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Gloria

(17,663 posts)

68. I completely understand...the exhaustion, frustration and stress

Mon Apr 13, 2015, 04:09 AM

Apr 2015

My mother turned 93 on 4/10 ...the last 4 years, mini strokes, falls, etc.
Assisted living, nearly into hospice, rehab, another assisted living place...but not reacting well.
Dr. put her into hospice on our 4/9 visit. She will stay in the lovely place she just got to.
I feed her when I'm there, but they feed her the other times. Sleeping a lot.

I often ask, "when does this end"? but there are no answers. Just the ups and downs of the
process...

I've been reading on signs of death...and learned that there is a first sequence followed by the sequence of possible
things that indicate that death is imminent. But the indicators overlap...and you are left with "Who knows??"

It's a darned upsetting thing to see...and in the last few days, Ive lost weight, am back to being up at 2 AM instead of in bed, etc. etc.

My "core family" has been ruined by the religious nutty stuff and narcissism, so no help there.

You just plod on, what else can you do?

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I am about to become a caregiver again. [View all] sheshe2 Apr 2015 OP

{{{Hugs}}} shenmue Apr 2015 #1

As a former caregiver for my now deceased husband, I sympathize. Cleita Apr 2015 #2

Thank you Cleita. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #8

And this is yet another reason the USA needs a national health plan. For caregivers. nt raccoon Apr 2015 #71

hugs marym625 Apr 2015 #3

Oh, the sweet beloved next generation is helping when they can. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #13

I'm glad they are marym625 Apr 2015 #24

A hug is good but I want to tell you how much I admire you for doing this. As many here know I jwirr Apr 2015 #4

jwirr... sheshe2 Apr 2015 #15

Thank you. My best advice is to remember love is the best remody for any illness. jwirr Apr 2015 #19

I'm so sorry marym625 Apr 2015 #28

All is forgiven. I do not usually get angry. And I think I understood that you were assuming it was jwirr Apr 2015 #32

Thank you marym625 Apr 2015 #33

I hope you don't kick yourself for that decision. You did what you could. Providing 24 hour care pnwmom Apr 2015 #46

Thank you. No kicking here. I agree with you completely that Alzheimer's is one of the worst jwirr Apr 2015 #73

It is often next to impossible to keep Alzheimer's patients safe in a private home. Arugula Latte Apr 2015 #76

I hope you can find some respite. Lifelong Protester Apr 2015 #5

I have said many times we do not know how we will react until faced with the problems of a Thinkingabout Apr 2015 #6

We tried with my dad. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #49

I know I did not do as much as my sister, my brother helped but not as much as my sister. Thinkingabout Apr 2015 #58

I feel for you. Went through something similar with my Mom MiniMe Apr 2015 #7

Message auto-removed Name removed Apr 2015 #9

I did this with my mom ripcord Apr 2015 #10

Please take all the help you can possibly get and remember to take care of YOU Triana Apr 2015 #11

Big Hugs, sheshe KMOD Apr 2015 #12

My mother and I took care of my grandmother for 3 years. hrmjustin Apr 2015 #14

Sweet Justin, you are a gem here. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #26

thank you and hugs! hrmjustin Apr 2015 #27

I am sorry, sheshe. blue neen Apr 2015 #16

strongest thoughts and support your way tomm2thumbs Apr 2015 #17

Hugs to you sheshe2 cal04 Apr 2015 #18

Have you made sure there isn't some aid available in your state for at-home care? pnwmom Apr 2015 #20

Hey pnwmom... sheshe2 Apr 2015 #31

Good. I'm glad there you'll have at least some help. pnwmom Apr 2015 #44

try to give yourself breaks when you can. Make time. riversedge Apr 2015 #21

Oh Sheshe I send you love and healing energy! peace13 Apr 2015 #22

I love you treestar Apr 2015 #23

: onecaliberal Apr 2015 #25

Dear sheshe flamingdem Apr 2015 #29

I am a spinal injury Backwoodsrider Apr 2015 #30

Oh sheshe - I am so sorry to hear about all that Marie Marie Apr 2015 #34

Holding you, your Mom, and your family in the Light, sheshe2. n/t TygrBright Apr 2015 #35

... Duppers Apr 2015 #36

My condolences for what you're going through. It's no fun. n/t lumberjack_jeff Apr 2015 #37

Be strong, sheshe! FrodosPet Apr 2015 #38

aw she. mopinko Apr 2015 #39

Oh, sheshe. hugs and prayers for you Hekate Apr 2015 #40

hugs & respect irisblue Apr 2015 #41

I to was the primary caregiver for my mother for over 14 years and I know exactly how you feel cstanleytech Apr 2015 #42

(((((((you))))))) BlancheSplanchnik Apr 2015 #43

I love you sheshe2 and send you good vibes. NYC_SKP Apr 2015 #45

You, SKP... sheshe2 Apr 2015 #63

My heart goes out to you. SoapBox Apr 2015 #47

My heart to you for the loss of your mom. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #90

What a good hearted person you are. spooky3 Apr 2015 #48

Sending healing thoughts your way for you and your family, she.. Cha Apr 2015 #50

I love you Cha. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #53

As do you.. Cha Apr 2015 #54

You have not had an easy road of it all, Sheshe... villager Apr 2015 #51

I'm in the same boat. I understand. (((hugs))) cry baby Apr 2015 #52

For you cry baby sheshe2 Apr 2015 #57

Many hugs, sheshe2. This is something so many of us are facing now, or have faced. calimary Apr 2015 #55

You made me cry.... sheshe2 Apr 2015 #60

So many times I've had to turn to my children and deal with this. calimary Apr 2015 #82

...... daleanime Apr 2015 #56

Oh dear... 2naSalit Apr 2015 #59

I can only join others ChazII Apr 2015 #61

This message was self-deleted by its author woolldog Apr 2015 #62

Aw sweetie. Sending vibes your way. n/t freshwest Apr 2015 #64

We will talk soon. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #70

hugs ucrdem Apr 2015 #65

How can I help? Major Hogwash Apr 2015 #66

Hey, I was just posting you a PM. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #67

I completely understand...the exhaustion, frustration and stress Gloria Apr 2015 #68

I feel for you, gloria. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #69

Thanks for your thoughts...and Gloria Apr 2015 #107

that's a very tough job bigtree Apr 2015 #72

Thank you bigtree... sheshe2 Apr 2015 #91

You are in my thoughts. I wish you and your family peace. nt msanthrope Apr 2015 #74

I've been there and know how difficult it is -- physically and emotionally. greatauntoftriplets Apr 2015 #75

Hugs for you - TBF Apr 2015 #77

I am also a caregiver. First my Mom. Now my Brother. There is also guilt KittyWampus Apr 2015 #78

you certainly have had more on your plate than anyone should dembotoz Apr 2015 #79

This is how I've been spending my retirement, as well. MADem Apr 2015 #80

It's hard isn't it. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #108

Sure is. MADem Apr 2015 #109

Lol~ sheshe2 Apr 2015 #110

sheshe2 and I both know what it means to have a parent with dementia Omaha Steve Apr 2015 #81

Many of us do. Both my parents, and care taking quickly became 24/7 bettyellen Apr 2015 #86

I feel for you very much BrotherIvan Apr 2015 #83

I wish you the very best in this sheshe. William769 Apr 2015 #84

Hey, William. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #92

I wish much respite for you, so you can keep it together, sheshe2... MrMickeysMom Apr 2015 #85

Awww, sheshe, hugs to you. babylonsister Apr 2015 #87

I'm sorry to hear this. bravenak Apr 2015 #88

Hey you... sheshe2 Apr 2015 #93

You are one of the kindest people here. bravenak Apr 2015 #94

Hugs from having gone this for three years straight and now glinda Apr 2015 #89

Best to you and yours, glinda. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #97

You too! glinda Apr 2015 #112

I hear you loud and clear Dem_in_Nebr. Apr 2015 #95

... handmade34 Apr 2015 #96

I don't have any advice, or brilliant words of wisdom to share. herding cats Apr 2015 #98

Love and hugs! I KNOW IT IS HARD! Scruffy Rumbler Apr 2015 #99

It is a hard road we walk, annabanana Apr 2015 #100

I feel your pain, sheshe. I took care of my husband who was slowly being defeated by the ravages catbyte Apr 2015 #101

man, that's been my life for the past ten years ghostsinthemachine Apr 2015 #102

I'm so sorry sheshe. The exhaustion does become just tooooo much. DebJ Apr 2015 #103

Hey Deb. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #104

Thanks. And thanks for you original post. It helped ME. DebJ Apr 2015 #105

My thoughts are with you. sheshe2 Apr 2015 #106

I'm so sorry sheshe, you've been through so much napkinz Apr 2015 #111

You are very special, sheshe. Strong people do what they gotta do, Zorra Apr 2015 #113