General Discussion

chervilant

(8,267 posts)

106. I don't think my post implied that YOU were an adolescent tyrant.

Mon Feb 2, 2015, 08:47 PM

Feb 2015

I was pointing out that the man she stood up was a relentlessly derisive bully to her, or--in your words--an adolescent tyrant.

We can all have differences of opinion about her response, but I find it difficult to understand those who are excusing this man's adolescent bullying--because he apologized?!?

I was sexually abused by an adult in-law when I was a child. No amount of apologizing by this vile child molester could EVER erase what he did to me. Have I forgiven him? Yes, because I don't want to carry around the resentment and anger I used to feel before I pursued personal recovery.

That said, my personal history with recovery is MY personal history. I came to understand that no other person could or should define or evaluate my recovery. This has been the cornerstone of my advocacy for survivors. I know that--since I'm not in this young woman's skin--I CANNOT condescend to evaluate her response, or call her "passive aggressive" or in any way suggest that she should have "done things differently." She did what was right for her, and the opinions of the keyboard jockeys herein are just that--their opinions. (And, some of those opinions are rather enlightening...)

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A Woman Stood Up The Man Who Bullied Her At School With This Incredible Note [View all] Xipe Totec Feb 2015 OP

Deleted. You're right. nt benz380 Feb 2015 #1

What a classless comment about a wonderful young, empowered WOMAN NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #2

Way to miss the effing point. madamesilverspurs Feb 2015 #3

Look at the posts down below, are we at Democratic Underground or Discussionist? NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #10

Heartless Douche Underground tenderfoot Feb 2015 #12

I wonder sometimes, I dont know a single liberal in my other message board world NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #13

Most of the true progressives and liberals here have moved on... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #15

I now some of my AfAm friends rarely venture out of their forum, not worth it anymore NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #18

Since the Party has moved to the right, so have its adherents. And those on the right aren't ND-Dem Feb 2015 #159

WTF? Jackpine Radical Feb 2015 #6

Really disgusting thing to say, isnt it. NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #8

Well I find your comments disgusting, pennylane100 Feb 2015 #11

This message was self-deleted by its author tenderfoot Feb 2015 #17

Good for her! madamesilverspurs Feb 2015 #4

Eight years later? Prism Feb 2015 #5

Justice porn? nt benz380 Feb 2015 #21

A topic on the internet Prism Feb 2015 #46

AKA Revenge Porn. Maedhros Feb 2015 #130

How can this qualify? She's keeping his identity a secret, and there's no porn involved. n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #179

"Porn?" What's pornographic about that? I thought "revenge porn" was when MADem Feb 2015 #229

She's still young enough that the wounds were fresh. I think people who were as mean pnwmom Feb 2015 #39

A lot happens from 14-22. Prism Feb 2015 #48

I have no problems with what she did to the guy NewJeffCT Feb 2015 #64

I have wondered about my nemesis . . . pnwmom Feb 2015 #65

If he's a college coach ... 1StrongBlackMan Feb 2015 #145

I googled him a few years ago. He was a swim coach in a top-ranked program. pnwmom Feb 2015 #160

I agree...too late, she needs to get some help,or she'll be bitter and angry forever adigal Feb 2015 #58

He taunted her for three years in front of friends. She embarrassed him one evening pnwmom Feb 2015 #75

No, I don't agree...she needs to talk to someone about this adigal Feb 2015 #79

She wasn't "mean back." She spoke loudly and clearly -- just not in person. pnwmom Feb 2015 #86

Oh for gods sake. The guy who'd taunted and mocked her for three years asked her out ND-Dem Feb 2015 #162

+1 BeanMusical Feb 2015 #187

I disagree...for God's sake. What bothers me about DU is that any opinion different than others' adigal Feb 2015 #203

I mocked and bullied you -- where, exactly, in this post? ND-Dem Feb 2015 #204

I think that your post is a perfect example pennylane100 Feb 2015 #225

Where exactly, was the "mean" part of her note? LanternWaste Feb 2015 #191

I hope they both take away good lessons from this Prism Feb 2015 #94

sounds like CNN JI7 Feb 2015 #110

It Depends wellst0nev0ter Feb 2015 #251

I understand to a point. I do not believe in revenge but I don't really call this revenge. rhett o rick Feb 2015 #73

Closure is good Prism Feb 2015 #97

I agree, the Facebook exposure was like revenge. nm rhett o rick Feb 2015 #140

Except she didn't expose him in Facebook. Or anywhere else. He got off easy. pnwmom Feb 2015 #180

He recognized himself on Facebook, I would expect others to also. rhett o rick Feb 2015 #195

Of course he recognized himself -- he had gotten the note from her so he knew what happened. pnwmom Feb 2015 #215

I am neither condemning her nor excusing him. nm rhett o rick Feb 2015 #232

One can only hope that chervilant Feb 2015 #81

Naturally, that is the case Prism Feb 2015 #92

I don't think my post implied that YOU were an adolescent tyrant. chervilant Feb 2015 #106

Adolescence is often traumatizing Prism Feb 2015 #109

you seem deeply offended at her calling out the bully JI7 Feb 2015 #113

It affects me not at all n/t Prism Feb 2015 #123

There was nothing unhealthy about her sending him the message pnwmom Feb 2015 #165

+1 ... 1StrongBlackMan Feb 2015 #141

exactly what many of the responses remind me of JI7 Feb 2015 #151

I think that most 12 year olds ARE bullies hfojvt Feb 2015 #156

Many might do random mean things occasionally. But few pick a target and taunt that target pnwmom Feb 2015 #170

I can remember a number of people who were targetted for years hfojvt Feb 2015 #201

I'm curious as to what you did, if anything. pnwmom Feb 2015 #214

Right. Most 12 year olds aren't bullies, and even fewer target victims over a period of years. n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #169

+1 pnwmom Feb 2015 #167

Best post here. Thanks, chervilant. pnwmom Feb 2015 #164

What did she do that was so awful? She delivered a message to him that would make pnwmom Feb 2015 #163

Disagree. Anecdote: I was the typical mean girl in 8th grade... salin Feb 2015 #139

This sounds really passive aggressive. Why agree to the date in the first place? chrisa Feb 2015 #7

Yeah, I really feel sorry for the guy. Lex Feb 2015 #26

Why ask her out? That's adding insult to injury. He deserved to be slapped down. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #29

Well, he was 12 at the time. LisaL Feb 2015 #37

I think if a 12 year old is a bully, he's more likely than other guys to still be a bully at 20. pnwmom Feb 2015 #49

That could very well be the price. Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #90

12 is old enough to know what he was doing at the time was wrong JI7 Feb 2015 #117

Yeah, twelve year olds also "know better" than to steal TexasMommaWithAHat Feb 2015 #200

Or, we can do what she did, and tell him where he went wrong and how hurtful it was. bravenak Feb 2015 #205

Im sorry you had to go through that. :( TexasMommaWithAHat Feb 2015 #207

You're right. bravenak Feb 2015 #209

Indeed, we are bullied and then lash out at weaker people who will take it GeoWilliam750 Feb 2015 #213

he bullied her for three years. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #166

Since it sounds like she ended up with an eating disorder out of their bullying, and mistreatment AtheistCrusader Feb 2015 #41

I got the impression that the guy didn't know it was the same girl NewJeffCT Feb 2015 #44

That is what I took away, too--but there's so much we don't know about this situation. MADem Feb 2015 #230

This isn't passive aggressive. It's assertive and appropriate. n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #51

Leaving a note is textbook passive aggressive. She never really stood up to the guy. chrisa Feb 2015 #60

Did you read the article? It explains why she did it this way. And what she put him through, pnwmom Feb 2015 #62

I did, and I understand what she was trying to do, but I think it should have been face to face. chrisa Feb 2015 #66

Why? She didn't know how he'd react. It was safer to keep this bully at a distance. pnwmom Feb 2015 #69

I'd like to also ask, "why?" If not for an apology, isn't this a pointless act? chrisa Feb 2015 #80

No, it wasn't pointless. She wanted to let him know how much he had hurt her. pnwmom Feb 2015 #84

She has PTSD from all the bullying trauma. Kudos to her just for writing the letter! She did tell Dont call me Shirley Feb 2015 #88

That's a long time to hold a grudge. LisaL Feb 2015 #9

I think it was more like an open wound than a grudge. pennylane100 Feb 2015 #14

Is she letting it go? demwing Feb 2015 #185

We can only assume at this point. pennylane100 Feb 2015 #223

No need to judge her at all demwing Feb 2015 #228

A grudge? madamesilverspurs Feb 2015 #16

Anyone who could read that and describe it as a "grudge" , well, never mind NoJusticeNoPeace Feb 2015 #19

Of course it's a grudge phil89 Feb 2015 #43

Are you saying there is no such thing as bullying, that it is her own fault for feeling bullied? uppityperson Feb 2015 #52

No. phil89 Feb 2015 #104

last yr I found 2 old friends on fb. 1 was a great person, still is, an old crush. Other was uppityperson Feb 2015 #112

If she had been physically attacked, and still had a "grudge," would you blame her pnwmom Feb 2015 #173

Bullies think they can't be held responsible, and that's the problem. pnwmom Feb 2015 #55

People can be held responsible for things marions ghost Feb 2015 #146

So how often do you think about people that were not nice to your 12 year old self? LisaL Feb 2015 #23

Maybe she wasn't thinking about him at all until he asked her out. nt Lex Feb 2015 #28

And it's up to you to determine at what point the victim must 'let it go', huh? AtheistCrusader Feb 2015 #42

You can hold on for as long as you like. LisaL Feb 2015 #47

She wasn't thinking about him till he got her attention. pnwmom Feb 2015 #61

Never think of them. 840high Feb 2015 #53

and you cast dispersions on those who do Duppers Feb 2015 #144

I can't imagine carrying that burden 840high Feb 2015 #149

Depends on how deep a person's emotional scars are. Duppers Feb 2015 #143

Oh, I know. You'd think Jews would be over the holocaust by now.... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #22

Yea, cause clearly this is the exact same situation here. LisaL Feb 2015 #24

It's been over 60 years.... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #31

He taunted her for THREE YEARS, calling her "man beast" in front of their friends pnwmom Feb 2015 #74

I am 61. I still remember Curmudgeoness Feb 2015 #131

Tables are turned, she is the bully now. Oklahoma_Liberal Feb 2015 #20

Oh? Explain Mitt Romney, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney.... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #27

They represent 1% of the population in this country. nt madinmaryland Feb 2015 #33

So 99% of all bullies grow up to be great people. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #34

Did I stutter? Oklahoma_Liberal Feb 2015 #36

Your defense of bullying a girl for three years straight has been duly noted. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #91

Your preference to use straw men instead of substance has been duly noted. Oklahoma_Liberal Feb 2015 #118

Accusing her of being a bully isn't substance either... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #128

She put him down to lift herself up. Oklahoma_Liberal Feb 2015 #132

At least she didn't need an audience to mete out justice - unlike the bully. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #133

Looks like she got her audience on Facebook. n/t benz380 Feb 2015 #196

And she still doesn't reveal who the bully was. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #198

Your posts in this thread could be considered to be "bullying" in tone. Maedhros Feb 2015 #134

The posters seem to think that the subject is a bully tenderfoot Feb 2015 #136

I see concern, not condemnation. [n/t] Maedhros Feb 2015 #182

Yes. A lot of concern trolling for sure. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #188

Accusing others of trolling is not part of a reasoned debate. Maedhros Feb 2015 #211

i don't see that. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #168

calling someone on their hateful behavior, even yrs later, makes her the bully? uppityperson Feb 2015 #30

Yes, I think she was gleeful to do this adigal Feb 2015 #63

She kept his identity a secret. So what did she do that was bullying? n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #175

She had the audacity to fight back. Oh but alas, the bullying statute of limitations had expired... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #190

With that context, thank you bye the way for posting it GitRDun Feb 2015 #70

She's not a bully. He taunted her for three years, mocking her facial and leg hair pnwmom Feb 2015 #78

Agree marions ghost Feb 2015 #147

If she was the bully, she would have shown up, ordered the most expensive stuff on the menu, MADem Feb 2015 #231

WTH?! You have an interesting dick-tionary, if you think one note constitutes "bullying." WinkyDink Feb 2015 #248

good for her, and for him for apologizing. uppityperson Feb 2015 #25

Agree on both counts. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #32

+1 nt riderinthestorm Feb 2015 #153

So the kid who bullied her couldn't have been much more than 12 at the time Dreamer Tatum Feb 2015 #35

what was done was hateful, and had deep lasting effects on the young woman G_j Feb 2015 #38

Here's the thing...I was bullied horribly, even physically as a kid adigal Feb 2015 #67

So what if she had other things going on? All the more reason parents should teach their kids pnwmom Feb 2015 #82

That's why it old my kids that bein kind was the most important quality adigal Feb 2015 #124

And some just seem to be more resilient G_j Feb 2015 #83

You obviously have an issue with the bullied fighting back. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #96

You telling me what I have issues with is being a bully - congratulations! adigal Feb 2015 #126

What she did doesn't involve you, nor does it deserve your condemnation. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #127

This is a news story, and I can't comment on it on a discussion forum? You are being silly nt adigal Feb 2015 #202

If you find buzzfeed a news source, by all means, knock yourself out. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #206

no it's not. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #171

Bully tenderfoot Feb 2015 #40

Oh, brother. WinkyDink Feb 2015 #249

No. On DU, props for standing up for yourself and calling others on their past shitty actions. uppityperson Feb 2015 #54

I have PTSD thanks to bullying. Spider Jerusalem Feb 2015 #148

Revenge is a dish best served cold! Good For Her! ChosenUnWisely Feb 2015 #45

So the answer to having been bullied and embarrassed is embarrassment and bullying. alphafemale Feb 2015 #50

Go figure. 840high Feb 2015 #56

Passive Aggressive to the max power. alphafemale Feb 2015 #93

Yeah, it's so much better to be an outright nasty bully. pnwmom Feb 2015 #178

Do you know the guy's name, where he lives, what he looks like? Because I don't. Sheldon Cooper Feb 2015 #57

Still a very lame ass way to deal with it. alphafemale Feb 2015 #98

she told the truth G_j Feb 2015 #111

He was probably teased too alphafemale Feb 2015 #114

there are many degrees G_j Feb 2015 #120

I was teased and I never ever would have teased anyone else. Being teased is NO excuse. n/t pnwmom Feb 2015 #176

She did nothing to deserve his bullying, which was in front of their classmates at a tender age. pnwmom Feb 2015 #59

Whatever. That was still way passive aggressive. alphafemale Feb 2015 #101

"Horseshit drama?" She safely sent him a strong message. Not everyone is an alpha female. pnwmom Feb 2015 #121

Definition of passive aggressive alphafemale Feb 2015 #142

He contacted her over the internet; she wasn't looking for contact with him. pnwmom Feb 2015 #158

she told him directly in a letter. there was nothing passive aggressive about it. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #174

I think she had had her fill of "she should haves". WinkyDink Feb 2015 #250

what she did was not bullying and she didn't post his personal info JI7 Feb 2015 #100

It is classic passive aggressive. alphafemale Feb 2015 #102

if you hate this than imagine being attacked over how one looks for over 3 years JI7 Feb 2015 #105

Some people have little empathy -- especially the bullies themselves. nt pnwmom Feb 2015 #161

and we should care about your personal preferences G_j Feb 2015 #116

You can dine on the internet? tenderfoot Feb 2015 #129

that's not bullying. ND-Dem Feb 2015 #172

seems petty to me Egnever Feb 2015 #68

He bullied her for three years, making fun of the hair on her face and legs pnwmom Feb 2015 #72

Kids are cruel Egnever Feb 2015 #138

most kids are not cruel as to bully someone for years over physical appearance JI7 Feb 2015 #152

He led other kids in taunting her for three years! This wasn't run of the mill mean-kid stuff. pnwmom Feb 2015 #181

This message was self-deleted by its author 1000words Feb 2015 #122

�It really made me angry that now I�m attractive, he instantly wants to jump into bed with me.� thesquanderer Feb 2015 #71

He matured. Not sure she has. 840high Feb 2015 #150

A girl that was bullied for three years has trouble maturing but the bully doesn't. Go figure. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #212

I was bullied all through Jr. High - did 840high Feb 2015 #217

Bully for you. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #218

Thank you - I think for me I did the right thing. Also 840high Feb 2015 #220

The girl is at Oxford now. I don't think she was 'destroyed' Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #221

I think it would have been more courageous of her to attend the date LiberalLovinLug Feb 2015 #76

She didn't want an apology and she didn't want contact. She just wanted to send him a message pnwmom Feb 2015 #87

A private apology for three years of public humiliation? I don't think so. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #135

CORRECT Skittles Feb 2015 #183

But then she wouldn't have been able to post the note she wrote on her Facebook. n/t benz380 Feb 2015 #197

Pretty clear from the responses in this thread who was bullied... Beaverhausen Feb 2015 #77

I was thinking the same thing... chervilant Feb 2015 #85

Personally, it was many years in therapy to 'get over' what I dealt with at that age Beaverhausen Feb 2015 #125

Isn't it? tenderfoot Feb 2015 #89

probably the type who think it's cute if their kid behaves like an ass towards others JI7 Feb 2015 #95

You know what else is alarming about the responses? Is how many excoriating the girl are women. tenderfoot Feb 2015 #103

at least one has posted stuff attacking poor people for buying certain things JI7 Feb 2015 #115

I think that both sexes should be held to the same standard. pennylane100 Feb 2015 #233

So what the woman did was exactly the same as what was done to her? tenderfoot Feb 2015 #238

Not even close. pennylane100 Feb 2015 #241

I misunderstood your post at first... tenderfoot Feb 2015 #242

Well I do agree that it is always puzzlling when and women fail to empathize pennylane100 Feb 2015 #244

Was about to post the same thing. jeff47 Feb 2015 #119

One of my sister's frineds did something like that... JHB Feb 2015 #99

Terrific move! nt valerief Feb 2015 #107

The guy apologized but only after yuiyoshida Feb 2015 #108

Five Gold Stars for Her!!! 2naSalit Feb 2015 #137

she sounds like a real joy Skittles Feb 2015 #154

This message was self-deleted by its author 1000words Feb 2015 #155

Indeed. (nt) Inkfreak Feb 2015 #186

Damn, obnoxious childish behavior from a 12-year-old is one thing. cemaphonic Feb 2015 #157

A 12-15 year old, since he did it for 3 years. And she didn't do anything obnoxious. pnwmom Feb 2015 #177

To all the people accusing her of being a bully or passive aggressive whopis01 Feb 2015 #184

Excellent post tenderfoot Feb 2015 #189

He got off easy. Iggo Feb 2015 #192

Good lord. LWolf Feb 2015 #193

I think his "crime" is not that he bullied her at 12 Shankapotomus Feb 2015 #194

Post removed Post removed Feb 2015 #199

She was beautiful then! And still is now, obviously! DesertDiamond Feb 2015 #208

Awesome! Catherine Vincent Feb 2015 #210

Mixed feelings. OldRedneck Feb 2015 #216

Read the article. Iggo Feb 2015 #224

yes, it's trite shanti Feb 2015 #219

Actually, this revenge was served hot and sexy. Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #222

This reminded me of something from my own life. MineralMan Feb 2015 #226

Awesome post! You hit it out of the park as usual. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #227

It's a strong memory for me. MineralMan Feb 2015 #234

This is nothing to cheer. In fact it is incredibly obnoxious Augustus Feb 2015 #235

Cry me a river. nt Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #236

You think it acceptable for a 22 year old to act this way? Augustus Feb 2015 #237

How old are you to think your opinion is so damned important? Xipe Totec Feb 2015 #246

Yes. 840high Feb 2015 #240

So being a bit immature but telling it like it is, is worse than being cruel for years? bettyellen Feb 2015 #243

I said nothing of the sort Augustus Feb 2015 #247

This message was self-deleted by its author tenderfoot Feb 2015 #239

As someone said. Only at DU. Puglover Feb 2015 #245

Message auto-removed Name removed Feb 2015 #252

Looking At The Number of DUers wellst0nev0ter Feb 2015 #253