My 93 year uncle died a painful death two plus years ago

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12. My 91 yo father was confined to a wheel chair,

could hardly feed himself, couldn't change channels on TV, could no longer read a newspaper,
and was living in a nursing home. He had dementia. This was 2002. On Friday when I was helping him eat his lunch, I told him my husband and I were going to Chicago for the weekend. On Saturday morning in Chicago I got a phone call from the nursing home saying that
my dad was refusing to eat and they wanted to put in a feeding tube. I told them, "no".
My dad had an advanced care directive. I figured it was his way of deciding he'd had enough.
He lapsed into a coma and when I returned on Sunday evening I went to see him. I went
to see him--and read to him on Monday--and told him it was ok to let go. I had kids
at home, went home to fix them dinner, planning to go back to see him after I picked up
my husband at the airport (he'd stayed in Chicago for meetings). At 8 PM I got a phone call
and by the time I got to the nursing home 20 minutes later he'd died. He had regained consciousness--briefly--
before he passed.

I've berated myself ever since for not going back there immediately after dinner. I do not
regret letting him make the decision not to eat, but I do regret not being there when he died.