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renate

(13,776 posts)

18. I'm sure you've heard this, but just in case...

Mon Dec 29, 2014, 06:17 PM

Dec 2014

Ask any hospice nurse--they'll tell you that very often their patients will deliberately choose to die when loved ones aren't around. (For example, somebody will be at the bedside for 24 hours, leave for two minutes to go to the bathroom, and when they come back the person has died.)

I believe it's very possible that your father chose to die while you were gone. to spare you the pain of seeing it. I think it's actually quite common among people who have sort of a caretaking personality. And if that were his reasoning, he wouldn't want you to feel regret about not being there. I'm not breezily saying you shouldn't feel regret, because that's only human, but it may very well have been his choice for things to happen the way they did.

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My 93 year uncle died a painful death two plus years ago [View all] malaise Dec 2014 OP

Ugh. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Dec 2014 #1

For real malaise Dec 2014 #4

I'm sorry that your uncle had pain. panader0 Dec 2014 #2

And he had an absolutely fabulous life malaise Dec 2014 #3

Why wasn't he in hospice care 840high Dec 2014 #5

A LOT of people misjudge exactly when to start hospice. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Dec 2014 #6

Also people don't realize that hospice care can be for a long time csziggy Dec 2014 #16

He wanted to die at home n/t malaise Dec 2014 #8

Thank you for 840high Dec 2014 #23

my father died a while ago, he was just entering the paralyzed state hollysmom Dec 2014 #7

Good children let their parents malaise Dec 2014 #9

good of you to say, still have guilt hollysmom Dec 2014 #10

Our mom had a living will malaise Dec 2014 #11

My mom had one too but hollysmom Dec 2014 #15

My 91 yo father was confined to a wheel chair, mnhtnbb Dec 2014 #12

My dad had dementia too. panader0 Dec 2014 #14

Why do you feel guilt? malaise Dec 2014 #20

If I had left immediately, I might have seen him still alive. panader0 Dec 2014 #21

Think about what you did for them that was right and get over the guilt malaise Dec 2014 #22

Let the guilt go . .. hugs 840high Dec 2014 #25

I'm sure you've heard this, but just in case... renate Dec 2014 #18

I've long believed it wasn't a coincidence when he chose to stop eating. mnhtnbb Dec 2014 #19

Yes. We knew Dad's time 840high Dec 2014 #24

They need us PasadenaTrudy Dec 2014 #13

yes hollysmom Dec 2014 #17