General Discussion

jmowreader

(53,239 posts)

104. You heard about the Mechanical Doctor vending machine?

Thu Mar 5, 2015, 10:25 PM

Mar 2015

You put a urine sample in the machine, insert $10 and it prints out a complete diagnosis and treatment plan.

The guy who invented it asked his friend to try it. He did, and the machine printed out:

You have tennis elbow. Apply cold packs for two hours a day."

Duly impressed, he went home and got a jar. He had his wife pee in it, his son, his daughter and his dog, then masturbated in it before returning to the machine...which printed out:

Your wife is pregnant with another man's baby. Get a lawyer.
Your daughter is on crack. Put her in rehab.
Your son has VD. Take him to the doctor.
Your dog has fleas. Wash him in flea shampoo.
And if you don't quit jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

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110 replies

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Highlight:

Americans Taste Test Mexican Beer [View all] snooper2 Mar 2015 OP

No Dos Equis? immoderate Mar 2015 #1

iirc, they don't even market dos equis in mexico. unblock Mar 2015 #29

They do. Glassunion Mar 2015 #64

i sit corrected. unblock Mar 2015 #66

It's nice to know I'm not the only one with that problem Warpy Mar 2015 #77

Mexican beer is pretty bad. OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #2

Better than micro-brews... lame54 Mar 2015 #3

So you prefer macro-brews? OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #4

So far... lame54 Mar 2015 #11

Actually, it's the macro-brews who are worried OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #20

I went on that journey for years... lame54 Mar 2015 #27

Micro-brews don't all taste the same Bonx Mar 2015 #28

Oh, lordy... OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #40

keep shaking... lame54 Mar 2015 #43

Your post doesn't make any sense Bonx Mar 2015 #56

micro-brews... lame54 Mar 2015 #57

Generalizing that all micro-brews are bad OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #58

are from small batch breweries Bonx Mar 2015 #59

Being contrarian...likes Corona and is gonna show those "snobs" with their microbrews alcibiades_mystery Mar 2015 #82

that was rather rude... lame54 Mar 2015 #91

No, you must be destroyed. Throd Mar 2015 #106

I like Founders. House of Roberts Mar 2015 #101

Dirty Bastard is good. OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #102

Their Porter, Centennial IPA, and their Breakfast Stout are very good. alfredo Mar 2015 #110

Craft Brewers won big against AB. Check it out! alfredo Mar 2015 #109

LOL cyberswede Mar 2015 #63

You, sir, are a follow of no taste. Adrahil Mar 2015 #74

I insult your beer so you insult me? - is that how it works? lame54 Mar 2015 #92

Yes, sir, it is! Beer is surious bidness..... Adrahil Mar 2015 #93

cheers... lame54 Mar 2015 #94

The only beer better than a micro-brew LWolf Mar 2015 #87

Negra Modelo enlightenment Mar 2015 #12

Modelo's the best of the bunch. OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #14

Negra Modelo is totally front loaded with flavor Brother Buzz Mar 2015 #25

BeerAdvocate gives it a 76 out of 100. OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #36

Bohemia also. It's a Czech-style lager, hence the name. n/t nomorenomore08 Mar 2015 #15

Negra Modelo es una cerveza muy buena KamaAina Mar 2015 #34

I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Negra Modelo OriginalGeek Mar 2015 #60

Meh... Adrahil Mar 2015 #75

That's the only Mexican beer I can stand Major Nikon Mar 2015 #76

Most of the world says the same about American beer. Xithras Mar 2015 #68

I dont know... GummyBearz Mar 2015 #88

It must have been.. sendero Mar 2015 #95

I love Pacfico and XXX! Much better than American beers. B Calm Mar 2015 #86

I don't get the LOL part azmom Mar 2015 #5

don't drink the water in Mexico snooper2 Mar 2015 #7

Don't worry about that jmowreader Mar 2015 #78

Not funny. Disgusting. Android3.14 Mar 2015 #6

That's what I'm thinking. What the hell. azmom Mar 2015 #9

Just stupid, IMO... Many Americans love Bud light, after all hlthe2b Mar 2015 #16

Have you missed the entire series of other nationalities trying glowing Mar 2015 #18

What did you see that made you reflexively think "RACISM?" BubbaFett Mar 2015 #21

I would alert snooper2 Mar 2015 #24

Alert this..... Pendejo azmom Mar 2015 #32

ROFLAMO "Want me to teach you some Spanish words man?" snooper2 Mar 2015 #35

Now that's funny. The beer one not so much. azmom Mar 2015 #39

From my time teaching in Laredo Android3.14 Mar 2015 #49

There's a tight translation to that word, also. MADem Mar 2015 #105

That is the funniest piece of film they ever made, but you have to see the whole scene jmowreader Mar 2015 #79

Not during the day Android3.14 Mar 2015 #37

when you getting your upgrade, I'm on 4.1.2 and thought that was old snooper2 Mar 2015 #46

Whoooosh! Android3.14 Mar 2015 #48

did the scotch tape work for you? snooper2 Mar 2015 #51

Sometimes, it's not about you Warpy Mar 2015 #80

I saw no racism romanic Mar 2015 #83

Cheers In_The_Wind Mar 2015 #8

Insufferable hipster assholes are more insufferable than the worst Mexican beer. nt Dreamer Tatum Mar 2015 #10

Word! Brother Buzz Mar 2015 #13

Yeah... that is what I was thinking as well.. hlthe2b Mar 2015 #17

And Bohemia is good beer, period. Dreamer Tatum Mar 2015 #19

Did you just reference the Budweiser anti hipster beer commercial? robbob Mar 2015 #33

Bravo! Thread Winner! Paladin Mar 2015 #47

Did they really have to pick the raunchiest Mexican beers to choose from? Xipe Totec Mar 2015 #22

Pacifico will do in a pinch BubbaFett Mar 2015 #23

I like Pacifico� dhill926 Mar 2015 #53

No saben lo que es bueno. azmom Mar 2015 #26

ask any alcohol manufacturer, tastes are *heavily* influenced by marketing unblock Mar 2015 #30

+1 HuckleB Mar 2015 #42

Bohemia, Negra Modelo, Dos Equis Amber are the good Mexican beers. The stuff they tested is like... Erose999 Mar 2015 #31

If you're going to compare Budweiser OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #44

I love Japanese beer yuiyoshida Mar 2015 #54

I ordered a Tsingtao at The Worst Chinese Restaurant Ever OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #71

Yep. I quite like Bohemia. GoCubsGo Mar 2015 #50

Everyone knows Corona is served with a slice of lime robbob Mar 2015 #38

Thats the thing I don't get about it. Its so flavorless that you have to add something to flavor it. Erose999 Mar 2015 #45

I get that it's just comedy, but why not blind the thing? HuckleB Mar 2015 #41

FYI: Mexico has a growing mirco-brewery trend starting up. n/t FSogol Mar 2015 #52

Put in 5 pounds of hops, give it a jivey name, and charge $11.99 per six pack. Throd Mar 2015 #55

I'll save the Coors light for u Bonx Mar 2015 #61

I'll have a Weihenstephaner instead. Throd Mar 2015 #65

I don't understand the IPA outrage Bonx Mar 2015 #67

I did a side-by-side taste test with Weihenstephaner pilsner and PBR. OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #69

Weihenstephaner Vitus is one of the best beers on the planet, period. bullwinkle428 Mar 2015 #72

Most IPAs are really hoppy Mosby Mar 2015 #97

damn straight. Love those hops. kwassa Mar 2015 #62

Reminds me of a Demitri Martin bit... Initech Mar 2015 #70

I don't drink, but I always feel like I'm missing out on something when people discuss beer PersonNumber503602 Mar 2015 #73

Personally, I don't think you're missing much Art_from_Ark Mar 2015 #89

There's more to beer than fizzy yellow stuff. OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #90

Hear hear! robbob Mar 2015 #99

Absurd? Nonsense! OnyxCollie Mar 2015 #100

Same thing with liquors and wines Bonx Mar 2015 #96

XXX's has gone burrowowl Mar 2015 #81

The lab tests came back. "We're very sorry to inform you-- eridani Mar 2015 #84

You heard about the Mechanical Doctor vending machine? jmowreader Mar 2015 #104

Bohemia Oscura is good. a la izquierda Mar 2015 #85

There is a nice mix.... sendero Mar 2015 #98

negra modelo... ProdigalJunkMail Mar 2015 #103

Never had a Corona that tasted good Omaha Steve Mar 2015 #107

If you are thirsty for a lager go with Pacifico. Vattel Mar 2015 #108