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jen63

(813 posts)

61. I had a friend who

Sat Dec 27, 2014, 09:14 AM

Dec 2014

explained to me that my incredibly toxic, narcissistic ex-husband was missing the mechanism in his brain that allowed him to have a healthy relationship with another person. It opened my eyes to the fact that nothing I did or didn't do would ever change that. It took me twelve years to get out. He had adopted my son early in our relationship and I just thank the gods that my son's personality was already formed before we met. He has ended up a wonderful human being and I couldn't be prouder. Myself, well, I've struggled and do believe that it's mild ptsd. They delight in the belittlement of others and do their utmost best to "crazy make." BTW, he has nothing to do with our son, post divorce. You see, that wouldn't make it all about him. I used to beg him to see our son, unlike some divorced women, as he was a good father when Kyle was small. My son doesn't seem too heartbroken as walking on eggshells gets old. I'm letting sleeping dogs lie. I trust my son to know what he wants and what's best for himself. I'm sure the rejection hurt him as a fourteen year old. As a 21 year old, I think he recognizes that he may have dodged a big bullet.

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Highlight:

How To Deal With The Narcissist In Your Life.... [View all] Little Star Dec 2014 OP

I Don't Know the Effectiveness of the Advice On the Road Dec 2014 #1

Thanks for posting, Little Star. Dont call me Shirley Dec 2014 #2

uh, no, we don't Boreal Dec 2014 #10

Uh, we all have fragments of our disowned selves in our own shadow selves. Dont call me Shirley Dec 2014 #14

I'm sorry you had that in your life Boreal Dec 2014 #15

Nor do I, but if we do not acknowledge our shadow disowned selves, we will not heal. Dont call me Shirley Dec 2014 #17

Narcissism and sociopathy Boreal Dec 2014 #18

I think you are right, and appreciate your straight talk. Seems this makes some who dislike appalachiablue Dec 2014 #25

I was unlucky enough to end up in a relationship OwnedByCats Dec 2014 #42

They don't have an inner moral compass Boreal Dec 2014 #43

You nailed that right on the head absolutely OwnedByCats Dec 2014 #54

Your experience is typical Boreal Dec 2014 #55

I will check that one out OwnedByCats Dec 2014 #65

Incredible. appalachiablue Dec 2014 #66

You just described my marriage. laundry_queen Dec 2014 #58

I'm glad you got him out for the most part OwnedByCats Dec 2014 #64

I wasn't talking about healing the narcissists and sociopaths, I was talking about healing for their Dont call me Shirley Dec 2014 #21

"shadow selves"? Where is the phil89 Dec 2014 #27

Carl Jung good enough for ya? Dont call me Shirley Dec 2014 #28

Actually, there is a healthy degree of narcissism -- the type that allows pnwmom Dec 2014 #49

Definintion of terms Boreal Dec 2014 #53

I think you're describing Narcissist Personality Disorder REP Dec 2014 #57

Indeed I am Boreal Dec 2014 #62

What do you think about this? azurnoir Dec 2014 #68

I completely agree with it Boreal Dec 2014 #69

This message was self-deleted by its author azurnoir Dec 2014 #70

Thanks n/t azurnoir Dec 2014 #71

I have 2 in the family, can easily identify and handle. For a wonderful, long overdue book about appalachiablue Dec 2014 #3

B.F. Skinner showed the way to shaping safeinOhio Dec 2014 #4

He was a sadist Boreal Dec 2014 #11

The field of psychology has moved beyond Skinner's "black box theory." pnwmom Dec 2014 #50

Yes it has, but safeinOhio Dec 2014 #59

Get used to them because you're stuck with them? Oh, hardly. MelungeonWoman Dec 2014 #5

Glad you got away from that and through the awful effects. Congrats. Hope you haven't been appalachiablue Dec 2014 #6

Thanks so much for the kind words. MelungeonWoman Dec 2014 #8

Howdy. I love all things plants and gardens too. I was born in Logan Co, WV just next appalachiablue Dec 2014 #24

glad you recognize C-PTSD grasswire Dec 2014 #7

I do too. MelungeonWoman Dec 2014 #9

This is correct Boreal Dec 2014 #12

I agree with everything you've said in this thread laundry_queen Dec 2014 #31

Cheap self help Boreal Dec 2014 #37

Thank you so much. laundry_queen Dec 2014 #40

Have you read "The Children of the Self-Absorbed" by Nina Brown? pnwmom Dec 2014 #48

Gee, I remember the title laundry_queen Dec 2014 #56

Yeah, I divorced my family of origin except for one brother dixiegrrrrl Dec 2014 #30

Scratch a narcissist seveneyes Dec 2014 #13

Rubbish Boreal Dec 2014 #16

Unreconciled reality allows for quantification of its components` seveneyes Dec 2014 #19

It is narcissists and sociopaths who are incapable of love Boreal Dec 2014 #23

A chemistry problem solved by time and a search for the solution seveneyes Dec 2014 #26

They are capable of love AgingAmerican Dec 2014 #36

At some point you will need to address your anger and denial or that alone will destroy you. Dont call me Shirley Dec 2014 #20

Oh, wow Boreal Dec 2014 #22

This message was self-deleted by its author Dont call me Shirley Dec 2014 #29

That's because it's clear the responses come from a place of ignorance laundry_queen Dec 2014 #32

Thank you for recognizing the BS Boreal Dec 2014 #33

It's one of those things laundry_queen Dec 2014 #35

I had a friend who jen63 Dec 2014 #61

Yes these tactics are hitting home real hard. I was with one many years, didn't have the name appalachiablue Dec 2014 #67

I wasn't talking about healing narcissists and sociopaths, there is no effective method of healing Dont call me Shirley Dec 2014 #34

I disagree laundry_queen Dec 2014 #39

How is telling someone that they can seek healing insulting? That is a bizarre statement. Dont call me Shirley Dec 2014 #41

"Everyone he posted to on that thread he was insulting" Boreal Dec 2014 #45

Everyone has a degree of narcissism but some people have it to an unhealthy degree. pnwmom Dec 2014 #47

What do you call nosey people who only talk smack about others? Quantess Dec 2014 #38

Narcissists and sociopaths - nt Boreal Dec 2014 #46

Here is a link to an article by Nina Brown about parental narcissism. pnwmom Dec 2014 #44

No Advice Needed Ryan Fitzomething Dec 2014 #51

Kick Liberal_in_LA Dec 2014 #52

This morning after reading the comments..... Little Star Dec 2014 #60

Our society seems to be designed from the ground up to be a happy hunting ground... hunter Dec 2014 #63

Just because they are family JEB Dec 2014 #72