Dear Adoptive Parents: The Burden of Adoptee Loyalty

[me b zola]

7. Please do not insult my adoptive parents, they have done nothing to you

The fact that I refuse to continuously tell strangers just how wonderful my adoptive parents are is not an indictment on them, but rather security in being able to speak my truth without fear.

Frankly the responses from adoptive parents to articles written by adoptees reveals how deeply these matters need to be spoken about and publicly. Rather than lashing out at me, please, re-read the article keeping in mind the person(s) that you have adopted.

Insulting? Yeah, try being an adoptee. I should be grateful that I wasn't aborted. How about you, are you grateful that YOU weren't aborted? My mother was drugged when she went into labor and had me taken from her. Should I be grateful for that? For forty + years when I went to the doctor I could provide no medical history to assist the doctor in my care~~should I be grateful? On the day of my birth I lost my mother, my family, my culture, heritage, and story. But YOU are insulted?

Insulted. When adoptees finally do speak out people get the freaking vapors. I would think that if I had ever adopted a child that I would bend over back wards to understand what my child was going through.

I, like many of my contemporaries go out of our way to not hurt the feelings of adoptive parents. But I really feel as though the fantasy and fairy tale of adoption must end. It just must end, all the bs, lies, and fairy tales.