I May be Going to Debtor's Prison

[laundry_queen]

271. I agree in some ways.

I totally agree that the father going to jail benefits no one. Where I am, the worst thing that happens is a deadbeat dad loses his driver's license (although it could be argued that taking away his driver's license might affect his ability to pay child support, when he goes to jail it's a guarantee he won't pay). I also agree that children should have free access to their father and that if the father wants 50% custody, the courts should be fair about it.

I will say I'm a bit biased, in that I'm in the midst of a divorce and luckily my ex was okay with me having the kids most of the time. I say luckily because I was the only one who cared for them in our home. My ex did not participate in the day to day care (diapers, baths, feeding etc) He would come home, hide in his basement office, and occasionally come out when the kids begged him to and would play with them for 15 minutes or so. He rarely took them anywhere. So when he decided his girlfriend (who hated our kids) was more fun, I was thankful he didn't ask for 50-50 custody, because at that point I think I'd have lost it. My kids were everything to me and I did everything I possibly could to make the marriage work (My ex is a narcissist/sociopath - not 'diagnosed', but it was suggested by my child's therapist - so that will explain how difficult that was for me to try to deal with). If he would have taken my entire reason for living away 50% of the time I would have thought that was entirely unfair given I did nothing wrong, he left me and he didn't give a crap about the kids before the split (so that's my bias). Unfortunately judges never take that stuff into account here, but I do wish they would. Also, MY ex has been going around my former (very small) town telling everyone I'm living the high life while he's stuck in poverty. LMAO, my rent takes more than 1/3 of my money, groceries another 1/3 and then the rest has to cover tuition (I'm a f/t student), clothes for 4 kids, utilities, school fees and supplies, gas money, insurance etc. So I don't have much sympathy for the author of the original journal post, because I see how my ex manipulates people into making them think he's the victim. He's very good at it. And the post had some 'trigger' wording that reminded me of things my ex tells people.

Anyhow, where I live, 50/50 is standard. I belong to a divorce support group and pretty much any spouse who asks and wants it gets 50-50 custody. Most guys pay support willingly without complaint. The only guy I ever heard complain stated that he was pissed his ex was taking half his pay, since how could HE live on HALF? He was also pissed she bought a new car. Someone else in the group asked him if he realized that since it was difficult for him, one person, to live on half his pay, imagine how hard it was to raise 3 kids on it, plus, didn't he want his kids to have a new car to be safe in while his ex drove them to their activities. He was mad, but came back to the next meeting admitting he was so mad he hadn't seen it that way and that he was going to turn over a new leaf and no longer complain about making his children's childhood safe and comfortable. Good for him, more men should look at it that way.

Also, it's illegal where I am to keep the kids away from their parent no matter if the child support is paid or not. Some guy could be homeless and never have paid any support and as long as the custody agreement says 'reasonable access' or better, he can see his child with 24 hours notice. In the system I have navigated (here in Canada) access is NEVER tied to support. I DO agree with that. Which is also a huge reason why jail should never be the solution to this particular problem because how can a father have fair access to his own children if he is in jail for non-payment of child support (Which is not supposed to be tied to support payments?). Makes no sense.