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Jamastiene

(38,206 posts)

67. You are not saying that filing charges is vindictive, are you?

Mon Feb 2, 2015, 10:37 AM

Feb 2015

If the OP didn't feel like they were raped and has to ask if what happened to them was rape or not, I'm thinking they must be ok with their partner doing whatever with them while they are out cold. If that is ok with them, then I guess that's just their thing. A person who has been raped doesn't have to ask if it was rape. They fucking know they were raped. I know that from personal experience. You KNOW when you were raped. You don't have to ask other people if it was rape.

If the OP did feel like it was rape, filing charges would put it into the court's hands to figure it all out. Whether or not the other person goes to prison for rape (most rapists don't) isn't for someone on DU to decide. That is what we have the justice system for, even though it fails to do much to actually punish many rapists.

Filing charges wouldn't be vindictive, in that case. The way you worded that is really fucked up.

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Right. I'm doing this. I've been drunk enough to have woken up in bed with another guy [View all] sibelian Jan 2015 OP

sounds like it Kalidurga Jan 2015 #1

How come I don't feel like a rape victim? sibelian Jan 2015 #2

I think it might take a while or... Kalidurga Jan 2015 #3

It was 7 years ago, or thereabouts and I'm still in a relationship with him. sibelian Jan 2015 #4

I understand your 'dismay' at some of the things said here recently. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #6

BTA why do you think I'm mocking anybody? sibelian Jan 2015 #11

The implication is anyone who has been raped "collapses under the strain" and if they don't... Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #14

OK, I apologise to you, BTA. sibelian Jan 2015 #18

How you feel has nothing to do with what it is or was Kalidurga Jan 2015 #7

Here's the deal as I see it, having worked with a fair number of both perps and victims: Jackpine Radical Jan 2015 #60

I think that's a complex, and great post. nt msanthrope Feb 2015 #76

Thank you. Jackpine Radical Feb 2015 #80

Because there is no one way rape victimes feel. Brickbat Jan 2015 #42

Thank you. sibelian Jan 2015 #52

It boils down to consent. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #5

Most guys are only a six-pack away from 4now Jan 2015 #8

If he had sex with you, yes. If he's just teasing you, no. pnwmom Jan 2015 #9

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #10

Not a great start, but certainly a disappointing one. Behind the Aegis Jan 2015 #16

Maybe he didn't realize how drunk you were that night LuvNewcastle Jan 2015 #12

You clearly don't think so. Spider Jerusalem Jan 2015 #13

Best response yet. Chemisse Jan 2015 #27

"One wonders how you'd feel if you woke up in a strange bed with a stranger and no idea" sibelian Jan 2015 #31

+1000 smirkymonkey Jan 2015 #41

yes, this sounds like an existing relationship-- marions ghost Feb 2015 #73

Did you contact the police? If not why not? ChosenUnWisely Jan 2015 #15

It was ages ago. sibelian Jan 2015 #32

So anyone who does not call the police right away is not a true rape victim? Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #36

I think it's ridiculous attitude. sibelian Feb 2015 #66

this is the weirdest thread. I've seen here olddots Jan 2015 #17

I don't know what to say to you sibelian Jan 2015 #33

I get your post malaise Jan 2015 #19

It's called coyote ugly for a reason. alphafemale Jan 2015 #20

Agreed n/t malaise Jan 2015 #22

Yep. Let's also define this as rape: Ykcutnek Jan 2015 #54

...my OP was a question! Honestly! sibelian Jan 2015 #34

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #21

They say he knows just how to make LuvNewcastle Jan 2015 #23

Jury results. Inkfreak Jan 2015 #25

Thanks for posting that. LuvNewcastle Jan 2015 #28

I feel like if you think it wasn't, then it wasn't. Inkfreak Jan 2015 #24

And conversely, if you think it was, it was? Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #37

Absolutely not. Inkfreak Jan 2015 #43

If you have sex with somebody who is drunk enough that they aren't going to remember it mythology Jan 2015 #62

Good points marions ghost Feb 2015 #75

You are not saying that filing charges is vindictive, are you? Jamastiene Feb 2015 #67

I should have said "falsely file charges". Nye Bevan Feb 2015 #69

That is much better. Jamastiene Feb 2015 #70

Kudos to you for injecting some nuance into the subject. randome Jan 2015 #26

You were the one involved- so was it to you Lee-Lee Jan 2015 #29

OK, that is kind of what I thought. sibelian Jan 2015 #47

imo, yes. Lars39 Jan 2015 #30

Well I feel bad now because I'm not 100% sure in my mind that was the word he actually used sibelian Jan 2015 #48

The fact that he remembers and you don't is the red flag for me. Lars39 Jan 2015 #49

Hm. sibelian Jan 2015 #53

As with many things, anecdotal evidence proves nothing. MineralMan Jan 2015 #35

The OP was not presenting "evidence", but asking the community a question. Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #40

It was an anecdote. MineralMan Jan 2015 #44

Yes, it was an "anecdote", as many posts are. Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #46

I think the point of the OP is to point out that there is no "absolute" in this. madinmaryland Jan 2015 #64

Sounds like a very interesting night for all concerned.... Rowdyboy Jan 2015 #38

I think the point is that those who claim that "all drunk sex is rape" are going too far. Nye Bevan Jan 2015 #39

Well how did you feel about it? Rex Jan 2015 #45

TBH I just felt like he was ribbing me. sibelian Jan 2015 #51

I agree there is nothing automatic about it, but the next day might lead you to Rex Jan 2015 #57

Probably not. Ykcutnek Jan 2015 #50

Rape happens? ismnotwasm Jan 2015 #59

That is some ass backwards lunacy right there RedCappedBandit Feb 2015 #68

I woke up with a woman, and neither of us could remember if anything "happened". Tierra_y_Libertad Jan 2015 #55

You decide. You. ismnotwasm Jan 2015 #56

My usual response to folks who question rape and drunk sex is simple. stevenleser Feb 2015 #77

This message was self-deleted by its author Agnosticsherbet Jan 2015 #58

Favorite group: Men's group. valerief Jan 2015 #61

Three posts in 90 days? madinmaryland Jan 2015 #63

"nuff said"? sibelian Jan 2015 #65

This message was self-deleted by its author 1000words Feb 2015 #78

Just ignore them. sibelian Feb 2015 #81

A good rule of thumb is Jamastiene Feb 2015 #71

Your experience sounds utterly horrible and vile. sibelian Feb 2015 #74

This message was self-deleted by its author NCTraveler Feb 2015 #72

Yes. nt. LexVegas Feb 2015 #79