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sibelian

(7,804 posts)

18. OK, I apologise to you, BTA.

Sat Jan 31, 2015, 04:19 AM

Jan 2015

I'm sorry. I did not mean to for my statement to bring things up like that, and I see what you mean.

It was really just a sincere question and I am TOTALLY not trying to imply that my experience should be taken as some kind of precedent. I want to know what people actually think because I'm looking at all this stuff about rape on DU and it means things for me and my life. I don't really want to think I'm a rape victim and I don't feel like one at all but - I hope you understand me - I know I can't possibly expect other people to reasses their own experiences in the light of mine, that's not how I see anything to do with sex and relationships anyway.

I hope you managed to find a way around your own experience and all is well.

I am truly just trying to fit myself in with what appears to be the prevailing understanding. I just... kind of DON'T. Maybe I should be worried that I'm making a stupid mistake.

It's just that this is the same guy that picked me up off the floor last year when I had toresign from my job because my boss was so awful that I was acually getting weird heat pains in my chest at the thought of even speaking to her. He fixed the whole thing up and when I broke down in front of him while explaining how work made me feel saying "I feel like I'm lying! Why do I feel like I'm lying? I'm telling the truth" he just held me and told that I was ill and not to worry and he would take care of me and to just rest. This is the guy who's supposedly a rapist.

I hope you see what I mean. I can't fit myself into all this stuff about rape. And if what people on this site are saying is true, then I SHOULD, shouldn't I?

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Right. I'm doing this. I've been drunk enough to have woken up in bed with another guy [View all] sibelian Jan 2015 OP

sounds like it Kalidurga Jan 2015 #1

How come I don't feel like a rape victim? sibelian Jan 2015 #2

I think it might take a while or... Kalidurga Jan 2015 #3

It was 7 years ago, or thereabouts and I'm still in a relationship with him. sibelian Jan 2015 #4

I understand your 'dismay' at some of the things said here recently. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #6

BTA why do you think I'm mocking anybody? sibelian Jan 2015 #11

The implication is anyone who has been raped "collapses under the strain" and if they don't... Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #14

OK, I apologise to you, BTA. sibelian Jan 2015 #18

How you feel has nothing to do with what it is or was Kalidurga Jan 2015 #7

Here's the deal as I see it, having worked with a fair number of both perps and victims: Jackpine Radical Jan 2015 #60

I think that's a complex, and great post. nt msanthrope Feb 2015 #76

Thank you. Jackpine Radical Feb 2015 #80

Because there is no one way rape victimes feel. Brickbat Jan 2015 #42

Thank you. sibelian Jan 2015 #52

It boils down to consent. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #5

Most guys are only a six-pack away from 4now Jan 2015 #8

If he had sex with you, yes. If he's just teasing you, no. pnwmom Jan 2015 #9

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #10

Not a great start, but certainly a disappointing one. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #16

Maybe he didn't realize how drunk you were that night LuvNewcastle Jan 2015 #12

You clearly don't think so. Spider Jerusalem Jan 2015 #13

Best response yet. Chemisse Jan 2015 #27

"One wonders how you'd feel if you woke up in a strange bed with a stranger and no idea" sibelian Jan 2015 #31

+1000 smirkymonkey Jan 2015 #41

yes, this sounds like an existing relationship-- marions ghost Feb 2015 #73

Did you contact the police? If not why not? ChosenUnWisely Jan 2015 #15

It was ages ago. sibelian Jan 2015 #32

So anyone who does not call the police right away is not a true rape victim? Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #36

I think it's ridiculous attitude. sibelian Feb 2015 #66

this is the weirdest thread. I've seen here olddots Jan 2015 #17

I don't know what to say to you sibelian Jan 2015 #33

I get your post malaise Jan 2015 #19

It's called coyote ugly for a reason. alphafemale Jan 2015 #20

Agreed n/t malaise Jan 2015 #22

Yep. Let's also define this as rape: Ykcutnek Jan 2015 #54

...my OP was a question! Honestly! sibelian Jan 2015 #34

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #21

They say he knows just how to make LuvNewcastle Jan 2015 #23

Jury results. Inkfreak Jan 2015 #25

Thanks for posting that. LuvNewcastle Jan 2015 #28

I feel like if you think it wasn't, then it wasn't. Inkfreak Jan 2015 #24

And conversely, if you think it was, it was? Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #37

Absolutely not. Inkfreak Jan 2015 #43

If you have sex with somebody who is drunk enough that they aren't going to remember it mythology Jan 2015 #62

Good points marions ghost Feb 2015 #75

You are not saying that filing charges is vindictive, are you? Jamastiene Feb 2015 #67

I should have said "falsely file charges". Nye Bevan Feb 2015 #69

That is much better. Jamastiene Feb 2015 #70

Kudos to you for injecting some nuance into the subject. randome Jan 2015 #26

You were the one involved- so was it to you Lee-Lee Jan 2015 #29

OK, that is kind of what I thought. sibelian Jan 2015 #47

imo, yes. Lars39 Jan 2015 #30

Well I feel bad now because I'm not 100% sure in my mind that was the word he actually used sibelian Jan 2015 #48

The fact that he remembers and you don't is the red flag for me. Lars39 Jan 2015 #49

Hm. sibelian Jan 2015 #53

As with many things, anecdotal evidence proves nothing. MineralMan Jan 2015 #35

The OP was not presenting "evidence", but asking the community a question. Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #40

It was an anecdote. MineralMan Jan 2015 #44

Yes, it was an "anecdote", as many posts are. Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #46

I think the point of the OP is to point out that there is no "absolute" in this. madinmaryland Jan 2015 #64

Sounds like a very interesting night for all concerned.... Rowdyboy Jan 2015 #38

I think the point is that those who claim that "all drunk sex is rape" are going too far. Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #39

Well how did you feel about it? Rex Jan 2015 #45

TBH I just felt like he was ribbing me. sibelian Jan 2015 #51

I agree there is nothing automatic about it, but the next day might lead you to Rex Jan 2015 #57

Probably not. Ykcutnek Jan 2015 #50

Rape happens? ismnotwasm Jan 2015 #59

That is some ass backwards lunacy right there RedCappedBandit Feb 2015 #68

I woke up with a woman, and neither of us could remember if anything "happened". Tierra_y_Libertad Jan 2015 #55

You decide. You. ismnotwasm Jan 2015 #56

My usual response to folks who question rape and drunk sex is simple. stevenleser Feb 2015 #77

This message was self-deleted by its author Agnosticsherbet Jan 2015 #58

Favorite group: Men's group. valerief Jan 2015 #61

Three posts in 90 days? madinmaryland Jan 2015 #63

"nuff said"? sibelian Jan 2015 #65

This message was self-deleted by its author 1000words Feb 2015 #78

Just ignore them. sibelian Feb 2015 #81

A good rule of thumb is Jamastiene Feb 2015 #71

Your experience sounds utterly horrible and vile. sibelian Feb 2015 #74

This message was self-deleted by its author NCTraveler Feb 2015 #72

Yes. nt. LexVegas Feb 2015 #79