Pope Says It's OK to Spank Kids, if Their Dignity Is Kept

[caraher]

27. There is a part of this that resonates with me

First, I'm not defending spanking. On balance, it appears to be be ineffective and more often harmful than helpful, even when it is not physical injurious in a serious way.

But my own experience growing up involved getting spanked by both parents. My mother gave it up, I think in part because none of us had any fear of it; I don't particularly even remember when she stopped or whether she said anything about why.

But my father... well, he gave it up too, but I did not find that to be a change for the better. Instead of a quick couple of whacks and some physical pain briefly dreaded but short-lasting, we were served lengthy, emotional inquisitions that were far more painful. My siblings and I all adjusted to this in different ways. What I learned fairly quickly was that there was a power imbalance and the outcome had nothing to do with anything I might say. So my approach was to just go with the flow, whether or not I thought his assessment of the situation was based in reality, because I just wanted to be done with the talking. My sister (1 year younger) always insisted on sticking up for her view, and spent hours and hours in tears trying to reason about this or that, never quite accepting that his mind was made up and no amount of pleading and bargaining would make a difference.

So... I agree with the pope that dignity matters. And in my experience, there were things that violated my dignity more than being hit. (But that doesn't mean there's ever a truly dignified way to beat a child, only that there can, sometimes, be more damaging alternatives.)