The Onion: "Mitt Romney Terrified What Will Happen If He Ever Stops Running For President"

[IDemo]

7. Poll: Most Americans Now Consider Romney a Stalker (Borowitz)

In a possible setback for Mitt Romney’s latest Presidential ambitions, a new poll reveals that a majority of Americans now regard the former Massachusetts governor as a stalker.

The poll results suggest that Romney’s presence in every Presidential campaign in recent memory has taken its toll on the American people, who have expressed disbelief that he would return after being repeatedly told in no uncertain terms that he was not wanted.

Additionally, many of those surveyed said that they previously felt harassed by the Massachusetts governor’s relentless e-mails and phone calls, and favored some form of intervention to keep Romney from contacting them in the future.

In an indication of how much Romney’s serial candidacies have traumatized the American people, more than fifty per cent said that they would support a restraining order to keep the former nominee five hundred feet from the United States until the 2016 election had safely passed.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/poll-americans-now-consider-romney-stalker