General Discussion

lunatica

(53,410 posts)

14. What is it you want in a man and a relationship

Sun Mar 8, 2015, 12:30 PM

Mar 2015

Just make if very clear what you want, just like that man did. There's nothing wrong in that. At least when you put it online you have more anonymous choices, meaning you can be more yourself and say exactly what you said to that man. It's much harder when you meet someone in person who may be a friend of your best friend or a friend of a relative who might not like you talking like that to their friend. You can also say you just want a companion and that you will wait to see if it turns into more.

You can also weed out the assholes who are obvious misogynists online. But remember there are a lot of lonely people who are truly nice and decent. Asshole men or women have always been around. They think they can make the rules only to find out no one likes them. Screw them. At least they show themselves sooner when they're online. That's something to be thankful for.

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I am doing online dating [View all] strawberries Mar 2015 OP

There aren't males in your social circles? Cooley Hurd Mar 2015 #1

I sort of live in the middle of nowhere strawberries Mar 2015 #2

Where else could I meet a like-mind politically? Cooley Hurd Mar 2015 #5

there have been several du marriages. mopinko Mar 2015 #22

what is wrong with younger men? Skittles Mar 2015 #121

You too? liberalhistorian Mar 2015 #37

It's the best place to meet like-minded people! Cooley Hurd Mar 2015 #46

I'm tempted to post an "I'm single and looking"OP BlancheSplanchnik Mar 2015 #184

I know for a fact of another DU hookup Aerows Mar 2015 #162

Love your response!!! /nt RiverLover Mar 2015 #3

Do you know what you call a man who wants a perfect partner? FSogol Mar 2015 #4

And bitter. n/t 1StrongBlackMan Mar 2015 #151

There is no "perfect" anyone. SMC22307 Mar 2015 #6

I did block him after I sent him the email strawberries Mar 2015 #9

Well, good luck. There are success stories, but also horror stories. SMC22307 Mar 2015 #17

Meetup.com CrispyQ Mar 2015 #27

Sierra Club in your area? marlakay Mar 2015 #110

But when a man's required dating range is younger than he is, that's obnoxious. n/t pnwmom Mar 2015 #49

No it's not. woolldog Mar 2015 #65

Okay, a fat older man wants to date only thin younger women. pnwmom Mar 2015 #66

I don't. woolldog Mar 2015 #67

Except he's probably closer to 80 and is fat. Why is that reasonable? pnwmom Mar 2015 #69

How do you know how old he is? woolldog Mar 2015 #70

Because I read the OP. pnwmom Mar 2015 #76

Obviously said in spite woolldog Mar 2015 #88

As it doesn't validate your presumptions, I suppose you wouldn't... LanternWaste Mar 2015 #146

Big is "in" now. woolldog Mar 2015 #160

The problem is that there are too many men who are 2's and 3's that are looking smirkymonkey Mar 2015 #190

No it isn't. I'm female and was open to +/- 7 years' age difference. SMC22307 Mar 2015 #71

But he will ONLY date younger women. That's not comparable. nt pnwmom Mar 2015 #73

That's his preference, just as there are women who wouldn't date older. SMC22307 Mar 2015 #80

I think most of these people are nuts. pnwmom Mar 2015 #99

THAT I agree with. SMC22307 Mar 2015 #103

If someone had given me a check-off list of all the things I theoretically wanted pnwmom Mar 2015 #105

OK Cupid did the math to prove men are obnoxious daredtowork Mar 2015 #83

I agree with you. dawg Mar 2015 #97

NSA fun???? Omaha Steve Mar 2015 #50

I think it means no strings attached. lovemydog Mar 2015 #61

NO strings attached Omaha Steve Mar 2015 #74

Yes, Edward Snowden and pole-dancing ballerina. SMC22307 Mar 2015 #72

My daughter met her SO on match.com. Been together 6 years now riderinthestorm Mar 2015 #7

If you want to meet prospective partners you need to work at it. I wouldn't touch online dating.. BlueJazz Mar 2015 #8

LOL nt strawberries Mar 2015 #10

Jury results pintobean Mar 2015 #24

That is, without a doubt, John Poet Mar 2015 #30

Thank you John for pointing that out. There's 2 people on this forum that hate my guts. BlueJazz Mar 2015 #35

You might be a pig mythology Mar 2015 #155

+1 Pooka Fey Mar 2015 #171

Speak for yourself. woolldog Mar 2015 #159

But I just did. John Poet Mar 2015 #164

Not finding your lame woolldog Mar 2015 #165

Speak for Your Self Sparhawk60 Mar 2015 #174

Speak for yourself Inkfreak Mar 2015 #176

wow not cool. men are pigs stands? elehhhhna Mar 2015 #75

Yeah, I was #7 pintobean Mar 2015 #77

"3 little words"...Men are pigs. Comes from "Kathy" Cartoon. BlueJazz Mar 2015 #26

That's not being very nice to pigs. bluedigger Mar 2015 #58

Of course, I meant Men who don't belong to DU. BlueJazz Mar 2015 #87

Well, of course! bluedigger Mar 2015 #106

What is wrong with being honest? Drahthaardogs Mar 2015 #41

My feelings are> Even if he was being honest, it's hard to tell who you'll fall in... BlueJazz Mar 2015 #45

And when it became time to select a wife Drahthaardogs Mar 2015 #48

"Is that insulting to all non Italian-american women" Not at all. Somebody wanting that type of... BlueJazz Mar 2015 #116

Family member sought out spouse online in a group of his own No Vested Interest Mar 2015 #182

The. He deserved the honest response treestar Mar 2015 #57

No, he did not deserve the "honest response". Drahthaardogs Mar 2015 #93

Yes, he did seek out the OP. Re-read it nt riderinthestorm Mar 2015 #95

You are right. I did not read it that he sent her an email first. Drahthaardogs Mar 2015 #98

You valued honesty; he put himself out there treestar Mar 2015 #123

Agreed Sherman A1 Mar 2015 #96

Saying that enables them to be treestar Mar 2015 #55

It's good to know that I am not the only person that thinks online dating is repellent smirkymonkey Mar 2015 #191

I love and understand what you wrote but I find it hilarious also. BlueJazz Mar 2015 #196

"What is it with men who only want perfect women when they are so far from perfect themselves?" whathehell Mar 2015 #11

my kind of Gal strawberries Mar 2015 #15

Wow, thanks.. whathehell Mar 2015 #36

hi strawberries Mar 2015 #38

Ha! whathehell Mar 2015 #44

while playing pool with my team of younger guys last tuesday, edgineered Mar 2015 #31

I don't want to be an old creep strawberries Mar 2015 #39

be the pink kind, with lots of bubbles edgineered Mar 2015 #100

Great answer! whathehell Mar 2015 #40

hmm, what the hell whathehell! edgineered Mar 2015 #101

I kind of have some respect for their guts hfojvt Mar 2015 #56

It takes no guts for an entitled man to hit on a younger woman in our society. F4lconF16 Mar 2015 #113

"a sexist older man who enjoys creeping woolldog Mar 2015 #119

It's all relative, no? nt F4lconF16 Mar 2015 #135

Yep. Double standard treestar Mar 2015 #59

The problem is men think money make up for their beer gut daredtowork Mar 2015 #84

I remember that as well... Arugula Latte Mar 2015 #137

Please...Your excellent description of our former admirers is making me nostalgic.. whathehell Mar 2015 #145

Ha ha -- me too ... Now I'm the one pushing 50 ... Arugula Latte Mar 2015 #147

I have noticed this too and it shocks me. smirkymonkey Mar 2015 #192

Yep...I have no idea where this comes from whathehell Mar 2015 #194

No matter how you date edhopper Mar 2015 #12

Respectfully, have to disagree HERVEPA Mar 2015 #13

What is it you want in a man and a relationship lunatica Mar 2015 #14

This message was self-deleted by its author rjsquirrel Mar 2015 #25

Everybody has preferences Treant Mar 2015 #16

The same that is wrong with women TexasMommaWithAHat Mar 2015 #18

After my wife passed away, I met my lady on Match. A real turn off before that were Hoyt Mar 2015 #19

I recently found out that John Poet Mar 2015 #47

Sorry for your loss strawberries Mar 2015 #132

I'd kind of prefer someone Aerows Mar 2015 #163

My daughter met her husband online gwheezie Mar 2015 #20

I hear you. annabanana Mar 2015 #42

has no clue either... yuiyoshida Mar 2015 #21

My daughter met her husband on match.com... and my MOTHER met hers there as well OKNancy Mar 2015 #23

How sweet! Stellar Mar 2015 #63

I met my husband through online dating NikolaC Mar 2015 #28

Nice story! nt strawberries Mar 2015 #34

Mr. Dixie and I met online 15 years ago. dixiegrrrrl Mar 2015 #29

My hubby and i met online moonbeam23 Mar 2015 #32

yet another friend of mine has been dabbling in online dating edgineered Mar 2015 #33

It is interesting how so much of these discussions center on looks n2doc Mar 2015 #43

Well, the point of the OP is that men she's encountered have these appearance standards for women, Arugula Latte Mar 2015 #138

My daughter met her husband on Match.com. A co-worker met his wife there. DebJ Mar 2015 #51

he's not asking for a "perfect" woman hfojvt Mar 2015 #52

One of the greatest concepts put forward by the artist Yoko Ono... Cooley Hurd Mar 2015 #54

He has a lot belly so good luck with that treestar Mar 2015 #62

speaking of double standards though hfojvt Mar 2015 #120

It's a double standard treestar Mar 2015 #125

I pretty much gave up when I was 43 hfojvt Mar 2015 #136

Men are never objects they are people treestar Mar 2015 #161

it's really hard to say never, and no one hfojvt Mar 2015 #168

Plenty of men went off in a huff treestar Mar 2015 #186

Explore the joys of singlehood. Binkie The Clown Mar 2015 #53

There are plenty of doofuses.. sendero Mar 2015 #60

It's worldwide, not just in the US Warpy Mar 2015 #64

Chinese men are in a sad situation now daredtowork Mar 2015 #85

I know and the same thing is happening in India, with dire consequences for women Warpy Mar 2015 #89

Sounds like San Francisco daredtowork Mar 2015 #94

Exactly, and they'd rather let it sit empty and take a tax loss. Warpy Mar 2015 #102

Aren't a lot of those actually built by Chinese investing companies? nt daredtowork Mar 2015 #104

I can't figure out how it is hard to meet men Skittles Mar 2015 #122

It's not hard to meet men. It's hard to meet men of quality, character, humor & substance and underahedgerow Mar 2015 #170

I have found plenty without advertising on the internet Skittles Mar 2015 #175

Whuh???? Talk to them like live, in real life and in person? Well we can't have that now, can we? underahedgerow Mar 2015 #180

I have found that many women limit by age, height, salary, all kinds of bullshit Skittles Mar 2015 #181

Well sure, and just for the sake of discussion, I offer up my reasons for being so 'picky' about underahedgerow Mar 2015 #195

I so relate to this smirkymonkey Mar 2015 #193

Exactly! The man in my life is a wonderful Jack X named Kevin. 'He's allll the man underahedgerow Mar 2015 #197

It isn't just men. dawg Mar 2015 #68

My experience is also that women can be picky. Jim Lane Mar 2015 #112

Getting to know people can increase their attractiveness treestar Mar 2015 #126

Maybe we are looking at this thing the wrong way. dawg Mar 2015 #127

Too bad DU doesn't have a dating group. I don't think there's one? Maybe a different online RKP5637 Mar 2015 #78

A dating group is a good idea. n/t dilby Mar 2015 #91

A woman I know is doing the online thing CountAllVotes Mar 2015 #79

So, let me understand this customerserviceguy Mar 2015 #109

When I say ugly I mean ugly CountAllVotes Mar 2015 #117

People like what they like. I don't meet most peoples' preferences, and I don't care. arcane1 Mar 2015 #81

When I was doing online dating Bluzmann57 Mar 2015 #82

I met my husband at Parents Without Partners... CTyankee Mar 2015 #86

Online dating is basically shucking oysters dilby Mar 2015 #90

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2015 #92

Men don't have to even shave. Jamastiene Mar 2015 #107

This post is great. F4lconF16 Mar 2015 #115

Ah yes, naming the hairy areas. U4ikLefty Mar 2015 #169

You have to approach online dating in a totally different way than conventional dating customerserviceguy Mar 2015 #108

Why is it shallow to not be attracted to larger people? woolldog Mar 2015 #114

"Consider yourself lucky, you don't have to waste another second with that person" Phentex Mar 2015 #130

You answered your own question. Turbineguy Mar 2015 #111

if you're in sw fl next weekend - edgineered Mar 2015 #118

Stop doing that and start participating in political and cultural activities eridani Mar 2015 #124

I met my SO online alarimer Mar 2015 #128

I don't think they read my profile either strawberries Mar 2015 #129

Always read the profile! dannward Mar 2015 #157

I have found that people who set standards usually end up not listening to them anyways. Oneironaut Mar 2015 #131

I was trying to make a point. big question here strawberries Mar 2015 #133

I was talking about the guy, just to clarify. Oneironaut Mar 2015 #140

My thread/post is on fire, how did that happen nt strawberries Mar 2015 #134

Hang in there. Puglover Mar 2015 #139

congratulations on your marriage strawberries Mar 2015 #142

Fingers crossed. nt Puglover Mar 2015 #143

Did he send you any dick pics? Capt. Obvious Mar 2015 #141

LOL Jesus strawberries Mar 2015 #144

Years and years ago--after my divorce--I did video dating (1980), a precursor to on-line dating. mnhtnbb Mar 2015 #148

I remember seeing commercials on video dating strawberries Mar 2015 #149

He was a jerk. Some people are. I occasionally wonder if he has a giant beer belly mnhtnbb Mar 2015 #150

Being attracted to slim women woolldog Mar 2015 #187

True. But men who feel the need to belittle women for not being mnhtnbb Mar 2015 #188

True. nt woolldog Mar 2015 #189

The irony is women still have it 100 times easier than men Blue_Tires Mar 2015 #152

I'm on a few dating sites too, and Jamaal510 Mar 2015 #153

I don't have color issues, so um where do you live? strawberries Mar 2015 #154

I'm back and forth between the Bay Area and Humboldt. Jamaal510 Mar 2015 #158

Do you have any Meetup.com groups in your area? woodsprite Mar 2015 #156

How you doin'? ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2015 #166

lol strawberries Mar 2015 #167

we don't look for perfections DanielLee5 Mar 2015 #172

"Someone explain something to me about men" Omaha Steve Mar 2015 #173

Not sure what title to put on this. Maybe: "Karma can be cruel". CincyDem Mar 2015 #177

let karma do the heavy lifting... i like your post. nt seabeyond Mar 2015 #178

thanks for the kind, but to the point post strawberries Mar 2015 #179

6'3" here, and presumably look about 50. KamaAina Mar 2015 #183

Short guys are better lovers! B Calm Mar 2015 #185

look at it this way steve2470 Mar 2015 #198

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2015 #199

Post removed Post removed Mar 2015 #200

Then you have the "Looking for Nurse With A Purse" old guys. Divernan Mar 2015 #201