General Discussion

Prism

(5,815 posts)

92. Naturally, that is the case

Mon Feb 2, 2015, 08:33 PM

Feb 2015

If I don't agree with what she did, the only possible explanation is that I was an adolescent tyrant.

Actually, I was a shy gay kid with baby fat who was overly sensitive and easily given to deep depression. I developed an eating disorder, sometimes going an entire day on a bag of popcorn and a diet coke. I grew out of it. Joined track, lifted weights, became healthy. I eventually came out, dated, made better friends and better choices. In other words, I grew up.

As I said, I empathize with her feelings. I just don't agree with her actions. They are not a sign of emotional health. They seem a sign of bitterness and festering emotional wounds. Which is totally understandable! But people slapping her on the back for this expression of them is bit off to me.

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A Woman Stood Up The Man Who Bullied Her At School With This Incredible Note [View all] Xipe Totec Feb 2015 OP

Deleted. You're right. nt benz380 Feb 2015 #1

What a classless comment about a wonderful young, empowered WOMAN NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #2

Way to miss the effing point. madamesilverspurs Feb 2015 #3

Look at the posts down below, are we at Democratic Underground or Discussionist? NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #10

Heartless Douche Underground tenderfoot Feb 2015 #12

I wonder sometimes, I dont know a single liberal in my other message board world NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #13

Most of the true progressives and liberals here have moved on... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #15

I now some of my AfAm friends rarely venture out of their forum, not worth it anymore NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #18

Since the Party has moved to the right, so have its adherents. And those on the right aren't ND-Dem Feb 2015 #159

WTF? Jackpine Radical Feb 2015 #6

Really disgusting thing to say, isnt it. NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #8

Well I find your comments disgusting, pennylane100 Feb 2015 #11

This message was self-deleted by its author tenderfoot Feb 2015 #17

Good for her! madamesilverspurs Feb 2015 #4

Eight years later? Prism Feb 2015 #5

Justice porn? nt benz380 Feb 2015 #21

A topic on the internet Prism Feb 2015 #46

AKA Revenge Porn. Maedhros Feb 2015 #130

How can this qualify? She's keeping his identity a secret, and there's no porn involved. n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #179

"Porn?" What's pornographic about that? I thought "revenge porn" was when MADem Feb 2015 #229

She's still young enough that the wounds were fresh. I think people who were as mean pnwmom Feb 2015 #39

A lot happens from 14-22. Prism Feb 2015 #48

I have no problems with what she did to the guy NewJeffCT Feb 2015 #64

I have wondered about my nemesis . . . pnwmom Feb 2015 #65

If he's a college coach ... 1StrongBlackMan Feb 2015 #145

I googled him a few years ago. He was a swim coach in a top-ranked program. pnwmom Feb 2015 #160

I agree...too late, she needs to get some help,or she'll be bitter and angry forever adigal Feb 2015 #58

He taunted her for three years in front of friends. She embarrassed him one evening pnwmom Feb 2015 #75

No, I don't agree...she needs to talk to someone about this adigal Feb 2015 #79

She wasn't "mean back." She spoke loudly and clearly -- just not in person. pnwmom Feb 2015 #86

Oh for gods sake. The guy who'd taunted and mocked her for three years asked her out ND-Dem Feb 2015 #162

+1 BeanMusical Feb 2015 #187

I disagree...for God's sake. What bothers me about DU is that any opinion different than others' adigal Feb 2015 #203

I mocked and bullied you -- where, exactly, in this post? ND-Dem Feb 2015 #204

I think that your post is a perfect example pennylane100 Feb 2015 #225

Where exactly, was the "mean" part of her note? LanternWaste Feb 2015 #191

I hope they both take away good lessons from this Prism Feb 2015 #94

sounds like CNN JI7 Feb 2015 #110

It Depends wellst0nev0ter Feb 2015 #251

I understand to a point. I do not believe in revenge but I don't really call this revenge. rhett o rick Feb 2015 #73

Closure is good Prism Feb 2015 #97

I agree, the Facebook exposure was like revenge. nm rhett o rick Feb 2015 #140

Except she didn't expose him in Facebook. Or anywhere else. He got off easy. pnwmom Feb 2015 #180

He recognized himself on Facebook, I would expect others to also. rhett o rick Feb 2015 #195

Of course he recognized himself -- he had gotten the note from her so he knew what happened. pnwmom Feb 2015 #215

I am neither condemning her nor excusing him. nm rhett o rick Feb 2015 #232

One can only hope that chervilant Feb 2015 #81

Naturally, that is the case Prism Feb 2015 #92

I don't think my post implied that YOU were an adolescent tyrant. chervilant Feb 2015 #106

Adolescence is often traumatizing Prism Feb 2015 #109

you seem deeply offended at her calling out the bully JI7 Feb 2015 #113

It affects me not at all n/t Prism Feb 2015 #123

There was nothing unhealthy about her sending him the message pnwmom Feb 2015 #165

+1 ... 1StrongBlackMan Feb 2015 #141

exactly what many of the responses remind me of JI7 Feb 2015 #151

I think that most 12 year olds ARE bullies hfojvt Feb 2015 #156

Many might do random mean things occasionally. But few pick a target and taunt that target pnwmom Feb 2015 #170

I can remember a number of people who were targetted for years hfojvt Feb 2015 #201

I'm curious as to what you did, if anything. pnwmom Feb 2015 #214

Right. Most 12 year olds aren't bullies, and even fewer target victims over a period of years. n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #169

+1 pnwmom Feb 2015 #167

Best post here. Thanks, chervilant. pnwmom Feb 2015 #164

What did she do that was so awful? She delivered a message to him that would make pnwmom Feb 2015 #163

Disagree. Anecdote: I was the typical mean girl in 8th grade... salin Feb 2015 #139

This sounds really passive aggressive. Why agree to the date in the first place? chrisa Feb 2015 #7

Yeah, I really feel sorry for the guy. Lex Feb 2015 #26

Why ask her out? That's adding insult to injury. He deserved to be slapped down. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #29

Well, he was 12 at the time. LisaL Feb 2015 #37

I think if a 12 year old is a bully, he's more likely than other guys to still be a bully at 20. pnwmom Feb 2015 #49

That could very well be the price. Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #90

12 is old enough to know what he was doing at the time was wrong JI7 Feb 2015 #117

Yeah, twelve year olds also "know better" than to steal TexasMommaWithAHat Feb 2015 #200

Or, we can do what she did, and tell him where he went wrong and how hurtful it was. bravenak Feb 2015 #205

Im sorry you had to go through that. :( TexasMommaWithAHat Feb 2015 #207

You're right. bravenak Feb 2015 #209

Indeed, we are bullied and then lash out at weaker people who will take it GeoWilliam750 Feb 2015 #213

he bullied her for three years. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #166

Since it sounds like she ended up with an eating disorder out of their bullying, and mistreatment AtheistCrusader Feb 2015 #41

I got the impression that the guy didn't know it was the same girl NewJeffCT Feb 2015 #44

That is what I took away, too--but there's so much we don't know about this situation. MADem Feb 2015 #230

This isn't passive aggressive. It's assertive and appropriate. n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #51

Leaving a note is textbook passive aggressive. She never really stood up to the guy. chrisa Feb 2015 #60

Did you read the article? It explains why she did it this way. And what she put him through, pnwmom Feb 2015 #62

I did, and I understand what she was trying to do, but I think it should have been face to face. chrisa Feb 2015 #66

Why? She didn't know how he'd react. It was safer to keep this bully at a distance. pnwmom Feb 2015 #69

I'd like to also ask, "why?" If not for an apology, isn't this a pointless act? chrisa Feb 2015 #80

No, it wasn't pointless. She wanted to let him know how much he had hurt her. pnwmom Feb 2015 #84

She has PTSD from all the bullying trauma. Kudos to her just for writing the letter! She did tell Dont call me Shirley Feb 2015 #88

That's a long time to hold a grudge. LisaL Feb 2015 #9

I think it was more like an open wound than a grudge. pennylane100 Feb 2015 #14

Is she letting it go? demwing Feb 2015 #185

We can only assume at this point. pennylane100 Feb 2015 #223

No need to judge her at all demwing Feb 2015 #228

A grudge? madamesilverspurs Feb 2015 #16

Anyone who could read that and describe it as a "grudge" , well, never mind NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #19

Of course it's a grudge phil89 Feb 2015 #43

Are you saying there is no such thing as bullying, that it is her own fault for feeling bullied? uppityperson Feb 2015 #52

No. phil89 Feb 2015 #104

last yr I found 2 old friends on fb. 1 was a great person, still is, an old crush. Other was uppityperson Feb 2015 #112

If she had been physically attacked, and still had a "grudge," would you blame her pnwmom Feb 2015 #173

Bullies think they can't be held responsible, and that's the problem. pnwmom Feb 2015 #55

People can be held responsible for things marions ghost Feb 2015 #146

So how often do you think about people that were not nice to your 12 year old self? LisaL Feb 2015 #23

Maybe she wasn't thinking about him at all until he asked her out. nt Lex Feb 2015 #28

And it's up to you to determine at what point the victim must 'let it go', huh? AtheistCrusader Feb 2015 #42

You can hold on for as long as you like. LisaL Feb 2015 #47

She wasn't thinking about him till he got her attention. pnwmom Feb 2015 #61

Never think of them. 840high Feb 2015 #53

and you cast dispersions on those who do Duppers Feb 2015 #144

I can't imagine carrying that burden 840high Feb 2015 #149

Depends on how deep a person's emotional scars are. Duppers Feb 2015 #143

Oh, I know. You'd think Jews would be over the holocaust by now.... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #22

Yea, cause clearly this is the exact same situation here. LisaL Feb 2015 #24

It's been over 60 years.... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #31

He taunted her for THREE YEARS, calling her "man beast" in front of their friends pnwmom Feb 2015 #74

I am 61. I still remember Curmudgeoness Feb 2015 #131

Tables are turned, she is the bully now. Oklahoma_Liberal Feb 2015 #20

Oh? Explain Mitt Romney, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney.... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #27

They represent 1% of the population in this country. nt madinmaryland Feb 2015 #33

So 99% of all bullies grow up to be great people. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #34

Did I stutter? Oklahoma_Liberal Feb 2015 #36

Your defense of bullying a girl for three years straight has been duly noted. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #91

Your preference to use straw men instead of substance has been duly noted. Oklahoma_Liberal Feb 2015 #118

Accusing her of being a bully isn't substance either... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #128

She put him down to lift herself up. Oklahoma_Liberal Feb 2015 #132

At least she didn't need an audience to mete out justice - unlike the bully. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #133

Looks like she got her audience on Facebook. n/t benz380 Feb 2015 #196

And she still doesn't reveal who the bully was. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #198

Your posts in this thread could be considered to be "bullying" in tone. Maedhros Feb 2015 #134

The posters seem to think that the subject is a bully tenderfoot Feb 2015 #136

I see concern, not condemnation. [n/t] Maedhros Feb 2015 #182

Yes. A lot of concern trolling for sure. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #188

Accusing others of trolling is not part of a reasoned debate. Maedhros Feb 2015 #211

i don't see that. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #168

calling someone on their hateful behavior, even yrs later, makes her the bully? uppityperson Feb 2015 #30

Yes, I think she was gleeful to do this adigal Feb 2015 #63

She kept his identity a secret. So what did she do that was bullying? n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #175

She had the audacity to fight back. Oh but alas, the bullying statute of limitations had expired... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #190

With that context, thank you bye the way for posting it GitRDun Feb 2015 #70

She's not a bully. He taunted her for three years, mocking her facial and leg hair pnwmom Feb 2015 #78

Agree marions ghost Feb 2015 #147

If she was the bully, she would have shown up, ordered the most expensive stuff on the menu, MADem Feb 2015 #231

WTH?! You have an interesting dick-tionary, if you think one note constitutes "bullying." WinkyDink Feb 2015 #248

good for her, and for him for apologizing. uppityperson Feb 2015 #25

Agree on both counts. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #32

+1 nt riderinthestorm Feb 2015 #153

So the kid who bullied her couldn't have been much more than 12 at the time Dreamer Tatum Feb 2015 #35

what was done was hateful, and had deep lasting effects on the young woman G_j Feb 2015 #38

Here's the thing...I was bullied horribly, even physically as a kid adigal Feb 2015 #67

So what if she had other things going on? All the more reason parents should teach their kids pnwmom Feb 2015 #82

That's why it old my kids that bein kind was the most important quality adigal Feb 2015 #124

And some just seem to be more resilient G_j Feb 2015 #83

You obviously have an issue with the bullied fighting back. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #96

You telling me what I have issues with is being a bully - congratulations! adigal Feb 2015 #126

What she did doesn't involve you, nor does it deserve your condemnation. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #127

This is a news story, and I can't comment on it on a discussion forum? You are being silly nt adigal Feb 2015 #202

If you find buzzfeed a news source, by all means, knock yourself out. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #206

no it's not. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #171

Bully tenderfoot Feb 2015 #40

Oh, brother. WinkyDink Feb 2015 #249

No. On DU, props for standing up for yourself and calling others on their past shitty actions. uppityperson Feb 2015 #54

I have PTSD thanks to bullying. Spider Jerusalem Feb 2015 #148

Revenge is a dish best served cold! Good For Her! ChosenUnWisely Feb 2015 #45

So the answer to having been bullied and embarrassed is embarrassment and bullying. alphafemale Feb 2015 #50

Go figure. 840high Feb 2015 #56

Passive Aggressive to the max power. alphafemale Feb 2015 #93

Yeah, it's so much better to be an outright nasty bully. pnwmom Feb 2015 #178

Do you know the guy's name, where he lives, what he looks like? Because I don't. Sheldon Cooper Feb 2015 #57

Still a very lame ass way to deal with it. alphafemale Feb 2015 #98

she told the truth G_j Feb 2015 #111

He was probably teased too alphafemale Feb 2015 #114

there are many degrees G_j Feb 2015 #120

I was teased and I never ever would have teased anyone else. Being teased is NO excuse. n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #176

She did nothing to deserve his bullying, which was in front of their classmates at a tender age. pnwmom Feb 2015 #59

Whatever. That was still way passive aggressive. alphafemale Feb 2015 #101

"Horseshit drama?" She safely sent him a strong message. Not everyone is an alpha female. pnwmom Feb 2015 #121

Definition of passive aggressive alphafemale Feb 2015 #142

He contacted her over the internet; she wasn't looking for contact with him. pnwmom Feb 2015 #158

she told him directly in a letter. there was nothing passive aggressive about it. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #174

I think she had had her fill of "she should haves". WinkyDink Feb 2015 #250

what she did was not bullying and she didn't post his personal info JI7 Feb 2015 #100

It is classic passive aggressive. alphafemale Feb 2015 #102

if you hate this than imagine being attacked over how one looks for over 3 years JI7 Feb 2015 #105

Some people have little empathy -- especially the bullies themselves. nt pnwmom Feb 2015 #161

and we should care about your personal preferences G_j Feb 2015 #116

You can dine on the internet? tenderfoot Feb 2015 #129

that's not bullying. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #172

seems petty to me Egnever Feb 2015 #68

He bullied her for three years, making fun of the hair on her face and legs pnwmom Feb 2015 #72

Kids are cruel Egnever Feb 2015 #138

most kids are not cruel as to bully someone for years over physical appearance JI7 Feb 2015 #152

He led other kids in taunting her for three years! This wasn't run of the mill mean-kid stuff. pnwmom Feb 2015 #181

This message was self-deleted by its author 1000words Feb 2015 #122

�It really made me angry that now I�m attractive, he instantly wants to jump into bed with me.� thesquanderer Feb 2015 #71

He matured. Not sure she has. 840high Feb 2015 #150

A girl that was bullied for three years has trouble maturing but the bully doesn't. Go figure. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #212

I was bullied all through Jr. High - did 840high Feb 2015 #217

Bully for you. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #218

Thank you - I think for me I did the right thing. Also 840high Feb 2015 #220

The girl is at Oxford now. I don't think she was 'destroyed' Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #221

I think it would have been more courageous of her to attend the date LiberalLovinLug Feb 2015 #76

She didn't want an apology and she didn't want contact. She just wanted to send him a message pnwmom Feb 2015 #87

A private apology for three years of public humiliation? I don't think so. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #135

CORRECT Skittles Feb 2015 #183

But then she wouldn't have been able to post the note she wrote on her Facebook. n/t benz380 Feb 2015 #197

Pretty clear from the responses in this thread who was bullied... Beaverhausen Feb 2015 #77

I was thinking the same thing... chervilant Feb 2015 #85

Personally, it was many years in therapy to 'get over' what I dealt with at that age Beaverhausen Feb 2015 #125

Isn't it? tenderfoot Feb 2015 #89

probably the type who think it's cute if their kid behaves like an ass towards others JI7 Feb 2015 #95

You know what else is alarming about the responses? Is how many excoriating the girl are women. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #103

at least one has posted stuff attacking poor people for buying certain things JI7 Feb 2015 #115

I think that both sexes should be held to the same standard. pennylane100 Feb 2015 #233

So what the woman did was exactly the same as what was done to her? tenderfoot Feb 2015 #238

Not even close. pennylane100 Feb 2015 #241

I misunderstood your post at first... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #242

Well I do agree that it is always puzzlling when and women fail to empathize pennylane100 Feb 2015 #244

Was about to post the same thing. jeff47 Feb 2015 #119

One of my sister's frineds did something like that... JHB Feb 2015 #99

Terrific move! nt valerief Feb 2015 #107

The guy apologized but only after yuiyoshida Feb 2015 #108

Five Gold Stars for Her!!! 2naSalit Feb 2015 #137

she sounds like a real joy Skittles Feb 2015 #154

This message was self-deleted by its author 1000words Feb 2015 #155

Indeed. (nt) Inkfreak Feb 2015 #186

Damn, obnoxious childish behavior from a 12-year-old is one thing. cemaphonic Feb 2015 #157

A 12-15 year old, since he did it for 3 years. And she didn't do anything obnoxious. pnwmom Feb 2015 #177

To all the people accusing her of being a bully or passive aggressive whopis01 Feb 2015 #184

Excellent post tenderfoot Feb 2015 #189

He got off easy. Iggo Feb 2015 #192

Good lord. LWolf Feb 2015 #193

I think his "crime" is not that he bullied her at 12 Shankapotomus Feb 2015 #194

Post removed Post removed Feb 2015 #199

She was beautiful then! And still is now, obviously! DesertDiamond Feb 2015 #208

Awesome! Catherine Vincent Feb 2015 #210

Mixed feelings. OldRedneck Feb 2015 #216

Read the article. Iggo Feb 2015 #224

yes, it's trite shanti Feb 2015 #219

Actually, this revenge was served hot and sexy. Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #222

This reminded me of something from my own life. MineralMan Feb 2015 #226

Awesome post! You hit it out of the park as usual. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #227

It's a strong memory for me. MineralMan Feb 2015 #234

This is nothing to cheer. In fact it is incredibly obnoxious Augustus Feb 2015 #235

Cry me a river. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #236

You think it acceptable for a 22 year old to act this way? Augustus Feb 2015 #237

How old are you to think your opinion is so damned important? Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #246

Yes. 840high Feb 2015 #240

So being a bit immature but telling it like it is, is worse than being cruel for years? bettyellen Feb 2015 #243

I said nothing of the sort Augustus Feb 2015 #247

This message was self-deleted by its author tenderfoot Feb 2015 #239

As someone said. Only at DU. Puglover Feb 2015 #245

Message auto-removed Name removed Feb 2015 #252

Looking At The Number of DUers wellst0nev0ter Feb 2015 #253