The sexual objectification of little girls

[laundry_queen]

32. Those poor girls

Those mothers sound exactly like my mother. Weight was always the first topic of conversation. Even recently, she went to visit our extended family and when she came back I got a detailed report on who gained, who lost, who ate what. I had to ASK about their jobs, spouses, etc because all my mother cared about was reporting on their weights.

Growing up every morsel that crossed my lips was evaluated for calories and fat content. If I complained that a half a sandwich for lunch didn't keep me full for more than an hour, my mother would tell me that something must be wrong with me because SHE was full on a half a sandwich for the entire day (and she'd even sometimes call me a little piggy for eating too much).

Instead of developing anorexia, the second I moved in with my now-ex-husband, and he told me to 'stop all the dieting crap', I ate freely for the first time in my life. I gained quite a bit of weight. Then I got pregnant and, well, after 4 kids I'm now obese. I do have legitimate medical issues that make losing weight hard (and that make me understand why I was always so hungry on my mother's cooking) but I do sometimes wonder if I stay this way as a big FU to my mother. I guess I want her to prove that she will love me even if I'm fat. So far, jury's out on THAT.

At any rate, I definitely don't want my girls to go through what I did. I was lucky that I didn't develop anorexia because I also truly believed no one would love me if i was fat. Deep down, I still believe that on some level. Part of the reason I held on to an abusive husband for so long was that I thought no one else would love a fattie like me.

I'm working on it. *sigh*