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pipi_k

(21,020 posts)

116. On taking it personally...

Tue Mar 24, 2015, 10:58 AM

Mar 2015

It’s hard not to take it personally when somebody implies that you’d be better off dead. And besides, it’s rude.

I don't think people who say they would rather be dead are are implying that the disabled person would be better off dead.

I think what they're saying is that the disabled person is extraordinarily BRAVE for dealing day to day with something that the speaker thinks he himself could not handle.

I'm disabled by a condition that I've been dealing with every. single. day. for 53 years.

It doesn't show on the outside.

Every so often I feel so terrible and discouraged by one aspect of it that yes, I do feel like I would rather not be here. So I would understand if someone said he would rather be dead than have to deal with what I do every.single.day.

What does that tell me?

That I'm brave as hell for not giving in to despair.

So. There are two ways of looking at this.

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I Am Disabled and People Tell Me On a Regular Basis That They Would Rather Die Than Be Like Me [View all] KamaAina Mar 2015 OP

There are a lot of insensitive jerks in the world still_one Mar 2015 #1

amen to that Liberal_in_LA Mar 2015 #41

Fact of life... Hulk Mar 2015 #58

You could not be more spot on. LibDemAlways Mar 2015 #60

Wow, not only rude but actually dangerous and could hurt someone still_one Mar 2015 #61

What the hell is wrong with people? Bobbie Jo Mar 2015 #81

I know this kind of rude behavior has been around forever, but it seems there are appalachiablue Mar 2015 #119

In my area of Southern Calif. entitled LibDemAlways Mar 2015 #126

You said it and there are plenty like that in the east, total power, arrogance, rude & crude. appalachiablue Mar 2015 #127

This message was self-deleted by its author razorman Mar 2015 #74

You are quite right. But, to be fair, most of them probably do not realize razorman Mar 2015 #75

Ignorance. sure some do say that..until they are disabled. misterhighwasted Mar 2015 #2

The poster didn't write the article s/he linked, I think. ND-Dem Mar 2015 #86

How old are you? HockeyMom Mar 2015 #3

"Feeling like a burden is another. But a society that diminishes our lives to the point ND-Dem Mar 2015 #88

why is it such a bad thing to be taken care of by another? liberal_at_heart Mar 2015 #95

I agree, but it's funny. I have taken care of people but I don't like the idea of ND-Dem Mar 2015 #96

I like this post, good for you. Yes we all need care at some time although many resist reality. appalachiablue Mar 2015 #121

Cruel. bravenak Mar 2015 #4

You're a mom? KamaAina Mar 2015 #7

Of course I'm a mom!! Lol!! bravenak Mar 2015 #10

We use the term "mom" to mean "autism mom" KamaAina Mar 2015 #11

No. Outside in the yard, sure. bravenak Mar 2015 #13

Lower 48. KamaAina Mar 2015 #14

Once I can get her on the plane We are going to visit the family in Cali. bravenak Mar 2015 #17

No, I did not know about that. KamaAina Mar 2015 #19

My son used to have behavioral issues as well. It can be draining. Boy do those little liberal_at_heart Mar 2015 #18

She is nine. bravenak Mar 2015 #27

"The little things that are different about these kids are the things that make you love them liberal_at_heart Mar 2015 #79

Many people sleep walk through life Prism Mar 2015 #5

Rec your post BrotherIvan Mar 2015 #8

+ 1 demigoddess Mar 2015 #51

It's the thoughtlessness Prism Mar 2015 #114

I'm going to steal that: Slappable Commentary BrotherIvan Mar 2015 #128

Those are some great insights. You are absolutely right. When you are disabled you are forced liberal_at_heart Mar 2015 #9

"choose to be happy" Prism Mar 2015 #115

+100. ND-Dem Mar 2015 #89

Great post. nt raccoon Mar 2015 #111

Exactly! Pacifist Patriot Mar 2015 #113

It's even worse when the disability is invisible Kalidurga Mar 2015 #6

I have a day time sleepiness disorder. It does make doing things very difficult. It can be liberal_at_heart Mar 2015 #16

That's what chronic fatigue is like except there are a lot more symptoms Kalidurga Mar 2015 #29

That's getting a new name maybe, and a new diagnostic criteria...after so many years. MADem Mar 2015 #104

Thank you that describes what goes on perfectly Kalidurga Mar 2015 #120

Peter Rowe, who is the MD mentioned in the article, did a very comprehensive study MADem Mar 2015 #122

Everyone should experience going out and about while temporarily disabled Quantess Mar 2015 #12

One day I went to a KMART to buy something CountAllVotes Mar 2015 #24

That is awful. Arugula Latte Mar 2015 #25

That's what I thought of! Quantess Mar 2015 #28

b b buttt CountAllVotes Mar 2015 #30

That's bad.... I was jeered at by teenagers Quantess Mar 2015 #35

I hold doors too; though I was once chastised for doing so by a disabled person. ND-Dem Mar 2015 #93

Well then, that person was just being grumpy and over-sensitive. Quantess Mar 2015 #100

an older man saying that? it surprises me, because older people are often somewhat ND-Dem Mar 2015 #90

All you can do is shake it off. I would take the attitude that the poor guy MADem Mar 2015 #123

Ironically flip side is true loyalsister Mar 2015 #33

Temporary disability can be enough to change your perspective. Quantess Mar 2015 #38

Simulations are a part of some disability awareness campaigns loyalsister Mar 2015 #45

Been there, done that. Doesn't excuse this writer from using her disability to attack an option for AtheistCrusader Mar 2015 #44

you've been disabled? but now you're not? ND-Dem Mar 2015 #91

I was by post 12's standard. AtheistCrusader Mar 2015 #110

No, it really can't be the same. I acknowledge that. Quantess Mar 2015 #124

Some years ago, while pregnant with my first child (who is now 32) SheilaT Mar 2015 #71

There was a posted story on DU once yuiyoshida Mar 2015 #15

Someone once told me I should have died in Vietnam pinboy3niner Mar 2015 #21

I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! yuiyoshida Mar 2015 #23

That is horrible CountAllVotes Mar 2015 #31

To a certain extent they already are. justhanginon Mar 2015 #49

omg. ND-Dem Mar 2015 #92

People are so fucked up... :-( Left coast liberal Mar 2015 #20

Statistics CountAllVotes Mar 2015 #22

What a completely shitty thing to say to anyone. Eom. Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2015 #26

Some of us understand a little better. Savannahmann Mar 2015 #32

K&R Yo_Mama Mar 2015 #34

IMO it's a declaration of the speaker's limitations Orrex Mar 2015 #36

It's a real shame, for the world, that this Guy didn't kill himself when he found out that the.... BlueJazz Mar 2015 #37

He's had lots of time for pure thought ErikJ Mar 2015 #64

Europe's had a lot of experience on this ... MisterP Mar 2015 #39

the US has had a bit too. ND-Dem Mar 2015 #97

"War Against the Weak" is a completely amazing work MisterP Mar 2015 #125

why do you say that? you mean his claims that the ford foundation and soros ND-Dem Mar 2015 #129

I guess he sees any criticism of Likud as a Ford-sponsored ploy to finish what Heydrich started MisterP Mar 2015 #130

That is austerity for you CountAllVotes Mar 2015 #40

So because some people are insensitive whatthehey Mar 2015 #42

Whoosh! pinboy3niner Mar 2015 #46

then tell me the fucking point whatthehey Mar 2015 #59

You seem to be trying very hard to make me wonder if you deserve to live pinboy3niner Mar 2015 #63

No it doesn't miss the point. The point was buried at the end of the article. AtheistCrusader Mar 2015 #72

I don't think that was the point of the OP. If it had been she probably would have included it liberal_at_heart Mar 2015 #78

It might not be why the OP posted it, but it is certainly the point of the article itself. AtheistCrusader Mar 2015 #80

"I sure as hell hope assisted suicide is there to help my disabled ass" loyalsister Mar 2015 #52

I don't need to make assumptions about the experience. I KNOW and LIVE it whatthehey Mar 2015 #62

I'm sorry you feel like that pinboy3niner Mar 2015 #68

I am glad that you do have those supports loyalsister Mar 2015 #69

I am disabled and agree w/you Pastiche423 Mar 2015 #85

or maybe it's the people who acquire a disability who have a harder time ND-Dem Mar 2015 #98

That may be true for some. My son was born with Autism, has had it all his life. My husband liberal_at_heart Mar 2015 #99

Nope Pastiche423 Mar 2015 #101

which is what i meant; they have a harder time accepting their situation. ND-Dem Mar 2015 #102

I said is WASN'T a matter of a harder time and/or acceptance Pastiche423 Mar 2015 #103

I thought you were speaking of the fear those *not* disabled from birth have of ND-Dem Mar 2015 #105

"Which is one of the reasons the newly disabled would fear living as a disabled person." Pastiche423 Mar 2015 #106

Because disabled lives are socially devalued, to become disabled inspires fear and ND-Dem Mar 2015 #107

How about, "don't be a rude asshole and insult people?" Quantess Mar 2015 #73

Who said that? Any individual should have the right to make that choice for themselves, but liberal_at_heart Mar 2015 #77

This is a shameless attack on the UK version of Washington State's I-1000 bill. AtheistCrusader Mar 2015 #43

I think it's horrible having to deal with that, but Ed Suspicious Mar 2015 #47

The librarian at my high school lost both of his legs in an auto accident when mulsh Mar 2015 #48

"Why would you say something like that?"... Is the kindest way I've learned to bettyellen Mar 2015 #50

this one's a keeper: raccoon Mar 2015 #112

I believe I need to give credit to the wonderful Captain Awkward for that line bettyellen Mar 2015 #118

I can't imagine how anyone feels they have the right to say that to another person get the red out Mar 2015 #53

Pity those who's existence must be so crappy mobility is their deal breaker. nt Snotcicles Mar 2015 #54

Ben Stein said it, on a CBS Sunday Morning commentary in the mid 90's. Dont call me Shirley Mar 2015 #55

Yep, and the ugly thing the anti-vaxxers hide DonCoquixote Mar 2015 #56

I hear you, KamaAina! Sissyk Mar 2015 #57

We don't say "wheelchair-bound" anymore KamaAina Mar 2015 #66

Gotcha! Sissyk Mar 2015 #67

They may not know much about life then, if they feel that way to judge another. We all need to Jefferson23 Mar 2015 #65

What those rude people are saying sounds like an admission of cowardice. pnwmom Mar 2015 #70

terrible Skittles Mar 2015 #76

"So when people in government, people with power, start trying to enshrine the idea ND-Dem Mar 2015 #82

While I believe the right to die is just as fundamental as the right to live, I'm also horrified nomorenomore08 Mar 2015 #83

I'm celibate. I assumed I would fall in love when I was younger applegrove Mar 2015 #84

Rude is not a strong enough word KauaiK Mar 2015 #87

Why are so many people assuming the poster wrote the OP? ND-Dem Mar 2015 #94

He did not. KamaAina Mar 2015 #117

The people who say that are brain dead n/t malaise Mar 2015 #108

It is unpardonably rude to say such things to anyone. I think the disabled person raccoon Mar 2015 #109

On taking it personally... pipi_k Mar 2015 #116