General Discussion

Veilex

(1,555 posts)

160. Hearing and experiencing rape are certainly a far cry apart...

Mon Jan 12, 2015, 11:44 AM

Jan 2015

I'd agree that our culture tends to inure men against considering the situation women deal with after this style of assault.
Those who have experienced it, or who have loved ones or friends who have gone through it, tend to have a dramatically different view on it.

Its hard to be able to understand a particular type of affliction unless you've been there, or know someone who's shared some of that understanding with you. Point of example: I expect few here know what its like to lose a brother in arms while on deployment. Rape is similar in that you cannot possibly know what its like to deal with unless it impacts your life directly, or the person who was impacted by it shares their experiences with you.

Rape steals away your choice... and not just in the one instance. It affects the rest your life. You end up having to fight against your own inner turmoil every single time you deal with someone of the gender who assaulted you... and sometimes, the other gender as well. Everyone becomes a potential rapist, in your mind. It makes it very very hard to get close to people. It also does more insidious things, like inserting doubt into your every action. You question your value as a person and you begin finding fault in everything you do. Suicide is fairly common among rape victims. at least, that's one perspective.

http://www.suicide.org/rape-victims-prone-to-suicide.html

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Do men understand rape? [View all] ZX86 Jan 2015 OP

I never reported my rape. i was afraid that no one would believe me. hrmjustin Jan 2015 #1

I'm very sorry about that. ZX86 Jan 2015 #3

I don't understand why people hurt people either. hrmjustin Jan 2015 #4

I know it sounds silly but ZX86 Jan 2015 #7

too many people who never face the thing they decry can roguevalley Jan 2015 #87

What a blessing for you that your old grandpa was available and truedelphi Jan 2015 #105

Can't think of anything to comfort you LawDeeDah Jan 2015 #24

I'm so sorry it happened. tblue Jan 2015 #64

Men Don't Think About Getting Raped wellst0nev0ter Jan 2015 #2

Really? I thought about it for YEARS after it happened to me. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #72

Then Why The Dismissive Attitude Toward Rape? wellst0nev0ter Jan 2015 #114

I do not have a dismissive attitude toward rape. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #135

The Dismissive Attitude Of A Lot Of Men wellst0nev0ter Jan 2015 #145

OOOOH! I understand now. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #148

As you were told previously, an erect phallus means consent to vaginal intercourse. closeupready Jan 2015 #139

I remember the thread and the poster! Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #150

some do. some don't. KentuckyWoman Jan 2015 #5

That's my answer too nt MrScorpio Jan 2015 #16

Men do. Ink Man Jan 2015 #6

Does anybody? Xipe Totec Jan 2015 #8

as a man, here is my take on this.... politicman Jan 2015 #9

Ohhh, trust me. It is easy to stay silent. SheilaT Jan 2015 #12

no one can help if women wont help themselves by reporting it.... politicman Jan 2015 #15

I'm guessing you've never been raped, so you have no idea SheilaT Jan 2015 #18

what do you propose then, to believe every allegation and not give a chance for a defence? politicman Jan 2015 #30

Of course the man accused of rape should be able to defend himself. SheilaT Jan 2015 #106

Thank you for acknowledging the ambiguities joeglow3 Jan 2015 #166

wtf are you going on about? elehhhhna Jan 2015 #146

Hey, That Was My Question! ProfessorGAC Jan 2015 #159

Do you hold prison rape victims to the same standard? ZX86 Jan 2015 #19

heres my response. politicman Jan 2015 #27

Something happens to the brain when a person is raped. Most of us don't understand it because liberal_at_heart Jan 2015 #28

Trauma JonLP24 Jan 2015 #34

thank you for this. I may recommend this to my husband. He is currently seeing a liberal_at_heart Jan 2015 #35

Agreed. Even today on DU, I have been told it was not possible for me to be raped. joeglow3 Jan 2015 #173

true, we shouldnt judge any women, but we also shouldnt judge a man simply with an allegation politicman Jan 2015 #39

"So if women want more men to be punished for raping them, then women have to be the ones that liberal_at_heart Jan 2015 #41

so every time a woman says she was raped, we need to automatically believe her? politicman Jan 2015 #48

You are one macho man. Control-Z Jan 2015 #54

really? politicman Jan 2015 #63

Right there with you. chervilant Jan 2015 #66

You keep digging a deeper and deeper hole for yourself MineralMan Jan 2015 #125

No, it shouldn't be automatic belief whopis01 Jan 2015 #156

unfounded go into that up to 8%. it is not anywhere near 8%. it is 2-3% false claim. seabeyond Jan 2015 #157

Good information - I wasn't meaning to argue the accuracy of that statistic whopis01 Jan 2015 #165

ya. that is right. the info was in the other posters post. i was sure you point had seabeyond Jan 2015 #168

yeah with a 2% false report number one cannot be too careful. plus, elehhhhna Jan 2015 #170

Why do you exclude children? ZX86 Jan 2015 #29

children dont have mental capacity to know what is happening to them might be wrong. politicman Jan 2015 #40

"So if women want guys like me to understand" Ino Jan 2015 #65

all i want is to see the allegation be tested in court before i will label someone as a rapist politicman Jan 2015 #70

I don't want her to be automatically DISbelieved. Ino Jan 2015 #84

we have a justice system for a reason... politicman Jan 2015 #90

Thanks for mansplaining the justice system to me. Ino Jan 2015 #130

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #129

More bullshit alarimer Jan 2015 #141

+1000 smirkymonkey Jan 2015 #108

Yup. Ino Jan 2015 #132

Alert Results..... Logical Jan 2015 #21

LOL twice daredtowork Jan 2015 #58

I've noticed, that's why crap smirkymonkey Jan 2015 #109

Your lack of empathy for the victims is duly noted. nt geek tragedy Jan 2015 #23

how can i feel empathy for a victim if they wont alert us that that they were a victim? politicman Jan 2015 #32

It shouldn't be hard to feel empathy JonLP24 Jan 2015 #37

i feel empathy for every one, but i cant feel empathy for a specific rape victim if i dont know politicman Jan 2015 #43

This message was self-deleted by its author JonLP24 Jan 2015 #88

Not reporting rape Beringia Jan 2015 #44

if they dont report, how can anyone help them? politicman Jan 2015 #50

I think people know they have to at least try to bring charges Beringia Jan 2015 #51

thats all im saying. politicman Jan 2015 #57

And that's not enough. Jim Lane Jan 2015 #78

there are no other ways, either women report rape and take it to trial, or allegations are enough politicman Jan 2015 #83

Wrong. We have more than two policy options. Jim Lane Jan 2015 #94

If you were mugged on the street, CrispyQ Jan 2015 #122

+1 n/t A Little Weird Jan 2015 #144

I didn't report my rapist. LeftyMom Jan 2015 #60

you wont like this, but in the name of discussion it has to be written. politicman Jan 2015 #67

I actually don't give a damn what you think. Now fuck off. nt LeftyMom Jan 2015 #68

What a disgusting post. JTFrog Jan 2015 #121

Falsely accused of rape, were you? Otherwise, WTH is wrong with you? SammyWinstonJack Jan 2015 #136

As a man who was raped and is told constantly on DU I was the rapist joeglow3 Jan 2015 #174

I'm so tired of you. I should have done this way earlier but you are going on my ignore list. liberal_at_heart Jan 2015 #154

Normally I'd alert on a post like this Aerows Jan 2015 #127

well said. there is a huge difference between deeming accusations credible and the mess of a bettyellen Jan 2015 #137

"...if you were really raped..." chervilant Jan 2015 #62

no one is patronizing, i am just asking for evidence before beliving any allegation politicman Jan 2015 #69

If somebody posts "my car was stolen last week" do you ask for a scan of a police report? LeftyMom Jan 2015 #73

+1000. Well stated! nt adirondacker Jan 2015 #76

your scenario works against your argument. politicman Jan 2015 #77

Jesus Christ, you're thick. LeftyMom Jan 2015 #79

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #86

You're still confusing a criminal case with the facts of the situation. LeftyMom Jan 2015 #91

This message was self-deleted by its author A-Schwarzenegger Jan 2015 #93

+1 LiberalLoner Jan 2015 #99

My standards are the satndards our justice systems expects.. politicman Jan 2015 #95

So you're saying that for thirty years after that girl was raped and murdered LeftyMom Jan 2015 #96

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #102

That's bullshit. Adrahil Jan 2015 #116

he DARE tell you. and it is allowed. i am sorry. nt seabeyond Jan 2015 #119

That's not the way reality works gollygee Jan 2015 #143

Blech... chervilant Jan 2015 #74

I can't even believe you are still here. smirkymonkey Jan 2015 #110

WRONG WRONG WRONG! Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #75

there is no victim until a court finds there is a victim, until then its allegations only. politicman Jan 2015 #81

What you don't understand is just because it hasn't been proved, doesn't mean it didn't happen! Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #85

so now we are supposed to place blame on someone for something we have no way of knowing if happened politicman Jan 2015 #92

Are you fucking kidding me?! Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #97

Actually I need to ask if it is you that is fucking kidding me? politicman Jan 2015 #98

Pathetic. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #101

Yes, but H2O Man Jan 2015 #142

LOL ... oh dear lord. thank you for this. I needed the break from that horrid tripe above. Tuesday Afternoon Jan 2015 #152

Oh boy, you have really bizarre logic there. Neoma Jan 2015 #172

There is a world of difference between reality and legality. Adrahil Jan 2015 #118

Wow. I'm not often at a loss for words. NuclearDem Jan 2015 #133

At the risk of victim blaming in the other direction ZX86 Jan 2015 #13

Good work. You managed to use just about every MRA And misogynist talking point. geek tragedy Jan 2015 #25

try this question... politicman Jan 2015 #33

Because real life is different than what you imagine in your comfy chair. jeff47 Jan 2015 #46

fine, but its not me that is not reporting the raoes, its women themselves politicman Jan 2015 #56

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #49

ouch. politicman Jan 2015 #53

Your ignorance of this subject is quite frightening and all too common Quixote1818 Jan 2015 #100

..... politicman Jan 2015 #103

The only person or persons that usually know about the rape are the woman's closest confidants Quixote1818 Jan 2015 #113

for a couple decades, i never told those that i love, that love me about my rape. all men. seabeyond Jan 2015 #115

here is a hide, i felt interesting. and i disagree with the hide. yes, longtime feminists on du seabeyond Jan 2015 #117

You should stop. You really should stop. MineralMan Jan 2015 #126

You put your finger right on the reasons for my unease, geek Hekate Jan 2015 #42

+1000 smirkymonkey Jan 2015 #111

tell you what, mr. man.... Raster Jan 2015 #38

So we should believe every owmen automatically and throw the accused in jail straight away? politicman Jan 2015 #45

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #47

why do you need to put words in my mouth? politicman Jan 2015 #52

Why on earth does any woman need to convince smirkymonkey Jan 2015 #112

I was raped by a woman in college and been told on DU I am a rape apologist, a woman hater, joeglow3 Jan 2015 #175

Alert Results... daredtowork Jan 2015 #55

Lurk more. AtheistCrusader Jan 2015 #61

That is complete and utter bullshit alarimer Jan 2015 #140

So putting together your arguments, seems to come to this whopis01 Jan 2015 #167

Yes, of course they do...IMHO Laura PourMeADrink Jan 2015 #10

Sometimes the victim reports it to the DA. Manifestor_of_Light Jan 2015 #11

By not coming forward, it further reinforces it being hard for the next victim mythology Jan 2015 #14

Great post! Rec'd (nt) LostOne4Ever Jan 2015 #17

Very few people take psychology classes in school so the majority of the country does not liberal_at_heart Jan 2015 #20

In this discussion of rape, I have read that even when a person goes to the police Beringia Jan 2015 #22

+1000000 liberal_at_heart Jan 2015 #26

Thanks for this post...I believe this is one of the .... prairierose Jan 2015 #36

I don't come across people like that JonLP24 Jan 2015 #31

A woman can walk naked, drunk out of her mind, down the darkest alley at 2am, I don't care. AtheistCrusader Jan 2015 #59

I know what rape is. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #71

That seems ugly and hateful. flvegan Jan 2015 #80

How am I supposed to answer your question? Kevin from WI Jan 2015 #82

I get what you are saying about attitudes about rape, but Jamastiene Jan 2015 #89

You have no concept of victims. You think you arthritisR_US Jan 2015 #104

Op's like this fascinate me... trumad Jan 2015 #107

Better thread title would be Pooka Fey Jan 2015 #120

It's a no-win argument. Igel Jan 2015 #123

This OP is ridiculous. Threedifferentones Jan 2015 #124

This message was self-deleted by its author Kablooie Jan 2015 #128

So a male rape victim assaulted by a man (we don't care about agressor's sexual orientation) Pooka Fey Jan 2015 #131

"We just can't connect emotionally" - You got a PHD in pschology out of a crackerjack box right? Veilex Jan 2015 #149

This message was self-deleted by its author Kablooie Jan 2015 #153

Must have been QUITE a few. n/t lumberjack_jeff Jan 2015 #158

Hearing and experiencing rape are certainly a far cry apart... Veilex Jan 2015 #160

This message was self-deleted by its author Kablooie Jan 2015 #163

Quite possibly one of the most disgusting posts I've seen here over the years. Blue_Adept Jan 2015 #169

It is people who have never been raped who may never fully understand it... LeftishBrit Jan 2015 #134

Maybe "rape" is too loaded down as a word. Maybe in some contexts we should say CTyankee Jan 2015 #138

I posted this elsewhere a while back Orrex Jan 2015 #147

thanks for sharing Beringia Jan 2015 #151

As a male victim of sexual assualt..... De Leonist Jan 2015 #155

{ { { Biggest Hugs } } } Pooka Fey Jan 2015 #161

"This culture or false maschimo needs to fucking stop already" +100000000 Veilex Jan 2015 #171

Thank you for sharing. Sexual assault is NOT sexual. It is about power, about control. Raster Jan 2015 #176

Some want to learn. Some haven't learned yet. Some are willfully ignorant. chrisa Jan 2015 #162

lol n/t librechik Jan 2015 #164