The Onion: "Mitt Romney Terrified What Will Happen If He Ever Stops Running For President" [View all]

[Miles Archer]

There is also a video at the URL below.

Mitt Romney Terrified What Will Happen If He Ever Stops Running For President

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mitt-romney-terrified-what-will-happen-if-he-ever,30111/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:NA:InFocus



DAYTON, OH—Claiming that running for president of the United States is all he knows, Republican nominee Mitt Romney has confided to aides that he is terrified of what will happen to him if he ever stops campaigning for the highest office in the land, sources confirmed Friday.

“Seeking the presidency is something I’ve basically been doing my whole life, and it’s the only thing I’ve been doing for the past eight years,” Romney reportedly told his closest advisers. “In less than two weeks, that’ll all be over. Win or lose, I have to stop running. No more crisscrossing the country from fundraiser to fundraiser, no more early morning strategy meetings to decide what voters need to hear from me today.”

“What happens when it’s Nov. 7, I wake up, and I’m not running for president—what then?” Romney added. “Will I still pivot to my talking points when I get off-message? Oh, God, will I even have talking points? What will I talk about? Somebody, please tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

Several staffers acknowledged that in the past month they have received panicked phone calls from Romney in the middle of the night, with the distressed GOP candidate worrying aloud about what will happen to him when there are no more campaign stops to hit, and speculating wistfully about what waits for him at “the end of the trail.”