Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News Editorials & Other Articles General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

hunter

(39,225 posts)
48. We learned from the bad behavior of my mom and my grandma.
Sat Apr 11, 2015, 01:49 PM
Apr 2015

There's no doubt in my mind the cops would have shot and killed my grandma if she wasn't white.

She never had any brakes on her tongue and could size people up and say the nastiest meanest most cutting thing possible to them, didn't matter who they were. After she retired she lost her civility entirely, became a danger to herself and others, and the police and paramedics had to drag her out of her house. But it took many hours, she was cussing, screaming, throwing things, hitting, kicking, and in the end, strapped to a gurney, biting...

My mom thought she'd removed all of grandma's guns, and it was terrifying to everyone when my mom and my sister found more guns while cleaning her house. My grandma simply hadn't remembered where she kept them. Or maybe, if I want to feel generous, she simply didn't want to go down in a firefight.

My mom's not much better. As a kid I'd cringe and try to be invisible whenever she had a conflict with "authority."

School administrators were afraid to call her, no matter what sort of trouble I was in. My mom would be either indifferent, like the times I ran away from school and she'd say things like "Oh, I'm sure he'll be home for dinner," or else she'd storm into the office like a Mama Grizzly and someone would bleed. Trouble is, it was sort of random which mom they got. I'm pretty sure they'd call it "bipolar" now.

When I was a kid we were living in Franco's Spain. One day a plain clothes official came by to chat with my parents, to check up on the Americans, routine visit, and my mom didn't like the way the conversation was going and started insinuating that the guy was a little dick on a power trip. The fellow remained polite, but the rest of the day my dad was increasingly fidgeting and nervous. He packed all our stuff in the car, woke me my mom and my siblings up, and we drove to France on a two lane twisty road in the middle of the night. The Spanish border officials didn't bother to wake up, if they were actually on duty at all, lights on, no one home. The French border guard was disappointed my dad didn't have any cigarettes and waved us through.

As a young man university and local police knew me well and considered me mostly harmless. An interesting diversion from normal graveyard shift duties. I was always incredibly polite. They'd help me find my clothes on the beach among the piles of kelp. They'd drive me to my apartment and bang on the door until my housemates answered.

I reeked of white male privilege.

The worst I experienced was in Santa Monica. I'd arrived much sooner than expected, from out of state, and didn't want to wake up a new girlfriend too early. So I decided to park on the street and take a nap in my car. The cops were rough and I ended up on the pavement. When they realized I wasn't the "ordinary" homeless guy I looked like, they picked me up, brushed me off, and went away.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

No. There was no reason to talk...all was just assumed...we'd be good and libdem4life Apr 2015 #1
I'm talking abou the specific talk the other thread is about gollygee Apr 2015 #2
No, they assumed if I got pulled over, the consequences would be fair. libdem4life Apr 2015 #4
Yeah, that seemed to be the assumption that my parents always had gollygee Apr 2015 #5
We lived in a really, really small town. I kind of knew there were some libdem4life Apr 2015 #8
We were told to be respectful to anyone older then we were yeoman6987 Apr 2015 #11
I did have a talk with my son boston bean Apr 2015 #3
I'm reading a biography of a rock star treestar Apr 2015 #18
Luckily my son thus far has remained unscathed... boston bean Apr 2015 #19
Long haired white teen boys treestar Apr 2015 #21
Speeding is something that gets young males on their radar.. boston bean Apr 2015 #22
I was schooled on Officer Friendly. Lilyhoney Apr 2015 #6
Me too RockaFowler Apr 2015 #9
My kids too, but that's all the more reason to have the talk. Nye Bevan Apr 2015 #38
My folks said they would beat the shit outta you and I would deserve it AngryAmish Apr 2015 #7
I am assuming that you are white, and wondered if you think that would have happened if black? KitSileya Apr 2015 #27
Message auto-removed Name removed Apr 2015 #65
You know you are doing something right when you keep getting replies from name removed. KitSileya Apr 2015 #70
I'm white...71 years old... Bigmack Apr 2015 #10
Voted "yes over 46" BUT- it was never a presumption I might get shot KittyWampus Apr 2015 #12
We got "a" talk when we started driving TexasMommaWithAHat Apr 2015 #13
That sounds a lot like "the talk" to me gollygee Apr 2015 #14
My dad worked for the town and knew a lot of cops TexasMommaWithAHat Apr 2015 #15
For me the talk Was About my doing something that the cops would misconstrue aikoaiko Apr 2015 #16
From a different vantage point treestar Apr 2015 #17
They get politer the older you get Mariana Apr 2015 #41
Yes, being a young black male treestar Apr 2015 #46
I think so. I was told not to argue with them, to just say 'yes, sir/no, sir', and to never, ever Marr Apr 2015 #20
I did give my white son that talk, because although he is white, he *looked* like a tblue37 Apr 2015 #23
No. But to be fair... hootinholler Apr 2015 #24
LOL - yes, my Dad said "keep your mouth shut and never say anything except OKNancy Apr 2015 #25
My parents didn't give me "the talk," but my husband and I City Lights Apr 2015 #26
YES! Mike Nelson Apr 2015 #28
No, I was taught that cops are my friends, there to help me Cal Carpenter Apr 2015 #29
You bet. Both parents were extremly skeptical of the police and made sure I knew how to deal with Bluenorthwest Apr 2015 #30
as a long hair late 60s early 70s hippie i was at a bit of risk-not like being black but some risk dembotoz Apr 2015 #31
i got a version of the talk, i suppose, but i don't think it was from my folks fizzgig Apr 2015 #32
Yes and over 46. Sissyk Apr 2015 #33
Yes sir, No sir, keep hands where they can see them & HereSince1628 Apr 2015 #57
Yes, with our son, when he was in his teens. We are in our 60s and white. nt Nay Apr 2015 #34
My father grew up poor and white in East Texas. He knew about cops. Comrade Grumpy Apr 2015 #35
Yes. JTFrog Apr 2015 #36
Yep. Every parent needs to explain to their kids how to safely interact with cops. Nye Bevan Apr 2015 #37
Beginning in grade school, I was taught Officer Friendly is not my friend REP Apr 2015 #39
Yes. My father was an attorney LittleBlue Apr 2015 #40
Yes. 36-45 (nt) bigwillq Apr 2015 #42
No; and what's more... caraher Apr 2015 #43
I've gotten out of trouble Aerows Apr 2015 #44
not only my parent, i gave a more strident instruction for my boys since one was about 4 so the seabeyond Apr 2015 #45
Things my Dad told me. Savannahmann Apr 2015 #47
Pretty much what my parents told me (nt) bigwillq Apr 2015 #54
We learned from the bad behavior of my mom and my grandma. hunter Apr 2015 #48
Be cool, don't make any sudden motions, keep your hands where the cop can see them XemaSab Apr 2015 #49
yup, that is what I was told Skittles Apr 2015 #87
When I was a kid I watched my father get into (& win) a physical altercation w/a cop leeroysphitz Apr 2015 #50
Yes, and I pass it on to the next generation. n/t Yo_Mama Apr 2015 #51
i tell the kids at work to verbally invoke their right to remain silent fizzgig Apr 2015 #52
Yes and I've had the talk with my daughters too. FLPanhandle Apr 2015 #53
I've never read and article or heard about a white male Stellar Apr 2015 #55
I voted yes because they did for a very specific reason csziggy Apr 2015 #56
My father had a number of incidents with police that gave him a immense dislike of them... Lancero Apr 2015 #58
No, pretty much figured it out on my own... bluesbassman Apr 2015 #59
My parents taught me how to interact with authority figures RedCappedBandit Apr 2015 #60
I was taught to trust authorities, including police. bemildred Apr 2015 #61
I'm white and I was taught never to trust the cops and never narc. I guess it was a 60s thing. McCamy Taylor Apr 2015 #62
Yes. My Dad did. Adrahil Apr 2015 #63
What talk? Never even heard of such a thing, until I was older. Rex Apr 2015 #64
Message auto-removed Name removed Apr 2015 #66
Never LeftInTX Apr 2015 #67
Message auto-removed Name removed Apr 2015 #68
No Go Vols Apr 2015 #69
Yes, but it was brief. JoePhilly Apr 2015 #71
Yes Quackers Apr 2015 #72
Other: I was taught to be respectful. Period. Ready4Change Apr 2015 #73
For what the poll is looking for gollygee Apr 2015 #74
My 'other' response is due to the second part of my post. Ready4Change Apr 2015 #84
I ddin't get "the talk" but LiberalElite Apr 2015 #75
My dad taught my what to do when pulled over. liberal N proud Apr 2015 #76
ANY authority, not just police alc Apr 2015 #77
Again, the poll is asking specifically about police gollygee Apr 2015 #78
I'm 47 and it never even crossed our minds. arcane1 Apr 2015 #79
"If you're in trouble, talk to the police. They're your friends." Paladin Apr 2015 #80
They 'gave' me this song: elleng Apr 2015 #81
Yes I grew up in Oakland, CA in the 60's & 70's the cops were equal oportunity assholes for the mulsh Apr 2015 #82
I had to change my vote after I read the text, not just the headline. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Apr 2015 #83
No, except for unmarked cars. Jamastiene Apr 2015 #85
I didn't (I'm white/female/69) but my brother did HeiressofBickworth Apr 2015 #86
Latest Discussions»General Discussion»If you are white, did you...»Reply #48