Kris Jenner Trans- Shamed Bruce Jenner For Years After Finding Him Wearing Her Dresses

[Ms. Toad]

41. Wow. Have you spent anytime really talking to any trans* individual?

Particularly older trans* individuals often fight themselves for years before acknowledging that part of who they are to themselves; before they stop hoping that if they can just {fill in the blank} it will all go away. It is a HUGE step from there to telling even one other person.

My high school sweetheart transitioned a couple of years ago. We're 40+ years out of high school. She knew about herself before we started dating when we were 14-ish. For a high school couple we were extraordinarily close. In hindsight it played a huge role in both how close we were - and in how abruptly she ended our relationship. But she never even hinted about it at the time - even though we talked deeply about nearly everything.

She told me about 4 years ago. She's married - she has been for around 30 years. She didn't tell her wife until shortly before she told me (I was the second non-trans* person she told). She wasn't deliberately keeping something from her wife - she was just convinced that she would never be able to live as a woman, that she owed it to her wife to be the man her wife married, and she would have to just get by until she died.

She is one of the lucky ones - although she already had a suicide plan when I met her when we were 12, it was more theoretical than an option she was likely to execute. But it says a lot that for 90% of her life she has known how she would end it if just getting by became overwhelmingly hard. And 41% of trans* individuals attempt suicide.

So it is insultingly trivializes how hard it is to share that part of who you are to describe it as "a penchant," and to condemn someone for how long they wait before they tell their significant other - it is often a matter of life and death, and life often means keeping quiet until you just can't contain it any longer.

The good news, for my dear friend, is that once she transitioned she is far happier than I have ever known her. It is such a joy to be able to celebrate all of who she is!