generosity Laughing Mirror Dec 2014 #146

As I said in my prior post.... merrily Dec 2014 #147

How Bitter ProfessorGAC Dec 2014 #181

Yes. I think it's part of the learning process. Teaches them that adults can lie. Xipe Totec Dec 2014 #9

You mean edhopper Dec 2014 #12

That's oversimplifying it, but yes Xipe Totec Dec 2014 #27

That's interesting edhopper Dec 2014 #31

Teach them to distrust authority. To question authority. Xipe Totec Dec 2014 #34

They aren't taught that in their teens. Renew Deal Dec 2014 #152

I feel the same way. ZombieHorde Dec 2014 #79

I told my son pretty early, the truth steve2470 Dec 2014 #11

There are some who say you should never delusion your children. Lint Head Dec 2014 #13

What does that mean? edhopper Dec 2014 #16

Very young children do not understand the metaphor concept. Lint Head Dec 2014 #57

So when they are old enough to ask edhopper Dec 2014 #59

Life is not that simplistic and everyone must decide for themselves. Lint Head Dec 2014 #84

Thanks edhopper Dec 2014 #85

Good explanation! vankuria Dec 2014 #98

I have a friend who "never allowed her kids not to believe in Santa" VanillaRhapsody Dec 2014 #102

play along for a while LiberalElite Dec 2014 #14

No. avebury Dec 2014 #15

No, they shoudn't be told that Santa is real. frogmarch Dec 2014 #18

If the child asks the question, the answer should be no. nt ladjf Dec 2014 #19

I won't say what an other parent SHOULD do in this situation etherealtruth Dec 2014 #20

If they're asking, they already know the answer jeff47 Dec 2014 #22

Why not? We tell them heaps of lies anyway Prophet 451 Dec 2014 #23

There are good reasons to continue the Santa falsity Nevernose Dec 2014 #24

My neighbors are going through this now MiniMe Dec 2014 #25

What my father did... ScreamingMeemie Dec 2014 #33

What a great memory- thanks for sharing. Heartwarming. n/t MerryBlooms Dec 2014 #66

Well, he is tularetom Dec 2014 #26

Believing in Santa was one of the most fun and magical things in my childhood. Nye Bevan Dec 2014 #28

This^^ Finally.. nt elias49 Dec 2014 #121

The same pecwae Dec 2014 #166

No Kalidurga Dec 2014 #29

"I don't know, what do you think? And why did you ask?" MADem Dec 2014 #30

Is the quote in your title edhopper Dec 2014 #32

No, the quote in my title is how I would respond to a child asking the "Is Santa real?" question. nt MADem Dec 2014 #35

Got it edhopper Dec 2014 #37

yeah, that's my general take too fishwax Dec 2014 #129

A lot of times they already know, they just hang on to the fiction because it's more ... fun. MADem Dec 2014 #135

I don't think that giving a young child something magical to believe in is such a bad thing. world wide wally Dec 2014 #36

No, I don't think children should be lied to 951-Riverside Dec 2014 #38

Children are the absolute best people to lie to. Shivering Jemmy Dec 2014 #107

You've never, ever lied to your child ... ever? Drunken Irishman Dec 2014 #115

Somewhere around age 10.. sendero Dec 2014 #39

Hold on . . . Santa isn't real ??? branford Dec 2014 #40

He is too! cwydro Dec 2014 #49

LOL. You got my vote for thread winner. merrily Dec 2014 #52

I loved believing in Santa as a kid! ocd liberal Dec 2014 #41

Lying to children is wrong. Lying to anyone is wrong. Coventina Dec 2014 #42

I'm sorry. merrily Dec 2014 #56

Thanks for posting. Very good point. nt raccoon Dec 2014 #113

As real as any other fairy tale. Orsino Dec 2014 #43

And then there's the Elf on the Shelf craze... Lars39 Dec 2014 #44

For me, the real question is, should I tell my husband there is a Santa Claus? merrily Dec 2014 #45

I felt exactly the way your husband did. nt raccoon Dec 2014 #114

I'm so sorry. Did you get over it? My husband still wasn't over it when our son was born. merrily Dec 2014 #137

I guess not. I decided a long time ago I'd never tell my kids there was a Santa. raccoon Dec 2014 #148

LOL! Good one. Thank you and the same to you. merrily Dec 2014 #151

Yes. It's harmless. Ykcutnek Dec 2014 #47

To paraphrase Terry Pratchett Salviati Dec 2014 #83

WELL SAID, YOUNG HUMAN, YOUVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION. HO. HO. HO. Hekate Dec 2014 #142

If you lie to your children, you should be aware ... surrealAmerican Dec 2014 #51

How about telling Grandma that the meal she made is delicious? Nye Bevan Dec 2014 #88

That really depends more on the sort of relationship the child has ... surrealAmerican Dec 2014 #179

Let then be kids. Around 11 they tend to find out yeoman6987 Dec 2014 #53

Could it be that we should acknowledge the roots of the tale? Skidmore Dec 2014 #54

I don't know that the roots of the tale were all that accurate, either. merrily Dec 2014 #58

It's up to the parents newfie11 Dec 2014 #55

If and when they ask, I tell them the truth. Iggo Dec 2014 #60

I always waited for my kids to ask. When they asked, I told them the truth. librechik Dec 2014 #61

yes helpmetohelpyou Dec 2014 #62

yes what? edhopper Dec 2014 #64

I would tell a small child santa is real if they asked helpmetohelpyou Dec 2014 #65

is there an age edhopper Dec 2014 #67

The best answer to that (and many other questions!) is "What do you think?" logosoco Dec 2014 #63

I'm having my first kid in July, so this is a great question. Inkfreak Dec 2014 #69

Congratulations and enjoy the magical time of your child believing in Santa! Nye Bevan Dec 2014 #87

Thanks! And you're right! It's about the kid being happy! (nt) Inkfreak Dec 2014 #162

I think you DID just acknowledge that... ScreamingMeemie Dec 2014 #101

True! And thank you, I'm pretty stoked! (nt) Inkfreak Dec 2014 #163

Congrats Inkfreak! Renew Deal Dec 2014 #155

Thanks! It's crazy exciting, lol. (nt) Inkfreak Dec 2014 #164

Answer honestly, but lovingly when they ask. Frustratedlady Dec 2014 #71

But Santa is real. William769 Dec 2014 #72

Shifting from belief in a literal Santa to a belief in the spirit of Santa isn't hard for kids. ancianita Dec 2014 #73

Santa is as real as all other mythological entities. MineralMan Dec 2014 #74

"yes, virginia, there IS a santa claus" niyad Dec 2014 #75

No you should never start the myth of Santa gopiscrap Dec 2014 #76

Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small, was singing, without *any* presents at all! Nye Bevan Dec 2014 #86

santa is a woman niyad Dec 2014 #77

Never saw that before. Thanks for sharing. AndreaCG Dec 2014 #105

you are welcome. I got a card like that many years ago, always loved it. niyad Dec 2014 #184

for mine Santa was the spirit of Xmas, and we became Santa helpers at an early age, giving uppityperson Dec 2014 #80

I couldn't lie to my daughter. elleng Dec 2014 #81

I told Justice is real Bad Thoughts Dec 2014 #89

Christmas gifts were a HUGE deal, for my husband. elleng Dec 2014 #91

Make believe is fun... When the film Ice Age was popular, I created Scrat Day for them JCMach1 Dec 2014 #82

I always asked "what do you think and why". Until my son was 9 he always said he believed he was and OregonBlue Dec 2014 #90

Santa isn't real? LittleBlue Dec 2014 #92

lol - 840high Dec 2014 #136

If a friend at school doesn't get anything or not much of anything do you tell the child the friend TheKentuckian Dec 2014 #93

I shameless lie to my kids about this gollygee Dec 2014 #94

It's so cute when the older kids are in on the secret Nye Bevan Dec 2014 #118

It was hard for me to keep the truth from my little brother. Major Hogwash Dec 2014 #123

This brought me a big chuckle....thank you. nt snappyturtle Dec 2014 #157

If they are mindful enough to ask the question... malokvale77 Dec 2014 #95

I think at a certain point children naturally come to realize Santa is mom and dad. Marrah_G Dec 2014 #96

+1. It would be a cruel world if we didn't allow kids to believe in magic and fun FSogol Dec 2014 #99

When I asked my mother if Santa was real, she just smiled joyously and said, FourScore Dec 2014 #139

Well said. n/t FSogol Dec 2014 #160

Probably not. I would do it different if I could do that over again with the kid. LawDeeDah Dec 2014 #97

depends what real means Rosa Luxemburg Dec 2014 #100

Should a child be told god is real ? upaloopa Dec 2014 #103

Virtually all historians believe that there really was a Jesus Christ. Nye Bevan Dec 2014 #126

Virtually All Biblical Scholars =/= Virtually All Historians. Iggo Dec 2014 #161

So... historians of that time period (nt) Nye Bevan Dec 2014 #165

No...biblical scholars. Iggo Dec 2014 #167

Checkmate Atheists Capt. Obvious Dec 2014 #176

Just because they ask Politicalboi Dec 2014 #104

You should wait until they are older Shivering Jemmy Dec 2014 #106

When I told my son: Our Santa is kinda poor LeftInTX Dec 2014 #108

in most cases isn't it just something kids figure out on their own as they get older JI7 Dec 2014 #109

NO NO NO. I felt betrayed and lied to when I found out Santa was a lie. raccoon Dec 2014 #110

When our sons were little, I was very... 3catwoman3 Dec 2014 #112

I think your tradition is absolutely beautiful. All the magic and love, and a MerryBlooms Dec 2014 #117

No. sakabatou Dec 2014 #116

Right after they learn about Thanksgiving. rug Dec 2014 #119

We haven't bothered with Santa or the Tooth Fairy. Codeine Dec 2014 #120

Probably not a big deal. RedCappedBandit Dec 2014 #124

Instead of that lie, we told our children that the Middle Class is real. Orrex Dec 2014 #125

mom told me d_b Dec 2014 #127

Methinks they should learn about the original "Santa". . . DinahMoeHum Dec 2014 #128

If Santa isn't real, the Grinch definitely is. Initech Dec 2014 #130

My wife would tell you Santa is real. She still believes. She believes santa is the spirit of diabeticman Dec 2014 #131

Not cool to lie to kids nt abelenkpe Dec 2014 #132

My dad has a full beard and usually plays Santa around the holidays Recursion Dec 2014 #133

To this day, when I see Santa FourScore Dec 2014 #140

He is Santa so he knows first hand that he's real Renew Deal Dec 2014 #154

Why not have a little magic in a child's life for awhile? They outgrow it soon enough... Hekate Dec 2014 #141

They should not be lied to if they ask if Santa is real. bigwillq Dec 2014 #143

It's fun to pretend oberliner Dec 2014 #149

I've been waiting for this thread, and all the "I was scared for life" replies. ileus Dec 2014 #150

If the kid asks, they should be told the truth Renew Deal Dec 2014 #153

I remember when I was 6 and figured out there was no Santa Claus Peacetrain Dec 2014 #156

My wife and youngest daughter pretended ... JoePhilly Dec 2014 #158

My atheist daughter didn't believe in Jesus, but she believed in Santa. Heck.... msanthrope Dec 2014 #159

I'm a little bit amused... metalbot Dec 2014 #168

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Dec 2014 #169

Let them have fun in make believe while they can Capt. Obvious Dec 2014 #172

Well.... about 2% of Americans are atheists Nye Bevan Dec 2014 #174

Santa bless you Capt. Obvious Dec 2014 #175

That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is adults mmonk Dec 2014 #173

I would agree that there just comes a point where they probably figure it out themselves The2ndWheel Dec 2014 #177

depends on if child it circumsised or not d_r Dec 2014 #178

good point Vattel Dec 2014 #180

Should children be taught Parables or fables? dilby Dec 2014 #183

I believed in Santa as a kid; Christmas was a thrilling time of year LeftinOH Dec 2014 #185

We Had Great Christmases RobinA Dec 2014 #187

No. Lolita46 Dec 2014 #189

Sure. Why not? The idea of "Santa" is very real, whether you want to play along or not. cbdo2007 Dec 2014 #190

Santa was real at our house. leftyladyfrommo Dec 2014 #191